Doing what’s right.

“Do what is right, not what is easy”- Anon.

Today’s blog post is a one of reflection. A one of choice and a one of chance.

The quote above symbolises to me the changes we all make during our lifetime to be better people, more successful in our quest to have a happier life and the knowing that you’re doing your utmost to do things in an orderly yet positive fashion.

Yesterday I was to have my first shaking episode on record for a little while. Highlighting immediately on my symptoms I returned home to shake for over an hour and then sleep thereafter.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself questioning the why’s and what for’s of this epileptic episode I decided there was no questions to ask as they’d already been raised time and time again. To be honest there were no answers because my shakes have been in my life for what feels like a lifetime. In fact the shakes themselves are approaching their tenth birthday.

Over the years I’ve gone to the far ends of a fart wondering how I can cope and why for a significant amount of time I chose to ignore the tell tale signs that were preventing me from moving forward.

I lived in denial and instead of addressing issues about my Epilepsy I chose to question everything in my life that didn’t pose any relevance and would result in years of endless worry. Saying that out loud seems silly but it’s true.

To feel normal was the prominent issue, the losing everything around me came a close second and the endless concern that a seizure was round the corner wasn’t far behind that.

As I write tonight’s post I sit here with care for the ones I love, the family I adore, the friends I hold dear, the variety of emotions I’ve had for the condition that I have had in my life for over 20 years and the awareness that each and every one of us can bring on a condition that effects so many.

The one thing that we have in life is chance and unfortunately taking chances on people or situations that don’t deserve that chance is something that I have had to let go of.

Today after a lengthy session at the hair salon I had some time to kill and before I knew it I was walking along the beach near to where I live looking out into the North Sea just like I did as a child wondering what life had round the corner and whether I would grow out of my Epilepsy once and for all.

I had the odd moment where I would visit the sea front alone jumping on a bus and waiting to get there so I could get away from things and maybe play on the odd arcade game while I was there!

Memories were created with relatives along that sea front with my shoops (granddad) in particular. You may have read about my Shoops in previous posts. For those who haven’t he was a gentleman with a heart of gold and a man I idolised. In February gone it would have been his 87th birthday.

Within moments of walking down past the local seaside café my mind went into overdrive. A smile on my face, the odd whinge because it was bitter, photos taken and views shared with my closest friends online I started to wonder and the memories came flooding back as though I was a young child enjoying her first experiences at the beach.

Nothing was left to chance. There wasn’t this central worry about Epilepsy all I could think about was childhood humour and enjoyable times.

As I walked alone I closed my eyes for all of a few moments and I realised that life had and still has so much to offer.

There I was toddling down onto the warm sand bucket and spade in my hands with my three quarter shorts on and my shoop’s bright blue capri trousers reflecting off the sun are the things I remember most.

The endless conversations, the sandcastle making, the photo taking, the sand changing colour as our feet touched the surface beneath us and the laughter at the seagulls pinching my chip shop chips whilst we were applying SPF are memories that no one can remove from your life. The simple things, the moments that make you feel happy inside.

The grabbing the odd bargain when getting an ice=cream and hoping that the flake didn’t come out of my 99 cornet (for those that don’t know a 99 is a cone with a scoop of ice-cream and a flake applied) resulting in me bursting into tears because all I wanted to do was eat the chocolate are moments that I will always treasure.

As I walked along the same route that my shoops and I walked before his death over ten years ago I started to remember how far we have all come as individuals, how mistakes are made, how people change and how what was deemed as a priority all those moons ago have evolved into something else.

As I watched it become high tide and as I witnessed the sea crashing up against the barriers a wave of emotion swept over me. I looked out to the sea, stood alone and had a conversation with the man who made me laugh in those capri trousers.

As I stood there I knew that I could do one of two things I could either cry or I could continue chatting.

My shoops wasn’t there through my Epilepsy journey because unfortunately he died during it however today I felt overwhelmed knowing that he was alive through the memories I’ve just described.

I didn’t need the worries about my condition while looking onto that sea view because he knew deep down he couldn’t prevent what was happening, neither could I and neither can you.

He knew that there was more to life than just Epilepsy because we aren’t defined solely by Epilepsy. We are defined by who we are as people.

I think the main thing that hit me overall was how we all the trivial things in life to take centre stage.

Two things should be the most important your health and your family. Nothing hits you harder but what is the most apparent is that nothing challenges you more. The strength that you all have is marvellous and is inspiring to others.

