Chasing the past..

“Let the past be the past and let it pass”- Anon.

The past a word that possibly everyone in their lifetime will drift into particularly when you’ve overcome a hurdle that has felt like it’s taken a million years to reach.

Tonight’s quote has been chosen because the past is something that you can either be proud of or belittle in your own mind. The past to many is something that should be left well alone however the odd exclusions are an exception such as starting a family, getting the keys to your first home, achieving the grades you longed for at school and making a small difference to the world we live in.

Whilst writing this evening’s quote I started thinking about where the past lies in all our lives and whether individually we prefer to leave the past alone or whether we use this tool as a way of capturing achievements and seeing how far we’ve come as people.

When the word Epilepsy is mentioned my past and Epilepsy were in unison with one another because for years I never knew where we stood together was it side by side or was it a war with one another.

The idea of my parents allowing me to live a relatively normal life was something I was grateful for however something that scared me senseless. With me the overwhelming sense of naivety and concern would take over and made me question my ability as a person particularly when I was convulsing or feeling low.

Over time I’ve witnessed many people use their past as a crutch. I have to admit that with me I was one of those people however I did it with my Epilepsy.

Although there were restrictions in what I could and couldn’t do mentally my mindset wasn’t right and I used the condition I wanted to distance myself from as the crutch from difficult situations.

Let’s just say I was too afraid to see what was in store incase my condition was tampered with in any way therefore made the ultimate decision to enter therapy, counselling and seek professional help on more than one occasion to prevent me veering off course any further and to give me that air space to prevent me from allowing this pattern to continue.

The past to me is like an island. My gran used to always say that “No one can ever make decisions for you sweetheart, that my darling has to come from you, it has to come from within”

Basically what my gran was trying to say that until I took the initative and stood up for what I believed in would I ever find peace within myself. Taking on board what she said above has stook with me for over ten years it’s the getting there that was the real obstacle.

Taking age out of the equation my thought process at one stage was somewhat challenged and I couldn’t see the wood from the trees.

Part of me wanted to blame my condition however there has to be an element of responsibility for you to move forward. Past bereavement, anxiety, stressful situations that I was putting myself in, regular shaking episodes and the occasional seizure made me question who Saz was and whether I would ever meet her face to face and be happy with who Saz was.

Let’s just say my interpretation of the past was me holding on to what I thought others wanted from me and looking back this was never the case. I was doing what I thought they wanted because I didn’t know what I wanted from myself.

I blamed the people around me for behaving in a certain manner however it was me that had to make the stand, it was me that had to accept that Epilepsy was a part of my life, it was me that had to realise that my past was starting to diminish and apart from my condition if I wanted to live me life then I had to live it.

Having any condition can drain you frequently however in my case as many others I’ve spoken to gives you the will to want more, it’s a battle you don’t want to be defeated in. Having Epilepsy for me has created a porthole of memories, questions and support however most importantly it has given me the opportunity to jump into that porthole as and when I please.

Alternatively it’s given me that insight as to how as a person I must cope and that as much as I love the people around me I have to make the releveant choices to benefit me and my husband.

Sitting there waiting for someone to make a decision for me isn’t the life I want to lead. Maybe people may disagree however I believe condition or not it’s about deciphering what you want, writing it down and attempting to make it happen. When I say this I don’t mean having everything yesterday I mean mini achievements like walking down the path you’ve been anxious to walk down for many a year or in my case attempting to make a cup of tea without spilling it all over the place.

Think of these past worries like you’re Epilepsy and find that fighter within you. If you fall down then you get back on that horse and know in yourself that you’ve given it a good go however if you don’t and all bodes well then by all means ride off in the direction you choose for yourself. If you choose neither then how can you complain?

As for the remainder of my week.

Exercise- Not as existent as I want it to be.
Food- A mini Victoria sponge cake and a couple of rich tea biscuits
Family- As chipper as ever.
Benny- Attempting to get into the Christmas boxes underneath the stairs to play with the baubles.

Before I finalise today’s post I’d like to wish everyone who will be celebrating thanksgiving a wonderful day. From the photo’s I’ve seen so far of Christmas trees, food and good will I am rather jealous as we don’t celebrate that in the UK however may have to raise a little glass of wine tomorrow night with my meal and give thanks to everyone I hold dear including you all for making me a happier person.

To conclude today’s post. Choose what direction you stand when you’re past is concerned. As I always say the past is the past, the present is now and the future is yet to be written. I’m trying to stand by that. Are you?

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Relationships, patience and Epilepsy thrown in between.

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“Love is like a beautiful rose, it takes time and patience before it fully blossoms”- Anon.

Today I promised myself I wouldn’t blog because today was about relaxation and being tranquil in both body and mind however when my husband decided after a bottle of wine and a quick flick onto the football that I would come online and just say a few words.

There’s always been this big grey area of what “the perfect relationship is” and how men and women look at relationships in a way that can be in some cases rather complex. The quote above sums up how I break down relationships. There was however a saying I read recently and that was:

” A person makes commitments, a loser makes promises”

This statement struck me quite hard because never have I ever seen something like that written in such a statement like fashion however from where I’m sitting I think it kind of kind of hits the nail on the head. Apologies if that offends anyone that’s just my personal opinion.

Having a condition shouldn’t prevent you from having a relationship full stop.

As you all know in January 2013 I made the massive leap to write a blog about my experiences with overcoming worry, anxiety and coping with Epilepsy.

By drafting my personal problems with all three gave me that sense of achievement in myself to erase the stumbling blocks I was facing on a regular basis and to explain in my own personal way my twenty year journey with a condition I had tried to eliminate from my life completely and failed miserably.

The quote along with the photo above that doesn’t need an explanation, I think my feelings are written all over my face. This photo is not just a photo of great joy however was a one that truly emphasised my feelings towards Epilepsy on what has to be without doubt the best experience of my life. The buildup to that wedding was immense for one reason and one reason alone.

The big question from the moment I got engaged was..

Would I have a seizure that could dampen my wedding day?

When it comes to any condition the stress of anything life changing can cause great distress and discomfort. Whether it be sheer excitement or a detachment within your current comfort zone this can have an emotional connection with your psyche and can in times of anxiety result in seizures, trauma and in the majority of cases a high level of reassurance from your nearest and dearest.

This evening I thought to myself that I would share another part of my life with you all.

Without coming across as a soppy mess I decided to dedicate this post to my husband Adam who not only made me the happiest girl in the world two and a half years ago by marrying me but has seen every aspect of me some of which I was ashamed to reveal particularly when my condition was showing it’s true colours.

