“A stumbling block to the pessimist is a stepping stone to the optimist”- Eleanor Roosevelt.
I think I have reiterated this once before however again I stumble across my pessimism and wonder why I go into these waves of pessimism when things aren’t quite going my way. The only answer I can draw from this is that I personally feel like I want too much from life. Does that make any sense to you all? I truly hope so, if it doesn’t my sincerest apologies.
Let’s explain it like this.
I know life isn’t simple by any stretch of the imagination. Life can be extremely complex a little bit like my brain 80% of the time. Sometimes I think we put so much emphasis on having everything right now that we lose sight of what’s in front of us right now that is the family that love us, the friends who care, the fact that we have to go out and make our own money whilst trying to juggle a condition that’s out of our control.
Now I’m not for one second saying that I want any sympathy here I just think to myself that usually in times of frustration we sit there wherever we may be and ask the same question repeatedly in our heads that being “Why me?”
If I look at tonight’s quote and merge what I’ve just said into the fold it’s safe to say that at the usual “Why me” moments that we get engrossed into this pattern of feeling sorry for yourself before finally getting that pissed off that you don’t know why you were upset in the first place. It’s safe to say that I’ve had numerous and I repeat numerous bouts of pessimism when a shake does take over.
I’d like to think usually I’m an optimist. There’s part of me that would love everyone to love one another, the whole love thy neighbour to come into practice however life isn’t like that is it?
There are genuine people in the world that care for your welfare, that are extremely generous by helping others and sharing their experiences with people less fortunate. As I’ve got older I like all of you reading this will realise that life is far more complex now than it was say 20 years ago.
Everything is about watching your P’s and Q’s, hoping that you won’t offend anybody and wanting so desperately to keep the people (along with yourself) safe from harms way.
Since being diagnosed there was a part of me that thought “Where the hell do I go from here, am I going to be on alert my entire life because I get no warning signs?”
Well the answer is up until now Yes I have been and the word exhausting at times is an understatement because I’m shattered all the time. My medication may be the culprit to this however I don’t think at times I help myself with the whole Optimism vs pessimism. The second guessing can drain you because whilst writing this I know in my head that unfortunately you cannot please everybody all of the time and that includes yourself.
In my eyes I’ve had to have a level of optimism otherwise I wouldn’t have left the house. I would have remained at home watching the world go by and making literally no decisions for myself. Having no warning signs can put you on edge however there has to be a part of you that thinks to yourself why should I watch life pass me by when other people are living their’s?
You make do with what you have and never under any circumstance allow anyone else to tell you differently. If people drop sly digs about you, then rise above because people criticise when their life isn’t running so swimmingly.
Lately I’ve questioned myself in situations and realised that as long as I can tell myself that everything’s going to be fine seizure, shake, worry or not that I have sufficient people around me who love me for me.
They can see the struggle however are so proud of where I am now compared to where I was say ten years ago. They want so desperately to remove this condition that for so long has been a major part of my life however can see that by taking it away wouldn’t actually accomplish anything because the only person that can help me is me.
It’s not about being happy constantly or putting on a brave face it’s about accepting that at times the shit will hit the fan whether that be in the form of a seizure, financial worries, work problems, children’s behaviour the works. This is what life is all about. It’s about hitting your low points to make you see how important the positives are.
As for the remainder of the week.
For three days I’ve gone exercise free and I feel rather grim for not exercising however I’ve been extremely busy after finishing work. Trying to resolve issues with bathroom appliances for our upcoming renovations (don’t ask me when they’re going to take place) is becoming a chore.
My husband is ready to tear his hair out and I’m sick of coming home on an evening to have to listen to an automated service before being told that someone will “call me back” and never actually returning my call.
Food wise. One word to sum this up. Poor. I’m in the process of joining a healthy eating regime at work next week so fingers crossed I can get back into my exercise, attend a couple of sessions and get back on track. The tuck shop at work will have to stop taking my cash and allowing me to be chocolate free!
Tomorrow I’m off to teach children some life skills. God help me. This is from somebody who makes tripping over her own feet a regular occurrence. Fingers crossed eh?
To conclude today’s post. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Be as optimistic as you can with what you have. You’re bound to be angry about some things however it’s the way you cope with it that’s most important. Know what you want and roll with it. As for the rest well that’s history.