To conclude today’s post. You never have to say goodbye to the things you love, the memories you create and the pastimes you enjoy. Epilepsy is a condition we live with however it’s a condition that won’t defeat us.

Sometimes doing what’s right isn’t easy. Letting go of stress is difficult however knowing deep down that you can overcome these worries in life should be something you should be proud of yourself for.

Moan less, live more.

“Live more, complain less. More smiles, less stress. Less hate, more blessed”- Anon.

Have I hit a raw nerve? I hope not however when I read this I thought to myself that my trait like many others out there is to whinge.

Now before some of you get on your high horse questioning why I’ve chosen this quote today well it’s because it’s so true. On a personal level whether it be my condition or just life in general having a bit whinge is something that we’re all prone to doing and you know what I’m bloody sick of whinging.

A few questions for you all.

What makes you whinge?

What’s the one gripe that you have that you cannot quite shake off?

What’s the one thing that well and truly pisses you off to where you go on a full blown power rant knowing fine well that nothing will change?

Whatever answer you’ve given that’s fine, that’s normal because we wouldn’t be who we are if we didn’t have a bit whinge every now and again however to whinge repeatedly. Well.. I’ll let you finish that sentence.

In the oxford dictionary the definition of the word whinge is to complain persistently and in a peevish or irritating way. Funnily enough the example they’ve used to define this word is to “Stop whinging and get on with it” and as I read it I cannot help but chuckle to myself as this is the way my parents told me to crack on in times of trouble.

Now I’m not going to turn all parental on you and say “Just bloody get on with it” however there is some element of truth and honesty in that remark.

If you think long and hard about it our parents, grandparents and beyond probably had different worries but you know what? In their day there wasn’t anything to turn to like the internet or some of the remarkably resourceful material we have nowadays. Then it was just get on with it, crack on and hope for the best.

People used to talk, communication was vital in order to solve issues and in today’s society that doesn’t always happen because people are glued to the internet, their mobile phones or some technological device that is so complex that when people talk about this sort of shit I just nod and smile because I haven’t got the foggiest what they’re on about.

Getting back to the quote as you should all be aware of my background by now (and if you don’t earlier posts will confirm the following) that I have been renowned for being a bit a worrier however after addressing issues over the past few years I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m approaching 29 years of age, I have a condition that I cannot control and that’s there’s bound to be a fair few bumps in the road we’d call life.

It’s safe to say there’s many aspects of people’s lives they’d like to change such as removing their condition from their life, losing weight, earning more cash, challenging themselves more often and the list goes on however as I’m getting older I’m realising that being in constant battle with yourself can only result in three things. Torment, aggravation and never being truly satisfied with who you are hence the whinging!

One thing I was told by my granddad before he passed away. There’s no point in doing battle with yourself because you’ll never win. Too true shoops.

Since blogging last I’ve browsed my twitter timeline, read a fair few articles and looked at my Epilepsy diary to see if there’s anything that I can change or whether I will remain in constant battle with oneself.

With me I’m understanding that my shakes are something that I may never grow out of and that constantly analysing my thought activity has in the past caused me more harm than good; in fact I’m not going to lie it can make you more miserable. It did with me.

If you think long and hard about it my thinking has resulted in me writing Sazzle’s blog so maybe I should retract that statement! Ha! No I’m only joking analysing at times can be to your own detriment.

You’ve probably all heard of the expression “Go with the flow” well that’s one thing I can hold my hands up high and say that I’ve not always done.

Not necessarily now as I’ve managed to embrace who I am but for years my condition was a large part of my life that I couldn’t just accept. I didn’t want to accept it I just wanted to eliminate it entirely and classify it as a dream that I’ve just so happened to be a part of for twenty years.

For those who aren’t aware at 8 years old I was diagnosed with Epilepsy suffering grande mal seizures and have been on medication on and off for over 17 years in that timescale. Hell I’m still on them now.

In January 2009 was to be the last seizure I had on record and ever since there’s been that part of me wondering when the seizures will return as they have done in the past.

I could sit here and say that this uncertainty could be one of the contributory factors to my concerns however I’ve been down this road before in my teens when my seizures remained dormant only this time I have age and experience on my side. It’s a thought cycle that has taken years (yes you read that rightly) years to accept.

I could sit here and blame my condition (as I have done in the past) for being the main contributory factor as to why I whinge and as to why I don’t appreciate life to it’s fullest however to a degree that would be a lie. It’s been something that has worried me but could have been prevented if I knew how to handle it sooner.