The memories we have had so far aren’t ones of spending sprees and lavish gifts but are ones that make me see that Adam sees me as a person and not just a condition. As we approach our sixth Christmas together in our home it’s got me thinking about how our relationship has not only evolved but how our individual thoughts of Epilepsy as a whole have changed somewhat over the period we’ve been together.

For those who haven’t read the earlier posts of Sazzle’s blog may not be aware of how my husband ‘s views on Epilepsy came into play and how within the space of six months of him and I coming together would my condition hit us with an almighty force.

My husband has seen two seizures in total, the first when we moved into our home in October 2008, the other on 6th January 2009.

Both dates are prevalent to the lifelong changes we made to one another and how something as simple as saying “I love you” would turn into something far greater than love. These episodes describe love in a different context, by having these regular occurrences (seizures and shaky bouts) it would elevate our relationship into a deeper place, a connection that would require patience, reassurance and strength.

Watching the one you love shaking uncontrollably, foaming at the mouth, groaning and going blue in the face is not what you want anyone to see let alone the person you’ve recently entered a relationship with.

As a person unaware of what you’re doing can when after an episode when conscious make you question the longevity of your relationship because of what they’ve just saw however Adam erased those insecurities within me and in secondsnlooked at my disability as a part of me. Deep down although the smile had diminished within me his positivity and will power gave me the hope that we could last and low and behold nearly six years on that hasn’t changed.

Having seizures and shaking episodes from my partner’s perspective is something he feels he needs to take sole responsibility for, me on the other hand may not have always agreed with him because in my opinion taking the entire world on your shoulders is not only unhealthy but can cause someone to turn extremely introverted and detached from what’s going on. 

As an Epilepsy sufferer I have never wanted anyone to have that element of sympathy for me. To be given that acceptance within a community is something that has touched me however  I’ve never wanted to be treat any differently from anyone else.

All I’ve ever wanted is for people to take into account that in certain scenarios I am restricted and have to make reasonable adjustments for my health.

The only thing that differentiates me from the majority are the times where I have to relax, where I have to consider a strategic plan at times and when my day has to come to a standstill to accommodate my condition. Other than that I’m a woman like any other who wants to be happy and content within her circle, nothing more.

When asking him what the first word is that enters his head to express his feelings towards my episodes his word is “fear” because he has no control of my situation. When you reverse this entirely and ask him how he thinks I cope with my condition the word to describe me is “bravery”. To him although I’m not regularly convulsing I do battle everyday with a condition that  not only effects me but effects over 65 million people.

To Adam he wants nothing more than to take this pressure from me and to allow me to have a life with no question marks above my head when making decisions incase it jeopardises my health. As all partners should he just wants me to be happy as I do him.

To me I’ve never looked at myself as being brave, to me he’s brave because my life is in his hands 24/7. He’s the one that drops everything and he’s the one who has supported me through thick and thin as a friend and as a partner.

I think cutting a long story short here what I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t have to sell yourself short because you have a condition. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d be where I am right now.

No I’m not the millionairess I dreamt of being nor am I permanently cured of Epilepsy however what I’m starting to notice is that do I have to have this to be truly happy? Surely with air in my lungs, acceptance starting to make an appearance and Adam by my side then what’s the point in constantly beating myself down in times of worry? Nothing can be gained from this.

Everyone is entitled to have a relationship should you want it however there has to be an element of compromise, a feeling of self worth and knowing at the back of your mind that whatever will be will be and as long as you’ve tried your best then there’s nothing more you can do.

As for the remainder of my day…

Saturday can only mean spending time with the family, shouting at the football bets and in my case now because we are approaching the Christmas season to start hinting for Christmas presents!

Shopoholic as I am there’s nothing bad with hinting and if you’re parents tell you to try something on then by gosh off to the changing rooms I’ll go. Hopes however were dashed on the spot therefore I’m hoping the sizes won’t be in my favourite stores for my return on Monday night for more festive shopping.

Exercise wise I’m not going to lie it was poor today. Part of me wanted to lunge with a bar of chocolate in my hand however I refused and ate a mullerrice instead, less on the calories and every ounce as fulfilling.

As for the food I did succumb to a bag of chip shop chips however didn’t have a battered fish therefore had those and felt rather mad at myself at the same time. Washed down with a glass of vino went down well however as of tomorrow I’m back on the Sazzle health kick and will be wasting no time in eating healthily and hoping that by the end of next week I won’t be saying that statement again!

To conclude today’s post. Without support it can be twice as hard however knowing that you can reach out to others about your condition should be something that you embrace not push away. In my case I found someone who made me see that there was light at the end of the tunnel and that there are decent people out there who are prepared to make the same sacrifices for you as you are for them.

Maybe it was fate however the more I think about it I don’t know why I’ve ever worried about people’s perceptions of me. As my dad would say “If you like me you like me and if you don’t then I can’t make you”. Think about that before you worry and see if this helps. Either way always remember that you’re loved and that my friend is one of the best feelings in the world.

 

 

 

Helping one another. What’s wrong with that?

“As you grow older you’ll discover you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others”- Audrey Hepburn.

Audrey my goodness what a woman, what a Hollywood goddess. This woman like many other actresses of the fifties and sixties are well known for their poise, their acting abilities and beauty. With Audrey Hepburn she made us all believe that we too could have Breakfast at Tiffany’s and that there was an alternate world outside of our daily routine.

Although Audrey is renowned for her elegance and star quality the one thing that touches me the most is her humanitarian work and how she as an individual threw herself into a charity called Unicef and eventually becoming a goodwill ambassador. I get the impression from reading her stories that although she was extremely proud of her achievements on screen that the one she would want to be associated with most was her humanitarian work.

After reading a recent article with tonight’s quote in it got me thinking. Is it deemed a great importance to assist others who require your help or is life about solely looking after yourself?

To me maybe it’s a bit of both.

My interpretation of this evening’s quote is pretty simple. If you have knowledge pass it on. If you feel uncomfortable saying it out loud then write it down. Either way under no circumstance shoould you be scrutinised. How can you be scrutinised for something you’re feeling? By sharing your understanding can enable others to come forward and put their emotions on the table.

I can however see the role reversal when it comes to helping others too because there is the possibility that you may fluff up a few feathers because there’s people out there your bound to have a crossed word with. You have to have that feeling of self worth.

