“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance”-Anonymous.
And dancing I shall. Chocolate, shopping and spending time with family/friends is one thing however me dancing is a completely different story altogether. I love nothing more than having a bit boogie with anyone who can pluck up the courage to be around me dancing.
For all those who reside in the UK who know Ant & Dec (or should I say PJ & Duncan) will know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t then please YouTube it.
I know the entire dance routine of “Let’s get ready to rumble” like the back of my hand. If I get a little tipsy it usually makes an appearance somewhere during the course of the night. I know it did on the evening reception at my wedding with my cousin.. I did this sober by the way!
On a more serious note I’ve interpreted today’s quote as this.
Unfortunately you foresee you life to be one thing and live another particularly when Epilepsy is involved. You’re on alert from the moment you wake up and sometimes are reluctant to allow any spontaneity into your life incase an episode should occur.
Your reactions differ and can be extreme from time to time. One moment you’re feeling chipper without a care in the world, the next minute you’re feeling down, anxious and wanting to be left alone. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there myself on many occasion and are like many of you out there trying my utmost to be more spontaneous and to not allow the anxiety of trying something new overwhelm me.
Question for you all? Do any of you feel the same as I have? Do you worry about your condition or has it just become a part of everyday life?
Since going into counselling last Wednesday I’ve been doing some thinking and whilst taking today’s quote into consideration are realising that life is about being the best you can be with the tools you have.
You can sit there all day analysing why things don’t go your way and why life may be out to get you however this doesn’t actually amount to anything.
All it amounts to is a rather large pile of mess with you sitting directly in the centre of it. Half an hour later you’re still sitting there in the same position only this time the question of how you got there in the first place starts entering your mind.
When I started having grand mal seizures aged 8 my body went into overdrive. All I could associate grand mal seizures with were Jammie Dodger biscuits (white biscuits with jam filled hearts in the centre, for all of those that haven’t read how my seizures began please start from the beginning and work up) and I was afraid to go anywhere near one again.
Many may question how a biscuit can have the power to start an epileptic episode however at 8 years old I begged to differ and I didn’t know how to react.
After having a half a dozen seizures one after another I had partial paralysis down my left hand side for a couple of days and apart from being fussed over by the family couldn’t recall what had just happened. It was like someone had got a very large pencil, had drawn a line from the top of my skull to the tips of my toes and told my parents that I could move half of my body and the rest would remain lifeless until I regained consciousness.
Looking at the way I handled my condition then to the way I do now has changed drastically. Until I went to therapy the first time round I was a scared individual who would worry constantly as to when a seizure would arise. I wouldn’t show this however deep down I knew I wasn’t like the other kids.
Now it’s more about the emotional side Epilepsy has to offer and the accepting that unfortunately I have no control of the complexities of my brain pattern and that if an episode arises then I have to take time out and carry on when I’m well enough. Like worry pushing past that boundary particularly when you’re unwell won’t result in you being victorious it’ll just wipe you out even more.
What I’ve always wondered is why do we try to push ourselves when we’re feeling down? Why do we after we’ve had a seizure try to get back up quicker than we should and get on with life like nothing has happened? Is it because we are afraid of our condition or is to show our condition that we won’t be defeated?
I’ve asked myself this question for years and can draw only one conclusion. I think having repeated seizures/shaking episodes can only result in one thing.
Weakness is the first word that comes to mind. The amount of people I’ve spoken to in the past about their condition have explained that having a seizure frustrates them thus making them think that they’re weak individuals. I used to think the same however after speaking to Epilepsy advocates and support groups over the years can now say that you should (if you can) try to erase that mind-set and this is why.
You are a strong person by continuing with the life you have. You are a inspirational person for knowing that your Epilepsy won’t define you as a person but ultimately you are a survivor, a fighter and a person who knows that the condition you have is something that is making you appreciate life that little bit more. Never look down at the person you are because you’re getting there. You are fighting the fight and are still standing.
As for the rest of Sazzle’s day..
Firstly I woke up early this morning only to open a rather scary yet alarming picture of a female clown with a knife in her hand. Thank god I wasn’t alone in the house.
Lately my twitter pals and I have been discussing scary movies and yet again my pal Michelle was responsible for me nearly shitting myself whilst dropping my cereal on my carpet! I bloody hate clowns. They scare me senseless. I’ll get you next time mate, I may send a photo of myself that’ll scare you!!
As for the rest of the morning my mam, cousin and I have been shopping… as you do.
A black blazer (that I blatantly couldn’t afford however bought it anyway) was purchased from Zara. My excuse is that I’d completed overtime and deserved a new jacket. Another excuse is that not only is it a magnificent cut but it is a timeless piece, a piece that will show it’s fabulous self between September & Feb of next year with a pair of jeans, a large quilted bag and my riding boots.
Exercise wise that is going great. The legs are pulsating and the tummy sore however the changes are more prominent so that can only be a good thing. Bring on the Sunday dinner because I’m starving!!!
To conclude today’s post. Dance like it’s nobody’s business. You can’t prevent what life has to offer however you can focus on what you love and accept what you don’t.
As hard as it may seem however there’s people out there in today’s society who would love the life you have.
My parents repeatedly say that although my Epilepsy is something that restricts me however still enables me to have some form of life. Unfortunately there are people out there that don’t get that chance, there’s always someone worse off than you. You only get one life therefore make that change and be who you want to be.