Epilepsy has been a struggle and a word that is so powerful to anyone involved in the Epilepsy community it’s hard to comprehend. Anyone reading this will hopefully understand where I’m coming from. It’s not just a word it means something.

Epilepsy is a condition that over 65 million people cope with on a daily basis to which the majority have no tell tale signs as to why and how Epilepsy has entered their life.

To many suffering with the condition that number doesn’t come into the equation because when an episode hits it’s either you or the loved ones around you that are suffering therefore why do we need to concern ourselves with everyone else?

We do because we are all going through a similar experience.

Many may disagree with that last statements read however it was only when I started writing Sazzle’s blog that was when I looked at Epilepsy properly as a whole and started to see what others went through.

I would whinge and think why me; Selfish as that may come across it was true.

Now I see Epilepsy for what it is not solely for what it’s doing to me therefore is whinging going to get me anywhere? Absolutely not.

All that person knows is that Epilepsy will remain in their life until informed otherwise therefore people find that illusive strength to continue living their lives is something that takes guts, determination and endless positivity. Never let anyone tell you differently.

As I take into account today’s quote I wonder if we all stopped whinging would the world be a better place? Is there any right or wrong way when it comes to moaning and prattling on?

All I know is that as I get older there’s certain things in my life I cannot prevent, there’s certain scenario’s in my life I cannot alter as that was my past however what is certain is that I can determine what satisfaction I want life to offer as do you.

Yes we’re all bound to be hit by problems whether they be health related or not however it’s the way we handle things that makes you stronger. You don’t have to take anything lying down.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again surround yourself with people that make you smile, people who make you whinge less, people that inspire you and instead of criticising you have the opportunity to stand by you cheering you on along the way because they want to not because they feel they have to.

As for the remainder of my week.

Easter holidays, spending time with family, day trips with the other half, some chocolate, exercise and making salad jars. That pretty much sums the past ten days in a nutshell. Exercise wise I’m seeing a subtle change and it’s making me want to push myself more. As for the chocolate well… we’ve been down this road numerous times before haven’t we?

It’s safe to say chocolate and I will remain life long friends and that like Epilepsy I don’t think it’ll be leaving my life in a hurry. Everything in moderation I say.

The bank balance well do we need to go there? I’m counting down to my birthday so I can get some clothes and prepare for Paris. The countdown is officially on.

To conclude today’s post. I’m not going to summarise today’s post because I think I’ve talked enough already however I will leave you with a final quote. It may pose relevance and if you don’t have a garden where you live then look beneath the meaning. It may make sense when you read it.

“Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free”- Anon.

Taking charge.

“I was only really able to take charge of my life once I realised that my thoughts were creating my reality. It was such a revelation to discover that I could change my life by changing the way I think”- Lynda Field.

Taking charge can come across as one of two things. Making a stand or being extremely harsh with yourself.

I’d like to think the latter reason is something that we should never do however in some instances you have to make a stand with yourself, ask the questions you’ve been sweeping under the carpet for however long and just be honest with yourself.

This was me yesterday.

Yesterday it was all about purchasing a Pandora ring and returning home shaking and feeling rather sick.

After chatting with people closest to me and supping peppermint tea to decrease the sickly feeling I started to question who the real Saz was. Bare in mind I tend to feel a certain way when I shake.

It’s hard to describe however I can only write the way I know how. I can on occasion become needy, the hopelessness of feeling alone takes centre stage and the inner child in me feels like I cannot cope. It’s the worry that I’m not good enough and in my younger years feeling like I was a failure because I never achieved what I set out to growing up such as going to university, having a well paid job and just being happy with who I was.

People may read this and say “Saz this isn’t you, that’s not the way you write in your blog” however I’m human and unfortunately old behaviours can return. I say this because in my case until you face your fear fully it’ll never go away entirely.

Growing up it was safe to say I was a people pleaser a person who did her utmost to keep others happy. I can safely say this as I now see this. It’s taken what feels like a decade to say this but it’s true. No one told me to be this way I did this of my own accord.

I think my Epilepsy was the crutch and my responsibility to feel like I belonged was something I thought was normal. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case and I can clearly see that the child that I was once was has grown up and has her own life to lead.

I questioned whether my Epilepsy had caused this however as I’ve got older I don’t quite know whether it was. Was it the uncertainty of wondering when the next seizure would hit therefore I would be on tenterhooks 24/7 or was this just a trait in my character?

To me I was a worrier. I’m not afraid to say it. My family will openly admit this is what I have been renowned for doing more so then than now.

