“Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you”-Coldplay.
First and foremost this has to be one of my all time favourite lyrics from a band that I’ve loved since I was a teenager.
It’s a lyric that has stuck with me since it was released and every time I hear it I get this overwhelming sense of emotion knowing that each and every word means something.
Fix you is without doubt one of my favourite Coldplay songs because if you listen to the song for long enough you can see there’s a hidden meaning that everyone could interpret differently.
It’s safe to say the words hit you like a bag of hammers and before you know it you’re raising the volume and singing at full pelt. Well.. Maybe that’s just me.
With me I’ve chosen this particular lyric tonight because when it comes to anything in life there’s no quick fix.
Effort plays a significant role in all changes you make to your life.
Listening and taking the advice from others also plays a major part in how you want to change your mindset or better still how the people who care for you see you for who you are and what you represent. It’s about having the right support network around you.
Throughout my time with Epilepsy there was this struggle.
The struggle to want to be bigger and better, to show the world that Epilepsy wouldn’t be what I was solely known for and that whatever the circumstance I was never going to stare Epilepsy in the face.
In my eyes I was going to bypass Epilepsy and not rise to the argument I thought my condition wanted me to have with it.
I was trying to dodge the one thing I couldn’t do and that was to accept myself for me. To leave the past alone and to allow myself to go down a path of my choosing. I wasn’t at peace with myself.
There were no easy answers and I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to sit myself down and give myself the talking to I’d tried to put off for years.
The same rules applied with the way that life changes whilst you’re growing up learning new experiences, meeting all types of personalities and gaging an understanding as to where you stand in the world.
It’s what my dad would call a learning curve but for me it was something that I was living. I didn’t want to share it I wanted to handle myself however never quite knew how.
As I sit here this evening writing this blog post listening to that very song on my Ipod I look back at what the last 21 years have been like and instead of passing my problems off as a bad job I’m growing to realise that life is full of ups and downs and usually there are more downs than ups. That is normal.
That’s why we should be appreciative of what we have and to see that whatever tries to break you should in fact make you stronger.
Today I read through my Epilepsy diary and noticed that it had been over 5 and a half years since I had my last grande mal seizure.
Immediately I felt overjoyed at the fact that I’d gone so long and instead of being reluctant questioning when the next episode would arise I sat there with my cup of tea, a rich tea finger that ended up floating in my tea (because I’d dunked it for too long) and the TV in the background.
As I sat I raised a little smile and carried on with my day.
I thought to myself I could sit here analysing my shakes and the emotional distress they cause or I could look at the achievement I’d just written and believe that anything is possible. It’s the belief that we have in ourselves that give us the feeling to want more for ourselves.
When I refer to wanting more I don’t necessarily mean in monetary terms I mean by just being happy with what we currently have. The knowing that on a daily basis how fortunate we are to be live in a world where problems can be addressed and people are prepared to offer their support.
Instead of becoming deflated at the episodes we are having to say you’re worried about something or to go to someone to get something off your chest means you’re halfway there.
You may never eliminate Epilepsy from your life entirely, there’s definitely no quick fix to do so however to accept yourself for who you are in my opinion is more important and shows how strong you really are.
Yesterday the world went into mourning because actor Robin Williams had passed away. To say I was shocked would be an understatement.
As I turned on the news yesterday my heart became heavy at the fact that such a talent had been taken from us so early.
A man who made many a child smile and many an adult howl with laughter because their lives usually resembled the jokes he’d address to millions.
As I sat there yesterday morning reminiscing about sitting in the middle of my living room floor fixated at Robin Williams dancing about with a hoover dressed as Mrs Doubtfire I started to think that life can change at any time.
As I watched the sheer volume of condolences coming through it dawned on me that life is too short. I know I’ve said that many a time before however it’s true.
People who you may never know personally can play such a poignant role on your life in general whether it be through humour, kind words or just a nod of the head to acknowledge you. Whatever the circumstance nothing goes unnoticed.
As for the remainder of the week..
Exercise it’s back on track. I’m doing rather well exercising a minimum of five days per week at half an hour a day.
Eating wise I haven’t restricted chocolate out of my diet entirely however now the sugar is officially out of my hot drinks this leaves room for my homemade smoothies that ensure no fruit goes to waste. See I can now totally justify purchasing my £100 blender.
As for the remainder of my time it’s all systems go. The back garden is now getting refurbished with the odd plant being potted and new paving outside.
My new kitchen resembles the dust on the icy roads when the gritters have been round in the Winter therefore my mop has been out and I’m attempting to be the good housewife.. for all of twenty minutes. Apart from that that’s about it.
To conclude today’s post.
There is no such thing in life as a quick fix. Many may disagree however I’ll beg to differ. Buying the odd purchase can result in temporary happiness however it never quite resolves the issue does it?
I believe that time is a great healer, I also believe that time is of the essence therefore utilise that time wisely. Put yourself first for a change. Attempt if you can to ignore the pressure that we have all been renowned for putting on ourselves and be happy with who you want to be and what you want from life.
As I’ve said numerous times before the past is the past, the present is now and the future is yet to be written therefore stand up tall and do what’s right for you.