What you also have to bare in mind is that helping shouldn’t come at a cost. Helping others with Epilepsy awareness is something that is a phenomenal thing however shouldn’t result in upset.

I think there has to be that happy medium in which you can only help someone who wants to be helped. If they don’t want to be helped then unfortunately you can’t wave a magic wand and do that for them. All the love in the world can reassure them however they have to make that leap.

Whilst writing this post tonight I know in myself that I don’t know Epilepsy as a condition in it’s entirety i.e. I don’t know the medical jargon that comes with neurological explanations of what Epilepsy is however what I do know is how Epilepsy has effected me hence me writing Sazzle’s blog.

When my seizures returned in my late teens the little bubble I’d kept myself in for so long burst with immediate effect and here I was feeling alone, feeling sorry for myself and afraid that yet again I’d disappoint the people I loved with this massive burden.

I remember once sitting alone in my dorm at University thinking to myself that there was no way that I could ever help myself let alone others. My world and everything in it appeared magnified and I couldn’t stop the room from spinning. After writing down my emotions in my Epilepsy diary I started to realise that my Epilepsy could be a part of me for the rest of my life and that until I made peace with it then there was no fraction of me changing.

I remember as clear as day that it took me six years after that point to start making some sense of what my condition was and to accept that it had returned. Looking back I wish I’d done it sooner.

As you are all aware growing up with Epilepsy is something that can be challenging and lately it’s been testing my patience. Not only is the weather changing but my increase in headaches is quite frankly pissing me off. The seizures have stayed away for some time now and as for my shakes they come and go when they please however it’s the headaches that have fuelled my temper with my condition.

I know within myself that I’m eating relatively healthy (minus a couple of biscuits rounded off with a mug of milky tea) however to be honest I know this is a result of my medication side effects therefore have to keep telling myself that irrespective of resting when I return home from work, taking paracetemol every four hours and doing light exercise that it could be far worse and the seizures could return.

My on-going battle with my condition is something that has stretched back for many a year. It’s been like a love hate relationship.

One minute I’m walking with my head held high without a care in the world and within ten minutes I’ve either got a dull headache, lost sensation in my face, shaking or am full of hell. To this day my neurologists and I appreciate that this could be my side effects from my medication therefore it’s a matter of knowing what’s right for me and appreciating that I cannot always go full steam ahead on those particular days.

As I write this I’ve stumbled across something on my twitter timeline that I’d like to share with you all that may put this post into perspective. Whether it be Epilepsy awareness or life in general this is something to maybe take on board and to appreciate that life is for living.

Excluding the last two sentences put “I choose” at the start of each sentence..

To live by choice, not by chance.
To make changes, not excuses.
To be motivated, not manipulated.
To be useful, not used.
To excel, not complete.
I choose self esteem, not self pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice not the random opinions of others.

If only I’d seen this ten years ago then maybe things would have been different however that’s what life’s all about isn’t it? It’s about being knocked down and proving to yourself that you can get back up. It’s about accepting that as the verse says above that by helping others we are excelling not remaining incomplete when awareness is concerned because we too have a story to tell therefore share away.

As for the remainder of my week.

Well.. It’s bloody chucking it down with rain in the UK. Walking to my husband’s car this evening cold rain blowing into my face, wet jeans sticking to my legs and the fur from my coat hood stuck to my eye there was this part of me thinking whisk me away to somewhere hot because there’s got to be more to life than this blinking weather!

Not only did I have fur in my eye however returning home was even funnier with a split in my jeans, the cat sniffing my leg like I was a bit eye candy for him and my eyes looking like a panda. Sitting back now all nice and dry I do see the funnier side of it. You’ve gotta laugh don’t you?

Exercise wise. I’m doing light exercise because of the headaches but I keep telling myself anything’s better than nothing. Food wise apart from the odd biscuit at work I’m getting there…

To conclude today’s post. Everyone needs help. Everyone struggles with something or another in life whether you choose to show it or not.

With me it’s the questioning I’ve had with my health and how everyday I learn something new about my loved ones, the people I surround myself with, the work I do but most importantly the interaction I have with you all.

You have given me that sense of self help therefore I would like to dedicate this post to you all. As corny as this sounds without you and your positivity towards me as a person and not just a condition then I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Combined with the people I love, the counselling I’ve recently ended and writing my thought process down you have given me that sense of wanting more and continuing to spread awareness and for that I’m eternally grateful.

Writing the way we feel…

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed”- Ernest Hemingway.

A typewriter for Ernest yes. A laptop for Saz.

When it comes to writing everyone is entitled to an opinion it’s the how you address that opinion that’s most important.

As a youngster I thoroughly enjoyed reading however when I hit my teens it was like I’d hit a brick wall and had a bit of a lull when reading was concerned. My imagination couldn’t drift off the way I wanted to. Maybe it was because I was turning into a teenager more interested in her fashion than giving herself brain food!

This quote was forwarded to me by a good friend of mine who is currently writing her own material and is in fact extremely funny (check out my twitter site BlogSazzles for more) and puts into perspective her spin on various topics that although has a clear message doesn’t dismiss the elements of humour a good story should show.

My interpretation of Ernest’s quote is that when it comes to writing cutting down to the bare bones and explaining your thought pattern is something that you can (on the basis you enjoy reading it of course) enable you to explain what’s going on in your own mind and can in my case be extremely therapeutic.

Writing Sazzle’s blog enables me to not only provide my personal contribution to raise epilepsy awareness. It also gives readers of all ages the opportunity to see if they can associate with my actions and whether together we can unite and raise a clear message that although we suffer from a neurological condition we can also have our say.

If you aren’t all aware by now I’m not superhuman nor I could be if I tried.

I have plenty of traits that I’ve shared regularly on here such as coming out with what I call Sazisms (i.e saying humorous things and putting my foot in it without even realising), being ever so critical on myself to the point where I tire myself because I try to cram everything into the one day and not to mention eating like a grown man!

My feet are flat hence the reason why I trip up all time, I’m grouchy on a morning and I cannot start the day without two cups of coffee because I look as rough as a badgers arse when I wake up.

These are things that make me who I am therefore if I’m going to talk about my personal battle with Epilepsy then you need to know the basics about me. Life isn’t just about pretty pictures and picket fences it’s about being true to yourself and saying what you see.

I don’t know if you are all familiar with the book Anne Frank the diary of a young girl. I read this book at the age of ten and I have to admit it was the most compelling piece of literary content I’ve ever read. I’m actually contemplating reading it again 18 years on.