From previous posts read I was the girl who was renowned for not being the person who she was if she wasn’t worrying about something and to my family this was normal to them. My grandma originally identified this trend and before long my parents shortly followed.

To them it was my condition’s fault however as time went by I knew there was more to my worry than just my Epilepsy. I was turning into someone who although was afraid of her condition perplexing her body into something else that I wasn’t fulfilling my role as the person I wanted to be.

I wasn’t being strong and in times of seizures/shaking episodes although I gave the impression that I was bouncing back I was more afraid than ever fearing that another seizure would result in my negative behaviour resurfacing and the potential clingy Saz returning.

For years I’ve watched this childish memory turn into what I would classify as something that has held me back and yesterday after consulting with people I think the world of I decided that questions needed to be asked and analysed in order for me to let go of my past once and for all. In doing so this could hopefully give me the tools to actually move on with my future as a happier more relaxed person.

For me writing Sazzle’s blog is about me trying to raise Epilepsy awareness and in turn see if any of you have similar worries to me. I think whilst writing I had failed to take my own advice and as I was shaking yesterday I could see this.

Acceptance is key and yesterday I was not accepting of who I was, who the real me was and who I wanted to be.

After discussion it started to sink in that Life is about about embracing change, changing your focus in life, letting go of the old you and being accepting of what you deem your pitfalls to be in order to bring out the more positive you.

Sometimes you just need people to say it as it is.

Whether it be your family or your friends sometimes you need to ask the questions and be ready to face what answers they have. People say things because they love you not because they want to cause destruction.

As I sit here I can see that everyone can make their own stamp on the world and that we should embrace what is around us right now so we can create new experiences and memories we can hold close for the rest of our lives.

To me Epilepsy is still an extremely complex condition that has thrown so many curveballs my way that I’ve lost count however without it how would I be? There I have to accept this.

As for my personality. Well I’d like to think I’m a caring person, a person who wants to be caring about the ones she loves but carefree about the drama that can on occasion stand before me.

I’m never going to be Miss prim and proper because when I start I have a mouth like a sewer swearing at least once an hour and tripping over my own feet every five minutes however that’s just me. I’m a chocolate eater with cellulite on my thighs so what?! That’s just me.

I lose concentration more times than I’ve had hot dinners and I come out with ridiculous sayings such as while decorating “If I take my wallpaper off will the rain come through the walls?” sort of shit but you know what? That’s just me.

Life is not about your problems taking centre stage it’s about finding new ways to resolve those issues and be happy at the new changes you’re bringing into your life to make that life a happier one.

I see this now.

Taking charge is not always about being forceful it’s about opening your eyes to what you see in front of you. It’s about facing up to what you want from life and in my case holding my hands up high and admitting that something wasn’t right.

As I wake up this morning I have this feeling of contentment. I have this knowing that my shakes will only ever be my shakes and that hopefully they will remain at just that. If they turn into something else I cross that bridge when I come to it.

As for the remainder of my week.

I’ve had a lovely week off work. My husband and I have consumed some delicious food and I have remained on course with my quest to be a healthier me. As part of my 30 day food challenge I am allowed to have a treat and treat I had by consuming a bloody humongous slice of chocolate cake with runny cream. It was heaven on a plate.

As for my exercise and eating pattern. This is without my biggest change. The kilner jars are purchased and thanks to Carly Rowena (you can find her on YouTube along with the Lean machines) she has shown me how to prepare foods for during the week in order to keep on track with this plan.

Exercise wise I’ve stuck to my 30-40 minutes of ball busting exercise all week and I’ve enjoyed it. To see subtle changes is keeping me interested and it’s clear to see in the way my clothes feel.

To conclude today’s post. Identify your worries and discuss these with the people you love. Discover new ways to channel this negative energy whether this be to remove all the worries bringing you down, changing your eating pattern, getting out that exercise DVD or whether it be to invest more time into your relationships.

Having Epilepsy can feel like a life long hurdle therefore why make it harder to cross the finish line by allowing unnecessary worries to stand in your way? Be your own leader, change what you feel will benefit you and make this new you a reality.

The writing on the wall.

“Most of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it’s addressed to someone else”- Ivern Ball.

This quote hit me like a bag of hammers and got me thinking.

Is this me or do we all fall into the trap of believing that the negative aspects of our life surely cannot be associated with us personally. Surely they’re written for someone else.

This is what I used to believe. Now it’s all about accepting that things happen, they come, they leave, they’re done.

