“Success is not something you pursue. Success is something you attract by the person you become”- Jim Rohn.
Tonight is relatively short post but a one I feel may be beneficial to you all. Writing this following yesterday’s events is something that is making me feel that taking the therapy route is definitely a step in the right direction.
This evening’s quote has been interpreted as the following. There are a significant amount of people out there that believe success is on the back of wealth, power and having people surrounding them telling them how marvellous they are. To me this isn’t success. It’s power. It’s the constant thriving to be someone who you may be however at what cost?
Having the luxuries, the cash, the house, the perfect life is something people dream of. If we didn’t then we wouldn’t put the lottery on!
Compared to when I was younger to me I define success by being seizure free, by having the ones I love showing the same level of support and knowing that deep down amongst the occasional mental stress that I’m actually a good person who is rather sensible (minus my shopping intake and my obsession for chocolate)
Yesterday was like stepping back in time only this time it was a different place, a different time. I was a few years older and would like to think a little wiser. The Saz that entered therapy three years ago had changed, she was someone who although had come a long way was still backing herself into a corner not taking her own advice in times when I was vulnerable (i.e shaky times, time out etc).
Prior to the appointment my mam and I popped out for a bite to eat chatting about therapy and wondering what the outcome of these therapy sessions will be. Jumping the gun like we usually do my mam and I knew that therapy wasn’t something to turn your nose at. In fact it was something I should be embracing.
Whilst thinking about the sessions awaiting me my mam told me that she was proud because twenty years ago she didn’t know what outcome would await us both.
I think between my mam and I this discussion stemmed from an old insecurity we carried through my Epilepsy journey. As a parent she wondered how I would react to my condition and whether it would have a negative impact on my life. I on the other hand wanted so desperately for both her and my dad to see that although it upset me occasionally that I wouldn’t be defeated and that these therapy sessions would be more of a refresher than a hard slog.
Whilst travelling in the car to my destination point I sat there thinking about the people I want to assist and it got me thinking. Epilepsy and anxiety awareness is not raised enough and should be. Although I had my parents backing and the occasional bout of therapy/ self help groups/websites Epilepsy was something that wasn’t hitting home properly. It was like “They’ve got Epilepsy” and that was it.
I would like to think that I along with my fellow followers also raising awareness that we as a unit can provide that assistance that we all longed for during this process by blogging, offering advice and chatting to others in need.
Upon entering I came face to face with my therapist a marvellous young woman who I shall refer to as Jane in my blog (for obvious reasons, confidentiality being one of them).
Jane greeted me in such a pleasant manner. Softly spoken she gave the impression that she wanted to help me. To the right of me were the usual tissues to which I hoped I wouldn’t start blubbering like a baby breaking down at the drop of a hat and a jug of water for any dry mouthed moments.
Within minutes of being there I felt at ease. Jane asked that I talk and in true Saz style I talked and talked and talked some more raising up issues such as my condition, past worries and wanting to be that person who at the end of it all could walk away coping with stress that little bit better than I did a few weeks ago. I wanted to be caring about the ones I love and be carefree about everything else.
I wanted to be like that 24/7 not just half of that time.
Acknowledging my blog to my therapist brought a glimmer of hope when her reaction was positive. Hearing the “I get the impression you want to make a difference” response made me glow inside.
Jane asked why I couldn’t take the advice I was posting regular on Sazzle’s blog to which I responded saying
“I really don’t know”.
Other words that come into our discussion were ..
“We can offer advice however cannot actually take our own advice” would jump into the conversation. Whilst uttering those words there was a part of me thinking “Just let this go, sometimes we need to relax and step back for a change”
After my hour session and getting the ball rolling I walked out with a mixed bag of emotions. I think what I identified yesterday is that for years I’ve entered therapy with this apprehension. I can only resemble this with going to school on your first day or meeting your partner’s parents for the first time.
Like my seizures there was this expectancy of what my therapist would say and how I would react. Now at 28 I’ve been there and you know what it ain’t that bad after all. Referring not to farting this time but emotional baggage far be it out than in.
For the next five weeks I have to undergo the same treatment and I’m hoping that the Saz I know I can be can make more of an appearance than the one who was a nervous wreck a couple of weeks ago.
Before I go I would like to advise you of this. Therapy is something that you may find you need to refer to for the rest of your life. Some relish in it, some are afraid of it, some disregard it and some like me use it as a refresher every now and again to see my life from another person’s perspective. When you have any troubles in life talking is probably one of the most effective tools and you know what?? It doesn’t cost a penny (unless you pay privately of course)
You should never and I repeat never go through any of this alone. You are worth more than that. Independent as people are nowadays everyone will hit a stumbling block at some time in their life. You aren’t the only one.
Oozing confidence is usually the epitome of success. To a degree this is true however you attract more people by the personality you have, the support you offer and the love you bring.
Asking asking for help in my eyes takes more balls than sitting there twiddling your thumbs hoping that everything’s gonna slot back into place.
To conclude today’s post. You define success and question what you interpret success to be.
Whoever you are or whatever health issues you may have knowing who you are and what you represent is extremely important, being comfortable in your own skin also takes time however I’d like to think can eventually be done. You have so much to offer therefore offer it and if you are uncertain then seek additional advice and take it from there. Do what’s right for you.