Published shortly after the second world war this book gave a detailed account of not only a young woman defending her faith and hiding for two years with her family against the Nazi’s but gave us the reader a sense of emotional attachment to a young woman we’d never met.

Like many of the characters we read in fact and fictional novels we too have that sense of a happy ending.

For those who haven’t read this book I would urge you to do so. Without giving the ending away this book made me realise how fortunate I was to have a life where freedom has been taken for granted and how people are very quick to scrutinise other people’s lifestyles.

When you have Epilepsy writing about it can be one of two things. It can be a sense of relief to finally get the words out that you’ve longed to write for so long or on the flip side there’s this worry that you won’t be understood and that people may question why you think a certain way.

Having Epilepsy is not like having a disease. It’s not an illness it’s a condition. Epilepsy is something none of you asked for nor did the family around you therefore you have no need to worry about how Epilepsy should look to others. There is nothing wrong with you documenting your worries onto paper if you feel that this will help you.

Since writing Sazzle’s blog the one thing I’ve realised is that you have to bare in mind that there are bound to be people who won’t feel the same as you.

You’re bound to get constructive criticism from time to time however you have to not retaliate forcefully but understand that we aren’t from the same mould and to be fair why would we all want to be the same? Yes we don’t want to be penalised for what we have however if everyone was the same then there would nothing to raise awareness on.

Since I last wrote I’ve been thinking about Epilepsy as a whole and how unlike other conditions Epilepsy isn’t as well known in people’s conversations than what it should be.

Maybe I’m being a bit biased because I along with the people I have the pleasure of speaking to have this condition therefore feel it should be mentioned more often. Their work makes me smile and their love for others are astounding. Juggling your life with a condition in it is difficult within itself however that positivity is something that should be praised because you’re doing a magnificent job.

As for the remainder of my week.

Well.. On Thursday I tried making a ham and beetroot sandwich and spilt beetroot down my white top. I’m not going to blame my shakes I was just a clumsy bugger.

Yesterday on the other hand made me appreciate spending time with the family all the more. Dad was entertaining the in laws therefore my day was spent entertaining my husband acting like a fool and purchasing some Christmas presents. After having a minimum of two coffee stops, spending a bloody fortune and quickly sneaking into a rather large vintage fair the day was spent laughing, joking and dodging the rush.

Returning home to chill with a bottle of red, strictly come dancing and Inception after we made time for one another and started planning what we wanted 2014 to have in store for us. It was a memorable evening in and something that I’ll remember for a long time coming.

Exercise wise, done.

Food wise, not so done because I had a chocolate muffin yesterday however I’ve counted it into my calorie intake for the day therefore not stressing too much about it. Family, doing great. Benny, the trumps are back!

To conclude today’s post. At the start of this post I wrote a quote courtesy of Ernest Hemingway. This man made sense and one day I hope to make sense too!

Writing should be a pleasure not a burden. Writing about a condition out of your control is something that you shouldn’t be ashamed to do it should be something that you seek comfort from. Never underestimate your ability to want more because we are all entitled to wanting what we can from life.

Today is probably the first day where I’ve not mentioned acceptance in a sentence (well maybe there I just did) because maybe I’m realising that by writing I’m starting to accept who I am and would urge you to try and do the same. If you hasn’t already, It will come within time. I promise.

A speedy exit or a lifelong change?

“Every exit is an entry somewhere else”- Tom Stoppard.

A rather small quote tonight one with great meaning and one that sounds like it’s just came out of C S Lewis’s famous novel The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Oh how I wish I’d been in that film. Don’t know what I fancied the most the snowy setting or the Turkish delight offered to Edward by the queen.

What do we think of when we think of exiting? Do we think that we can ever change the dynamics of our thought process or is exiting via the back door deemed to yourself as you lacking control?

Tonight’s questions have been raised for one reason and one reason only. The word failure is something I’ve mentioned numerous times in Sazzle’s blog because like acceptance failure can come hand in hand with one another.

It all depends on what you interpret both words to mean and whether in some aspect of your life both have walked hand in hand at some point.

From those who have read my previous posts will know that acceptance is such a strong word in my vocabulary something that has taken many years to acknowledge let alone address to others.

At this stage you’ll probably be like “Saz shut up about acceptance” however it is a word some people have to address and others are in denial with.

Epilepsy like other health issues such as anxiety have played a massive role in my life to which I’m not afraid now to explain to others.

Over the past few days I’ve had a lot of thinking to do. My minds been working ninety to the dozen for completely different reasons than the norm. My mind hasn’t been all about shakes, worry and anxiety.

It’s knowing that for years I chose to take the back door hoping that no one would catch me sneaking out, now I’ve come to realise that there’s things in life are worth fighting for. There’s also the matter of knowing when your body is going through a rough patch and when to be sensible about things.

I’ve watched my shakes over the past six months become more frequent. Fortunately I’ve remained seizure free however like anyone who’s had a good run of not having those regular seizures there is this slight chance that should they return that you may resort back to second guessing and having to backtrack on everything you say or do.

With regards to my decision making I made the ultimate decision to see if I could change my working pattern and drop my hours to see if this has any bearing on my health.

After frequent discussions with the ones I love and writing down the pros and cons I decided that possibly reducing my hours could be the best bet in which I have a day to recuperate to allow me to carry on with the remainder of my working week.

What I’ve noticed in myself that compared to ten years ago I’m not the same. After questioning myself for so long I’m now in a position where making a speedy exit isn’t an option anymore because I’m in the process of accepting that life goes on and that you cannot always make rash decisions when you have a neurological condition to consider.

Let’s just say that by making a stand and saying out loud that “I have had a problem” for many a year isn’t something to be ashamed of it’s merely stating that you’re human and that you aren’t invincible you’re just you. Society portrays people to be a certain way however that couldn’t be any farther from the truth.

There’s also the matter surrounding where I stand and again after years of fighting a condition I cannot eliminate that when it comes to your health you have to be sensible and put you first.

Whatever your condition having this shouldn’t change your personality to the detriment of pushing people you love away however shouldn’t be something you’re afraid of telling others you have.

Ask yourself another question. If I could accept my condition is there anyway I could allow myself to have other things in my life other than Epilepsy such as a new skill, new memories or better still enjoying your own company?

There’s people from all walks of life living in such dire conditions, take the typhoon in the Philippine’s for example. Turning on the TV every morning to watch over 2 million people hungry, children requiring urgent medical attention and homes destroyed makes my heart sink.