Over the course of the past few days I’ve had the pleasure to reading some magnificent blog posts that have instilled that element of hope back into the Saz regime.

Instead of practicing what I have preached in previous blog posts I felt that instead of writing new experiences on my wall I’ve felt like I had hit a brick wall with parts of the old Saz drifting back into the equation and getting worried for no particular reason. To be honest there was nothing to worry about. I wasn’t worried about family, friendships or work.

There was just something about me that felt iffy, like I was wondering when the next episode would hit. It felt freaky. One minute I’m crying for no reason, the next I’m raging not with anyone just myself with no apparent reason as to why this had happened. And before you ask no I’m not pregnant.

Whether they be medication side effects or old underlying self esteem issues I’ve noticed the worry in myself over the past few days and it’s something I wanted so desperately to kick myself out of.

I think the shaky bout I had over a week ago quite literally knocked me for six and since then there’s been this battle with myself that I couldn’t quite eliminate until yesterday. I can safely say this shaky bout was a scary one. Maybe it was because I felt useless.

Words can’t describe how I felt however all I kept thinking was when will my seizures return and will I ever be given the chance to eventually say that I’ve grown out of my shakes so I can wave goodbye to Epilepsy for good? I’m accepting my shakes so why do I feel this way? I didn’t know!

Unfortunately it’s not that easy therefore I made the conscious decision to fucking move my arse and to tell myself that feeling sorry for myself wasn’t achieving anything. In fact it was making me look quite pathetic.

People may read what I’ve just written and say that I’m being too harsh on myself however I truly believe that sometimes a hoof up the arse is exactly what you need in order to re-write some of the writings on your wall.

I therefore got onto my phone, referred to a couple of recent blog posts written by best friends, searched for inspirational quotes, documented my eating pattern and decided that instead of wallowing in self pity I would channel this negative energy into something else. Fitness.

The thing is I’ve exercised before and it’s made me work however there’s this feeling that I didn’t put the oomph into it. It was exercising for exercising sake. I had to find the motivation. I had to find some form of drive.

Whilst reading what was in front of me I started to see a pattern emerging a one where Epilepsy had a hold with both hands.

Everyone we know and love with any condition has that feeling of disappointment when a seizure emerges or there’s something that you can’t quite put your finger on however the one thing that inspires me most about each and every one of you is that you refuse to be defeated.

Your strength is second to none and the knowing that this is life is something that gives you the boost to continue.

As I was thinking I started noticing that although I have a giggle through Sazzle’s blog that I can be quite a serious person and have been known for taking things to heart in the past.

Unfortunately this can be one of my biggest downfalls and has been for many a year. Instead of wallowing I thought bollocks to this be serious about the things that require it and as for the remainder to hell with it, let’s have a laugh. If you cannot laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?

After returning from my room I attempted to put this new found knowledge into practice.

I therefore started writing like never before documenting my emotions and re-educating myself into knowing that although I have shaking episodes and medication side effects that life must continue and that by me constantly being serious doesn’t equate to anything it just makes me feel deflated.

Out came my extremely tight jogging bottoms, my lean machines t-shirt, my bottle of water (in a purple bottle of course) and my trainers. The YouTube videos were on, my poached eggs with spinach were getting made with love from my other half as I was exercising and I could see a rather tired yet happier grin forming on my face because I was knowing that I was shifting a gere and wanting to make a change for the better both emotionally and physically.

So there you have it. Day one to a happier Saz. A one where I refuse for my writing to just be writing. I’m sticking to it.

To me spreading Epilepsy awareness isn’t just about talking about seizures it’s about documenting our thoughts, our feelings and our battles with Epilepsy amongst all the other things that just so happen to get in between. It’s about allowing people to know that you’re only human and that everyone can come together for the same thing however has other obstacles in their life that take time to address.

It’s about letting go of what you feel may be holding you back and it’s about knowing that appreciating the little things that life has to offer makes you a bigger person, a well rounded person but most importantly it makes you a happier person.

I’ll conclude today’s post with a quote that I would like to think sums up this post and may inspire you should you ever have that moment of worry.

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you”- Walt Whitman.

Don’t be blue, let the sun shine down on you. Write what you feel is required on your wall. It doesn’t have to be the same as everyone else.

The future. Do we have to go at full speed?

“The best thing about the future is it comes one day at a time”- Anon.

Too true. But it’s not that simple right?

