Note to one’s self.

“If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only two words?”- Anon.

After a hectic week running around like a blue arsed fly I decided that it was about time that I put some time aside to get this morning’s blog post written. Lately other thing’s have taken priority but what with Purple day approaching this month I decided that I would utilise my time and get back to what I know.

I’ve chosen the quote above as it got me thinking. Popping up onto my twitter timeline this morning I started wondering what I would say to my younger self and how the majority of us somewhere in our lives have the best intentions however the things we want for ourselves don’t always go according to plan.

When I was diagnosed I remember sitting in my room for the best part of 10 years willing to grow out my Epilepsy because I thought it was my Epilepsy that had caused the insecurities in my life.

Unfortunately Epilepsy wasn’t even part to blame because those insecurities were possibly formed well before I was diagnosed. Who’s to say that it was the Epilepsy that caused this? Maybe it’s because all my life that’s what I’ve believed until now.

The latest post written focusing on a father’s perspective was a dossier that highlighted my dad’s thoughts on Epilepsy and how as a parent you have to set aside your own concerns to adhere to your child’s. After receiving excellent feedback on that particular post I decided that if my dad was breaking boundaries for his child then surely I could break boundaries to help myself.

A couple of questions for you all. Setting Epilepsy aside but have you ever looked in the mirror and not liked what you saw? Has there ever been an occasion where you’ve looked in the same mirror and given yourself a good talking to trying to fuel some sort of boost into your life to kick start your day?

Well I’ve done that on many occasion particularly after I had a shaking episode and was feeling ever so sorry for myself. I think it’s safe to say that having moments like this makes you human and makes you see that you aren’t invincible.

Getting back to today’s quote. If you could write that note to yourself what would you say? Would that note require more than two words? What words define you or better still what words DO YOU WANT to define you?

Unfortunately I cannot speak for you all however on a personal level maybe the words I would say to myself is Be accepting, be happy or better still be real because being real is what differentiates you from everyone else. Being real to yourself and accepting the low points in life is something that makes you the person you are.

People who don’t do this could be perceived as being artificial because their life will solely consist of trying to convince themselves that down days shouldn’t happen to them. When you have a condition unfortunately the down days come and there are times where the questions shortly follow with no answers to support the why’s, how’s and what for’s.

Let’s just say the words I would use for myself at nine years old was to “stop fitting”, at seventeen was “why me”, at twenty one was “require change”, at twenty four was “be happy” and now at twenty eight my two words is “getting there”. To say those words out loud can be a pivotal thing in anyone’s life.

Looking at these words as I changed from a young girl into a young woman I should have possibly told myself that having a seizure shouldn’t be frowned upon as being the be all and end all. Epilepsy shouldn’t be my be all and end all.

Over the years I’ve felt that same way wondering why a three minute episode can rule my life. Why can’t we not turn round the negatives and make them into a positive.

Many reading this may question how this is possible however to appreciate your stronger days should be your strength. Maybe putting the emphasis on those stronger days can make the harder days that bit easier.

I am extremely fortunate to speak to you all on a regular basis seeing how Epilepsy has made a stamp on your life and how we all have each other’s backs. Within the past year I’ve been lucky to have been given the education from you all on a condition that I allowed to dominate my life for so long.

Although the Epilepsy is still there I know that the notes we once felt we were in place for ourselves in life can be re-written and that our thought pattern changes as we get older. We have room to grow and the time to evolve.

As for the remainder of the week..

Well apart from having sweets and boost chocolate bar on Friday at work then I can officially say that I am getting into the swing of eating healthier, downsizing portions and regularly exercising.

It’s safe to say that it’s been a struggle with the odd medication side effect rearing it’s ugly head preventing me from achieving my daily goal. I’ve lost 3lbs and although I’m not massive I’m feeling a difference in myself.

Instead of beating myself up I’ve decided to take each day as it comes and to tell one’s self that a goal cannot be achieved overnight and as ironic as this sounds it can take a bloody long time to get there.

Exercise well I think I’ve pretty much covered that. Thursday consisted of me walking into work like a duck because my thighs were pulsating off my legs, bums and tums workout. My arse had gone numb and as for my arms well they felt like I’d just been carrying weights all day. Let’s just say it was a good sore!

Family wise well they’re as chipper as ever. Benny (you should know who he is by now but if you don’t he’s a very spoilt cat of mine that gets away with murder) is currently eating me out of house and home and trying to tear my living room wallpaper out of frustration because the female cat along the road is pestering him. What a boy!
Shame my bank balance is going to have to take the hit to resolve this issue because he cannot be bothered to stand up for himself…

Event’s wise I decided to become a “jetsetter” yesterday and ventured to Leeds with my other half for a bit (well a lot) of retail therapy. Returning home with two yankee candles, a rather delightful yellow blazer from Zara, three skincare items from Liz Earle, a pair of jeans and a black long sleeve t-shirt were the purchases of the day!That and going to Bagel Nash for a smoked salmon and low fat crème cheese bagel… Mmmmm….. bagels!

Hey if they’re a bargain please purchase.. I can assure you they were essentials each and every one of them!

Anyhow to conclude today’s post. See if you can describe yourself in two words. Are those words nice person, happy person or change required.

Whatever words you use to describe yourself know in yourself that you are capable of giving it your all. You’re doing that every day by coping with a condition that is out of your control. I keep saying this but be the person you want to be. If you can do that.. Well the world’s your oyster.


2 thoughts on “Note to one’s self.

  1. I would describe myself as the “Ultimate fighter”,

    When I was little my sibling’s would pick on my, as I was smaller than them, but my parents told me to fight on, and never give up. When I got to school I would get bullied and rather than run to a teacher or my parents, or my brother (who would have beat them up). I ignored them. I fought on alone. When I had problems rather than trying to get help, I would find away of resolving it. If my parents found out they would support my decision.
    Once I found about my epilepsy, my parents respected my decision to fight the stereotypical views that the neuro was giving me. Like I shouldn’t work, I’ll never drive, I’ll never live alone etc etc.
    Now that I work, live alone and had/lost a driving licence, I fight everyday to get my life back to being like a “normal persons”. When at work, I work harder and sometimes longer to prove Epilepsy is not a going to stop me. After a seizure I fight to carry on working the rest of the day. I put work ahead of my social life to prove I can do it. Not because I want to because someone once told me I couldn’t, every time someone tells me I can’t or I shouldn’t it’s a red rag to a bull, the blinkers go on and I turn into the “ULTIMATE FIGHTER”.

    • Hey Chris

      Apologies for not responding sooner. I think that is a fitting name for such a hard working person such as yourself.

      Your drive inspires me to want to push myself and carry on in a way that drives me instead of pushing me down. Epilepsy is a condition a one that can be debilitating at times but a one that can want us to push that bit harder.

      With people like yourself showing that the show must go on should make others see that it’s doable. Well done mate! Such a great name for a great person! 🙂

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