How can I not appreciate my life when those people have lost everything within theirs within 24 hours?

Putting it into perspective can be a hurdle you sometimes have to cross. I can understand it’s something that is ever so hard to do however when you say the words out loud it’s times like these that you know in yourself change needs to come.

After having this condition for 20 years Epilepsy to me isn’t going anywhere in a hurry therefore as my nana used to say make do and mend. No we don’t particularly like Epilepsy however it’s here so what can we do about it? Do we whinge, do we get upset or should we fight on? Crying over something you cannot prevent may release the tension however doesn’t resolve your issue towards that condition.

As for the remainder of my week well the eating has been ok. I’ve been keeping my promise to exercise regularly however chocolate is still a major problem. Food wise I cannot complain however chocolate it’s like an addiction!

After consulting my followers today I’ve decided that I’m entitled to the odd mouthful however eating a whole bar on a daily basis may need to be scrapped because like most people who adore chocolate I cannot stop at one bar. I’m like one of those sniffer dogs on TV if there’s anything sweet within 500 yards I’ll have it.

As for the family well we’re all doing champion. Mam’s been over and done the odd bout of ironing and my dad is making me laugh as usual. As for my other half well he’s driving me insane with the amount of football on at the moment however is making me copious amounts of tea when my headaches play up therefore I cannot complain!!

To conclude today’s post. Think before you make any decision. With myself if I never informed the ones I loved that I was scared of my condition then I would have never gone into therapy thus being able to write to you today.

When you think about exits don’t necessarily think about quitting think about opening a door into a new chapter of your life. Life isn’t always about keeping routine it’s about making decisions that’ll benefit you because when all’s said and done you’re the one that has to live your life no one else can do that for you. It’s about slotting new ideas into this routine and making that routine your own not someone else’s.

I’ll leave you with a final quote that summarises this conclusion. Take it on board if you wish.

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in day out”- Robert Collier.

After reading that I’ll let you decide, the question’s in the title. A speedy exit or a lifelong change?

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What do you dream of?

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is a reality”- John Lennon.

Dreaming. One word many authors have made an absolute fortune publishing books on, the majority of which have created little summaries of what they perceive dreams to be and how dreams have an impact on your mind.

Whether it be dreaming sweet thoughts of destinations outside of the world you live in or the fact that your determination to succeed will result in you achieving your dreams a dream is whatever you want it to be. Usually you want to share these with the people you hold dear.

I think there is the possibility that we all have thought to ourselves we wouldn’t mind being financially stable, purchasing a new house, a new car or jetting off to somewhere magical however when it comes to dreaming for me being happy has topped the list I’ve just mentioned there. Being comfortable in my own skin ranks a pretty close second.

Growing up with Epilepsy hasn’t been a walk in the park, it’s been difficult for all involved particularly my parents who have seen the severity my epileptic episodes had to offer. Whether it be pulling me out of the family vehicle onto a motorway with cars speeding past you or pulling their child from a bathtub neither are easy for anyone let alone a a loved one.

When it came to my condition I placed a significant amount of blame on my shoulders of which my worries could on negative days evolve into paranoia and requiring that constant reassurance from the ones I loved most.

Part of me questioned whether this paranoia had anything to do with my medication side effects, to this day I cannot quite answer that one.

Although on the outside I was a young girl trying to find her feet, cracking jokes and making friends there was this part of me that didn’t feel complete. It was like there was this part of me that never ever thought any of my dreams would actually happen because my condition could restrict me in ways that I would be oblivious to because of the unpredictability of when an episode would occur.

When I was ten my nana passed away from a heart attack. My nana lived with my mother and I in the home I shared with her before moving into my current house with my husband. Living with my mam was an eventful experience, a one I love however wish I could have done differently perhaps.

Like the majority of mother and daughter relationships our heads clashed and words were exchanged however she was my mam and I was growing up. Like my mam my nana was a woman who knew what family meant and although not comfortable financially she always ensured that while under her roof my mam and I were cared for.

My nana was the person who was there when I had my first seizure back in 1993 to when she died two years later.

My nana was the one who like the remainder of my family as years progressed would sit with me when my parents were working and would listen carefully to what I had to say. Knowing her grandchild was diagnosed with a condition neither of my parents had before me was something my nana could see upset my mam from the outside in.

My nana was my mam’s confidante as she is mine and when she died this negative energy unfortunately took over and questioned whether my dream of being seizure free for the remainder of my life could become my reality. All I could see was that now nan had gone that this worry would be imposed solely onto my mam , something I didn’t want to do.

Following many seizures, shaking episodes and constant worry my mam knows my seizures like no other.

She has seen pretty much 90% of them to which she finds this elusive strength to care for her child and become that protection barrier between me and my condition. My mam has sat through numerous neurological appointments and has given me that independence to live my life without worrying when the next episode would hit.

Eighteen years on my perception of dreaming has changed somewhat because what can be deemed as a negative has been turned into something positive.

People may question my thinking when saying this however each and every member of my family past and present has taught me that not everyone may not have the same interpretation of what Epilepsy is and you know what? That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s only when you are scrutinised for having that condition is when the problems truly arise.

Only now am I seeing that although my condition can dampen my day it doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to erase my dreams permanently and that all along my mam and I have dreamt for the same thing for me to be happy, healthy and preferably seizure controlled.

Unlike previous thoughts of ours that we’ve questioned in the past when Epilepsy is involved I can still jump on that plane, I can still make do with the money I earn, I can still have a relationship and I can still love without that worry of Epilepsy pulling the rug from underneath me and you can to. Those are mini victories within themselves.

As for the remainder of my day.

Saturday’s can mean only one thing. Family time.

After having lunch with my dad and joking about everything and nothing I decided that there was only one thing that would make my day without breaking my healthy eating regime.. A slither of chocolate and by gosh was it heavenly. I passed the remainder of the chocolate bar to my husband in which he devoured the lot and I was very jealous! Nevermind at least he got to enjoy it.

The Saturday ritual wouldn’t be complete without a £2 accumulator on the football. Bearing in mind football isn’t my greatest subject to discuss amongst individuals I decided that the football bets must be done. After having my fingers crossed that my luck wouldn’t run out and I would win like my mini victory last week (After something like my 260th consecutive loss I won £31 last week) that I would be onto yet another winner.

Unfortunately come 3.12pm (kickoff was at 3pm) my winning streak ended miserably and back to the drawing board I went. Bloody boo hiss.

