“All I can is be me- whoever that is”- Bob Dylan.
There’s always that saying new year, new me and every year I tend to say it around this time on the hope that things will change. As I’m getting older I’m becoming more aware of my surroundings, the choices I have to make as an adult and the hope that common sense does prevail in all aspects of life not just my Epilepsy.
Life is about chapters in a book. People can say that your book is written for you however although there may be some element of truth in this particularly when you’re health is concerned however other chapters of your book can be written the way you want them to be written. It’s about knowing where you stand in the grand scheme of things.
This year has been a year where the word health has become a priority and the questioning whether making the right choices in my life will not only benefit my health but my happiness also.
Family health problems have also made me see that analysing things to the far ends of a fart isn’t necessary and that although thinking this way may have been destined for the start of this year this wasn’t the right way for me.
The quote chosen today basically simplifies what I’m trying to say. In a nutshell what I’m trying to emphasise is that only you can be you and whatever the circumstance you have to ensure that you try not to lose focus and to ensure that when all’s said and done that the correct decisions have been made to allow you to be happy.
My followers from the offset will be aware that in January 2013 I made the conscious decision to write a blog unbeknown to me that others would read regularly and be able to offer the advice I’d craved for years from people like me living with a condition I was.
On the off chance my voice would be heard the aim was to potentially offer some form of Epilepsy awareness to the ones who have provided us with the continued support and make them realise that they too aren’t alone.
This year to me has been one of great importance and one at the age of 28 has made me notice that I’m not only getting older but that life isn’t necessarily about keeping people happy it’s about making the life long choices that will benefit not only myself but the people closest to me. It’s about letting go of the past and hoping that one day like a butterfly we can spread our wings and fly over the shit we have left behind.
It’s about differentiating right from wrong, understanding that actions speak louder than words and although a mental struggle attempting to cut loose the baggage that I’ve allowed to dominate my life for many a year.
Mid 2013 I was given the opportunity to go back into counselling/therapy to undergo six weeks of treatment that along with advice from my nearest and dearest started to come to terms with the fact that my condition was a part of me it wasn’t me entirely. It was about putting the past twenty years of worry to bed and knowing that we all have stressful situations however it’s the way the stress is controlled is the most important.
As a youngster I remember thinking to myself that asking for help wasn’t my greatest quality however as the years have progressed saying that you need help is far braver than sitting in a corner worrying about a situation. Everyone is entitled to that assistance as and when required and under no circumstance should we bare this this pain alone.
On January 6th 2014 will be the day where I can hopefully say that I’ve gone 5 years seizure free. Although the shakes have frequently occurred the knowing that I can go seizure free is something I’m grasping with both hands and hope if it isn’t happening to you right now that this too will happen to you.
My fingers are well and truly crossed as are the ones of my family and I’m hoping this year will be the year that the next chapter of my book can be written and the contemplation of bringing another edition into the family is one that we discuss more.
Being seizure free doesn’t necessarily mean that Epilepsy will no longer return as you are regularly questioning when the next attack will be however what is for certain is that in times where the episodes aren’t at their peak we can sit back and soak in what is most important in life. From a personal perspective I can appreciate that the smaller concerns pose no real relevance to the health issues I know I’ve had to and may continue to endure.
As for the remainder of the week…
The healthy eating has officially begun. Green tea (dare I even say those words) is being drunk however the coffee is also that is one thing I refuse to give up!! Food wise it’s only been three hours however I’ve eaten a bowl of cereal and waved goodbye to the chocolate I’m bloody sick of eating!!
My yankee candle obsession is starting to reach it’s peak with me buying approximately ten candles in two weeks! On the other hand my house smells like a rather delicious cupcake therefore in my eyes it’s money well spent!
To conclude today’s post. Unlike Jerry Springer I think today I won’t conclude my post with Saz’s final thought. I am however going to leave you with one final quote.
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you handle it”- Anon.
Doesn’t that not say it all?