Reflecting, feeling fine and a snippet of Beatlemania.

“Baby’s good to me you know she’s happy as can be you know she says so. I’m in love with her and I feel fine”- The Beatles.

This lyric was taken from the tune I feel Fine by the Beatles released in 1965. The Beatles are what I would like to call the epitome of class, personality, uniqueness and just sheer greatness. Some say they’re overrated. Me I’d have to disagree whole heartedly with that.

This weekend has made me truly see that artists can attempt to test their material however when it comes to a genuine classic band the Beatles are up there with the best of them.

Tonight isn’t solely about being all lovey dovey saying that I’m in love. It’s stating a few facts and accepting that although times can be difficult deep down I’m ok.

Like the majority of this week I was given the opportunity to go to a place in the UK that not only makes me feel welcome however made me want to dance all Friday night.

For those who have not seen the photos online will know that I’ve been to Liverpool with my other half. Last time I went there was back in 2002 (I think) and oh how it’s changed. One word to sum up this weekend. Amazing.

Walking up Mathew Street with my husband, entering the Cavern Club and listening to live music in Lennon’s bar made me see that I prefer music from before I was born and could quite happily sit amongst people older than myself, mingle, have the odd beer, dance and have a bloody good time. If someone gave me a time machine then I would have quite happily requested to have been transported back in time to the Beatle days.

The reason why I’ve chosen tonight’s quote is because not only is it associated with my eventful weekend it is a simple yet effective quote that keeps me singing it over and over again.

The song I feel fine is exactly what I am feeling, I’ve felt fine for the past week and have enjoyed the relaxation both with my husband and on my own for the first couple of days. Tomorrow it’s back to normal and back to work.

After writing the previous post and seeing some of the feedback it got me thinking about me as a person and what these recent counselling sessions have done to my life.

After only three short sessions I have drawn the conclusion that I’ve been a person who has always strived for bigger and better. I’m a great lover of wanting more for yourself, for bettering your family and having the luxuries that life can offer however when it comes to me sometimes I want too much too soon and this can have an adverse effect on my health.

With me it’s safe to say that I have suffered mentally and have burdened myself with unnecessary shit and have therefore got myself into a bit of a muddle. Merge this with family health issues along with my own and you have a big barrel of stress.

As a result of talking and reflecting I have noticed that I’m slowly and surely turning into the person I’ve always wanted to be.

I’m starting to not care as much about the little things such as ensuring all my jobs are completed there and then, not worrying about what the day has in store and questioning whether my shakes will come on at the drop of a hat. It’s like a little mini light switch has gone off in my head and altered my personality slightly. This is rather new to me!

Prior to going to Liverpool I sat with my husband mid week in a bar nearby and chatted about my upcoming neurologist appointment and the subtle changes being made to enable us to progress and move forward.

Not only is my better half seeing a change in me for the better however he’s noticing that being sensible is usually the best approach. Acknowledging that counselling could be part of my book for the remainder of my life is something that may happen however ultimately there’s the feeling of where we both stand with my condition and how in five years this has changed drastically.

Back in 2008 my husband and I got together my seizures were all over the place, my shakes had been in my life since 2004 and I couldn’t quite fathom how and why they were here. He saw me have a seizure for the first time. He had never seen anyone have a seizure before and understandably it scared him beyond belief.

Along with health issues 2008 came many large changes in both our lives. My husband and I purchased our first home and got engaged. We were meant to be together and kept our fingers crossed that the plan we’d set out for ourselves wouldn’t deviate off course.

Five years on (married for two) and with long lasting memories, a fair few disagreements and numerous pairs of shoes (for me) and tattoos later (for him) we have managed to acknowledge the problems we have both come across with my shakes and discussed it through like adults. To him I can lay my cards on the table and be honest as he can with me. Not having that happy medium with your partner is not something I enjoy watching. We are just us.

To me my husband is not only my husband he’s my carer to an extent and you know what? For someone who didn’t understand what Epilepsy was from the get go he’s managed superbly and has like me emphasised to others the importance of understanding Epilepsy and acting upon any episodes calmly and responsibly.

He has been the person who has dropped everything to help me in my shaky ways, pulled on my pyjamas after a seizure, sat down with me when my minds all over the place and has made me copious amounts of tea when my headaches have felt like they were never going to subside.

Overall it’s safe to say that having a support network around you is not only beneficial but the knowing that people are there is comforting. I’ve been extremely fortunate that I have a family who has been there when required, has given me the advice I needed and have also thrown a little constructive criticism my way that has too made me see that life is for living and sharing experiences can be crucial to your path to recovery.

I’ve always said facing something alone can be a daunting prospect and never think that you are alone. There are numerous self help and support groups who will answer questions and give you the time you need when you’re worrying and feeling self conscious. This is the whole purpose of spreading the word and letting people know that Epilepsy awareness is something that should be spread to today’s society, across the world.

As for today well I’m officially onto level 3 of Debbie Siebers Slim in 6 programme and I tell you something ow that bloody hurt! For just over an hour I jumped about like a loppy dog, squatted for England and raised my legs so many times that the cat ran out the door thinking I may slip out the odd fart and spoil his dinner.

In rush hour the food shopping was done and dusted and I remained within budget.

Eating wise I did well till I had a small bowl of rice pudding this evening after my Sunday roast. Needless to say I HAVEN’T had any chocolate over the past 24 hours so that’s an accomplishment in itself right? My food is prepared for tomorrow so onwards and upwards I say. Here’s to healthy eating.

As for the remainder of my evening I think this can be summed up into two words. Downton Abbey.

The new series starts this evening on ITV and I cannot wait. I think this calls for a quick bath, a nourishing face mask and a milky cup of Tetley tea.

Question for any of you Downton fans where is tonight’s episode going to take us? What’ll happen to Lady Mary? Will Carson still be as whingey as ever and will Lady Edith ever find true love?

To conclude today’s post. Realise that you are fine. You are bound to get your days where you’re feeling rather blue, the seizures may have kicked in and you’re feeling under the weather however remember this.

You have bounced back before and you can do it again. You have the strength to succeed and the drive to continue. You may feel like there’s no hope however I can assure you that there is. Everyone has problems whether they be medically driven or not. You owe it to yourself to be happy therefore let’s smile and rise above. I know you can do it.


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