Exercise wise that’s far better than my small gambling capabilities I’m on track exercising at least four times per week and feeling rather energised if I do say so myself.

To conclude today’s post. Dreaming is whatever you want it to be. Like memories your dreams are your own and they can never be taken away from you. Share your dreams if you find it’s easier or better still say them out loud if that makes you feel good about what you want.

Condition or not you’re entitled to go for what is within your reach without being pressurised or questioned because of your disability. You have every right like anyone else to show the world what you’re capable of and no-one should ever tell you differently.

Struggles and being accepted by the Epilepsy community.

“Opportunity follows struggle. It follows effort. It follows hard work, it doesn’t come before”- Anon.

This evening’s quote is a one that has struck a cord with me tonight. It’s a quote that has made me see that the past twenty years have been an uphill struggle however one that I’m learning to cope with.

Today I was given the opportunity to write for TalkHealth whom myself follow for general guidance.

Today I felt like I was accepted into the Epilepsy community whom I had a connection with. It was like I was finally accepted and appreciative of this acceptance.

It’s safe to say that I couldn’t be more proud of this website nor could I be any prouder of the Epilepsy community I have had the privilege to communicate with. that deserve my thanks and gratitude for bringing me into their lives and for giving me the opportunity to advocate this cause.

This month is Epilepsy Awareness month in which myself along with 65 million others have the opportunity to celebrate the condition we hold dear. What people don’t realise is that although 65 million suffer in fact the families, friends and loved ones who are associated with this condition suffer also.

Struggle is a negative word in which many associate struggle with failing.

As a youngster I was told from a relative that if someone never struggled then they never lived their fully because when you’re struggling you appreciate the stronger days like never before.

You realise that life is for living and that there’s more to life than upset and upheaval. Unfortunately we don’t always have that positive perspective on what we perceive life to be however we make do and try our utmost to have that sense of normality.

It’s at times like these where we appreciate the struggle and understand that somewhere across the world someone is coping with the same worries we have, the same issues that we have to address daily to ourselves and the notion that one day there will hopefully be that cure to end this panic Epilepsy can bring.

In January 2013 after careful deliberation I decided that I would address my issues, my pitfalls and my thought process where the word Epilepsy is involved through a blog that I created called Sazzle’s blog.

I combined my worries with my life in general to give you all an insight that we all have “those days” where there’s not enough hours in the day or when you’re pride has had a bit of a bashing.

Upon writing Sazzle’s blog I decided that instead of using medical jargon and terminology that on occasion I couldn’t even understand that I would express my thoughts on such a strong subject in my own words. These words would be the catalyst to provide you with an insight on how Epilepsy has effected not only me but the people around me over the past 20 years.

Sazzle’s blog was created to enable me to open doors to see if anyone could associate with my thought process and whether together we would be able to get the answers we have longed for during our journey.

The blog was also a collection of my the support network around me, my family’s views on Epilepsy as a whole and the struggles we’ve had as a family unit to create some solidarity between family time and my epileptic episodes.

Initially I thought to myself that this blog would only pose relevance to my life not considering for one second that at that time other people would have the same concerns as me however as time’s passed by this couldn’t be any farther from the truth.

To me Epilepsy isn’t just about medication taking and seizures to me Epilepsy is something far greater than that. In my case Epilepsy is something that has been on my mind from the moment I wake up for work each morning to the last thought before bed.

From the age of 8 I have felt like on occasion that I’ve been to hell and back. My seizures made an appearance, vanished at 14, returned at 18 and have remained dormant since I was 24. For 4 and a half years although the seizures have not caused the commotion I’d envisaged Epilepsy still plays a major role on my day to day life.

The worries I’ve endured throughout the years is something that to me is uncontrollable. Unlike many Epilepsy sufferers who have an aura, a vision whatever you wish to call it I have absolutely nothing before I have an attack.

To me it’s the fear of the unknown that has made the acceptance of my condition far greater however after anxious moments, shaking episodes (that I will mention in later blog posts) and numerous counselling sessions over the years are now in a position to give the support to others that I wanted so desperately to give myself.

Epilepsy is a condition that you and I both know is hard work and can mean business. It’s a condition that we try to erase however question the ability to accept it. For those who have read my blog from the beginning will know that my neurologist said upon diagnosis that “Saz may not grow out of her Epilepsy however will grow into her life” and you know what those words have remained in my mind since that very day.

To conclude today’s post. First and foremost thank you for reading my first article. Although you may feel like I’m not directly walking in your shoes right now I can associate with the worries you may have and the questions you want answering. Life can be difficult at the best of times let alone throwing your condition into the fold.

As I’ve said to my followers in the past. You’re never alone. The past is gone, the present is now and the future is yet to be written therefore live for you, put your health first and address the issue. You never know someone may be going through the same as you.

Bonfires and storms brewing.

“Some people create their own storms and get mad when it rains”- Anon.

First and foremost remember remember the 5th of November, gunpowder, treason and plot!

Good old Guy Fawkes the fact he wanted to blow up the houses of parliament is irrelevant, the fact that every 5th of November without fail have fireworks going off can be rather spectacular that’s if you’re at a firework display that is.

If you have your own fireworks then watch out because you know where they’re heading.. on your conifers that’s where they’re heading! If you’re anything like me they either won’t light or they will actually set the conifers alight!

On a more serious note I have chosen tonight’s quote for numerous reasons really.

So far this month already has flown don’t you think?

We are onto the 5th day of Epilepsy awareness month and to be fair the support from you all regarding my blog and Epilepsy as a whole has been astronomical. You all have an input and share your thoughts both positive and negative on your condition and you know what that’s a big step. Compared to previous years I’m now reading about people going out of their way to drum up support for Epilepsy and put our condition on the map.

Whether it be painting your nails purple, baking the odd cake for charity or just writing a piece about your version of events this will enable someone around the world to see that if you can do it then so can they. Each and every one of you deserves a humongous pat on the back!

Over the course of the past 48 hours I’ve been thinking long and hard about what this evening’s quote means to me.

I would say when it comes to me I have been known for over analysing everything in my life to the detriment of my health. I know in myself that I cannot blame anyone else for that, I know in myself that the majority of it was of my own making.

Now I’m not going to sit here and wallow in my old self pity or ask for any form of sympathy whatsoever because I know that over the years particularly in times of naivety that I’ve allowed myself to be in positions that I could have quite easily walked away from and didn’t. Maybe the worrying Saz was afraid of change and wanted so desperately to be a part of a group, a unit that I would be proud to say I’m a part of.