Since writing Sazzle’s blog two of the questions raised are:

“When you suffer from Epilepsy where does this word Epilepsy factor into my future?

and

“Why on occasion do we feel like we have to put our condition at the forefront of our future?”

I know I have asked these questions many a time as I became an adult questioning whether I could be like everyone else.

Epilepsy is a condition that effects so many and a one where I’ve felt that I had to go full speed ahead in order to prove to myself that I wouldn’t be defeated by this neurological condition. For crying out loud I think I had dreamt so many things in my head that I wanted to be everything to all men and unfortunately as time’s gone on I know that can by physically impossible to achieve. It was like I thought I was missing out on something.

When it comes to the word future you can either run or your can take your time. Growing up it was all about culminating a plan and trying to achieve the inevitable whereas now I try my utmost to have goals that are sustainable and not ones that I feel are required in order for me to have a fulfilled life.

When you merge Epilepsy and the future many wonder what life has in store for them however with me I’ve learned to accept that there are certain aspects of my life where I have to consider my condition first instead of jumping in with both feet.

Certain decisions in life can be a bitter pill to swallow something as simple as resting up when you’re friends are out having a good time or the knowing that medication needs to be frequently taken in order for you to get through a day is another stickler which when you forget can result in anxiety and fear.

Over a week ago I found myself in a situation that I hadn’t been in for a couple of weeks. A one that made me wonder why it happened and why it came with such force. Let’s just say rewind back ten years ago when my shakes started and that initial moment where you wonder what is in store for you.

After enjoying a rather delicious meal with colleagues I was to find myself sitting in an emergency exit unable to feel my legs, a smell so great that it felt like someone had left a bag of rotten eggs beside me, the lack of sensation in my face was frightening and the fact I couldn’t feel my colleagues’ hand against mine was scary.

My mind felt like it was bouncing from all four walls of the room and within minutes I was lifted into a wheelchair and taken to the first aid room.

Immediately I thought for the first time I would have a seizure and whilst in this state of insecurity the seizures would return and yet again my future could have been mapped out without my say.

To feel that way felt daunting however the strength to continue an persevere through this episode was something I needed to overcome. How I was going to do this I didn’t know all I knew was that I had to take into account the positive vibes given by my friends, the love I have from the closest people around me and the knowing that all will be well soon.

After six hours of resting up, regaining strength and getting the feeling back into my body I decided to write and write my thoughts down into words to refer to should this happen again. Fortunately a seizure never came but it got me thinking.

It’s entirely up to you however I would urge you to speak to someone you love or better still if you’re embarrassed in speaking to others simply write down your emotions in your diary, a scrap of paper or a notepad that may be in your mobile phone so you can refer to you bouncing back should this situation arise again.

To me having an episode like that tests you; the same rules apply when you have a seizure. It’s that fight or flight mode, you don’t know how to react you just know you have to react quick and fast.

Many may disagree however knowing that you have no warning is something that takes time to comprehend and to acknowledge as being normal. You know why? Because you are normal.

Instead of the future being bleak make it a happy place. A place where you take each day as it comes not a one where you have to cram your entire lifestyle in one box that is opened by others.

I’ve referred to this more than once in my blog however life is about mini victories. I have to tell myself after a shaking episode or when I just can’t quite get something right.

To me a mini victory is doing something that you believed was unachievable such as leaving the house when you were feeling anxious, making a cup of coffee with strong hands instead of the usual shaky moments you’ve learned to loathe, accepting that you can be happy and that you’re making others happy with your positivity. These are all mini victories and you can create those mini victories as and when they occur.

As for the remainder of my 10 days because it’s been approximately that amount of time since I last blogged.

Work is just work. Exercise wise YouTube fitness duo The lean machines are quite literally kicking my arse and pushing me beyond what I thought I was capable of.

Chocolate we aren’t going to go there. A little is fine but that’s all it can be. It’s drastically reduced but still one of the loves of my life and as for the rest of me well I’m just being typical Saz silly, crazy and just a grade A goon!

To conclude today’s post. You can take your future where you want it to go. Life is not about going full speed ahead it’s about taking each day as it comes and setting yourself new challenges. Overall it’s about being happy and knowing in yourself you’re being the best you can be with the tools you have.

It’s marvellous to make a change in other people’s lives however ultimately you have to be happy with you first because when all’s said and done you have to live with what you have and what surrounds you therefore surround yourself with people who love you and make a difference to your life.

Never give up on you or your future because you don’t know what’s in store. Ride that rollercoaster and see what happens at the end. Hey you may be pleasantly surprised!