Looking back particularly over the past few years I’ve witnessed many changes of events ranging from the therapy, the worry, the shakes and the uncertainty however am starting to come to terms with the fact that I’m not the same person getting mad when it rains. I’m not the person blaming everyone else for my shortfalls.

I’m the person who nowadays doesn’t mind walking in puddles on the basis that I’m comfortable with who I am. Cutting a long story short I cannot be arsed with the hassle anymore. Kicking up that fuss doesn’t achieve anything.

You are all aware that when it comes to myself I strip it down and lay my cards on the table. I write what I feel and know in myself that by speaking to you all and sharing our lives with one another that we too can see how extremely lucky we are to have what we have right this second.

In an article lately I read about appreciating life for what it is. There are people in life who focus solely on a specific category and go hell for leather at it. Me I am what I am and I shouldn’t have to justify myself to anyone. On the basis my health permits me too then I’ll go for what I want when I want it and I would recommend you all do too.

This is the problem with life. Sometimes we get so caught up with not being able to see the wood for the trees that we forget who we are.

I can tell you exactly who you are. You are a person who will come up triumphant. You’re a person with stamina, love and are admired by others for the person you are. You are someone who shouldn’t care less about other people’s opinions because you are who you are and that should be praised not shunned. You are a person like everyone else and deserve to walk taller than ever before.

As for the remainder of the day.

On Sunday night a new healthy eating regime commenced. My goal was to remain healthy and to just eat in moderation sticking to my 1400 calorie limit. It’s safe to say that after two full days that I’m doing quite well. I didn’t succumb to my mother in law’s fabulous desserts on Monday and thought to myself about the long term goal instead of the short term happiness.

Exercise wise my slim in 6 doesn’t half make me laugh. As un-lady as it is to some reading whilst squatting there is this radical part of me that wants to stop the DVD and start doing a bit of booty shaking. If I’m squatting and it’s toning the tush then why not?!

To conclude today’s post. Don’t allow anyone to knock you down. Show yourself what you’re made of and don’t allow anyone else to tell you differently. There’s a good old saying that the people who get seen first are the people who shout the loudest. Mmmm I think I have to pass on that one.

Be your own leader.

“Being positive in a negative situation is not naïve, it’s leadership”- Anon.

Throughout life I’ve constantly wondered whether you can be your own leader or whether this is just a figment of my imagination.

I have looked at many examples over the years such as people who are less confident, people who are overly confident and then there’s the people who like to keep themselves to themselves. Can each and every category have leadership qualities?

A couple of questions for you before I continue. Do you ever feel like you’re the leader of your own life or do you prefer to stay in the background like an outsider looking in on your own life?

Hold onto that answer whilst reading on.

When we talk about Epilepsy awareness I think taking the initiative by writing down your situation can not only help yourself but others. As you are all aware with me I’m as a daft as a brush wittering on about everything and nothing however try to include that underlying message whilst I write.

That message is that until you accept what you have then there is the possibility that you’ll always be fighting a losing battle.

Now I appreciate everyone is different. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses however when it comes to what you want from life only you can make that happen.

Lately the shaky bouts (as I call them) have made more of an impact in the past two years than they have in nine.

They’ve showed their face when I’ve least expected them to thus having an impact on my thought process for the day. In my opinion they’ve interrupted weekends, the odd night out and when I’m at work. When it comes to the shakes there’s this second guessing regime that I put in place to protect myself since they initially formed back in 2004.

Like the seizures no apparent warning signs are there therefore you feel like you’re on guard 24/7. There’s not this switch that you can flip when you’re in a safer environment. You cannot prepare for them they’re just there.

Yesterday my dad and I had a discussion surrounding the shakes and my emotional tie to them. My father like the remainder of my family are not only concerned for my welfare however unlike many instances in my life they’ve never quite been able to understand in full the excessive tiredness these bouts can bring and the weight I’ve carried by not accepting them entirely.

Like I’ve said when describing these episodes in previous posts it’s the fear of the unknown that tends to make you feel inadequate.

It’s the frustration that tends to niggle me more than anything else.

It’s the little things like if I want to earn extra cash I’d work overtime when it’s on however there’s the matter that if I do and this results in further tiredness then will that have repercussions on the following week? It’s a matter between wanting and hoping that I’ve made the right decision.

My dad and I have an understanding of one another.

He can see these frustrations and want as all dad’s do to help his child as whatever’s on my mind he feels he needs to take some responsibility for. Sometimes I get myself in a muddle explaining to him what it feels like to shake. Like any parent my parents want so desperately to understand why they’re there and what could be triggering them off.

I think the general thing that makes me feel like they’re getting on top of me is the justification of what they are. It’s like I want to shout at the top of my lungs that these shakes are NOT anxiety related.

There was the possibility a long time ago that the minor shakes could have been as a result of tiredness and the odd worry on my mind however if this was the case why didn’t they appear when my parents permanently separated, when I separated from the boys in my life or when I had frequent anxious moments before a school exam? Those examples at the time were deemed greater worries than anything I’m facing right now.

After nine years of visiting consultants, Epilepsy nurses, GP’s, support groups and online bloggers we’ve all drawn the conclusion that my meds appear to be the culprit of these in some cases horrific instances.

The only worry now is that it’s not as simple as just removing me from medication entirely or going onto a brand new medication type it’s just a matter of rolling with the punches, understanding how I can cope with these and knowing that if my shakes are the only real thing I have to adjust my life around then unfortunately this is what I must do.

In times of struggle you are tested on your leadership skills and my ultimate test at this moment in time is my shakes. From someone who preferably in a years a time would love to start a family there is this part of me that prior to any conception is questioning the ability of where my shakes stand in motherhood.

Although this enters my mind occasionally I know in myself that I’ve been my own leader for as long as I can remember. Although I’ve asked for advice in the past from the people I’ve known I’ve had to accept that whatever decision I make has to accommodate my condition to a degree because sometimes making a rash decision can result in my health deteriorating and this in itself will not benefit me whatsoever.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that we all go through life with worries others will not understand or appreciate for that matter however their involvement in wanting to help us is something that should be addressed and thanked for.

As for the remainder of my weekend.

No further makeup purchases made however I have over the weekend scrapped my usual couple of digestive biscuits for a couple of rich tea with my morning cup of milky coffee. The only downside to these biscuits is the whole dunking process.

For those who have had the pleasure of eating rich tea biscuits will know that the whole saying of:

“Just have a couple and it’ll crave your sweet tooth” is a load of bollocks.

Rich tea biscuits are so addictive in my eyes. You have to have a minimum of four to enjoy what you’ve just eaten.

There’s then the matter of rich tea supposedly being decent dunking biscuits. For those who are oblivious to what I’m talking about the dunking process is when you dunk your biscuit into your hot beverage and bite when it’s softer. Rich tea biscuits are quite literally the WORST dunkers in the world.

The majority of the time the biscuit falls into your tea resorting in you having to fish it out with your fingers, burning your fingers and then spending twenty minutes running them under a cold tap. If you can relate then how annoying is that? If you can’t then just ignore this segment!

Exercise wise the slim in 6 will be completed after this post and then later we are off for a family meal with the in laws. Mmmm.. A hot beef sunday lunch… Mmmm.. Will have to minus the Yorkshire pud, or so she says!

To conclude today’s post. Sometimes taking the bull by the horns is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s portraying to you that you won’t settle for second best. There are bound to be restrictions when your condition is concerned however I bet there are other things that you excel in that you haven’t thought were possible because of Epilepsy getting in the way.

Being positive is not always about being smiley and bouncing about all the time. It’s about not losing that hope and passing that positivity onto others who may be in similar situations. Keep smiling and never stop being you!

Be slow and patient.

“Be slow to fall into friendship but when thou art in continue firm and constant”- Socrates.

Gosh can you all believe it? It’s November already, where has the year gone? It’s absolutely flown!

Unfortunately this year cannot pass by quick enough for some family health problems have upset us and challenged us however I remain optimistic and know that love will shine through and that in times of sorrow the family unite and reveal how strong a unit we really are.

Three words will come out of tonight’s post the one’s that are of the greatest importance those are:

Epilepsy Awareness Month.

November is not only a time of bonfires, warmer clothing and chilling on the sofa with your nearest and dearest it’s a month where we show our appreciation to everyone who is effected by Epilepsy. Whether it be the sufferer or the person witnessing the suffering we form a unity that cannot be broken. That in itself is something I am extremely proud to say I’m a part of and I thank you all for welcoming me into your community some ten months ago.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.

Prior to blogging and explaining my Epilepsy journey I was a person who was in denial with my Epilepsy.

I would drop it into conversation and try to enhance people’s confidence who had the same condition however I was very negative about Epilepsy because in my eyes all it brought was turmoil. I hid behind my condition and was ashamed.

Like a tornado Epilepsy reeked havoc on everyone who was in it’s path including my family and that in itself was something that I didn’t particularly enjoy. In fact for a significant amount of years I blamed myself for putting this in my family’s direction.

When I made the decision to write Sazzle’s blog I never anticipated the response it would get.

My followers are some of the nicest people I’ve spoken to. They are incredibly funny and have made me see that everyone is on a journey of some description. Chatting to you all brings a smile to my face because I know you all have your personal journeys that you are battling through to which you have allowed me to be part of your life as I have a part of mine.

I’ve formed friendships with life long advocates who channel this condition in the right way. I never for one second thought I would be deemed as an Epilepsy advocate to you all. To me I was a person with a story.

Knowing that there are others out there who although suffer different severities of the condition to mine can associate with my thought process and side effects like no other.

Epilepsy is something that affects us all. Husbands, wives, partners, mothers, fathers, grandparents, step-parents, friends, colleagues and everyone in between. It’s safe to say the majority of people you will speak to within your lifetime will know or have known someone with Epilepsy. Whether that be someone in the street convulsing or a family friend sitting unresponsive in the corner there will be that person in the back of your mind with our condition.

The patience of those very people in my eyes is something that keeps people like me going.

Those very people I’ve named are sometimes the forgotten people however without them maybe the way we perceive our condition may be a lot different because the battle would be so much greater.

Whether you have a condition or not each and every one of you has given me the strength to be proud to say that I suffer from Epilepsy and although I don’t necessarily enjoy having it that I have people like yourself who have willed me on and made me see that I needed to at times seek additional support. This in itself has given me the power to want to change my shortcomings and be satisfied with who I am.

When people mention the word Epilepsy people either do one of three things. Listen, disregard or advise.

Disregarding just one in 65 million people is like sticking two fingers up to someone you’ve just pissed off and walking away. This doesn’t help the person it just pisses them off even more, in fact it doesn’t accomplish anything.

People don’t disregard others who suffer from more well known conditions therefore why turn us away? Is it because people are scared we will have a seizure in front of them or is it something greater?

What needs to be raised is that people suffering from Epilepsy never asked for this suffering. We just want to be treat like everyone else. Normality is an issue that someone such as myself has tried for so long to have.

Although I’m not convulsing on a daily basis the shaking episodes themselves have already posed a concern to me resulting in me not being able to accomplish my goals for that day thus stressing me in extreme cases to no return. Epilepsy is still a massive part of my life and I know this won’t go away in a hurry.

To everyone else they see me as a young(ish) woman who goes to work, supports the family and buys the occasional lavish item for herself. Fortunately on the outside that is what I am.

On the inside I am a young(ish) woman suffering from a condition out of her control occasionally hiding the worry behind the smile and cracking the odd joke to alleviate the pressures of what Epilepsy can bring. This has changed recently however it will take time to accomplish.

Ever since I was younger my gran used the saying “Patience is a virtue” and come to think of it I’ve had to have all the patience in the world. Her saying couldn’t be as prominent as it is right now. Irrespective of what issues you have we all have a voice and that voice should be heard.

As for the remainder of the day. Let’s summarise:

Payday! Get in there! Shopping with my mother was on this evening’s agenda. After scoring for treble advantage points in UK based store Boots I had the pleasure of picking up a FREE (yes you heard it right) FREE purple eyeshadow to celebrate Epilepsy awareness month.

As for the food well it’s going rather well.. apart from my morning twirl. To allow myself to a little piece of chocolate tends to keep me on track than removing it entirely from my diet therefore this shall stay for the time being.

Exercise was completed yesterday. My legs are well and truly burning!

Family- As fabulous as ever!

To conclude today’s post. Here it is, Epilepsy awareness month! Be patient with the condition you have because you and Epilepsy may have to accept one another some day.

This may be a long, slow and gruelling process however I have belief in you as you have in me therefore let’s do this together. Massive hugs and thanks go to the support networks we have who give us the confidence to want that normality on our happier days. As for the rest of you thank you all for reading this evening’s post. I look forward to speaking to you and writing many more.