Letting go..

“Sometimes you have to let people go. Everyone who’s in your life are meant to be in your journey, but not all of them are meant to stay”- Unknown.

What is it about letting go that we refuse to do? Is it the concern that we will never be liked? Or is it something else?

Whatever the weather you have to sit back and realise that times are changing, people move on and although you think you’re standing still watching the world pass you by you are probably completely oblivious to the fact that you’re moving too.

For the past week I’ve been off work seeing family, going on day trips here there and everywhere and just generally having a bit of me time with my nearest and dearest.

It’s times like these where I reflect and see that whatever troubles I think I have are completely erased when I’m around the people I love. Although the headaches are still prominent and the shakes make an appearance every so often I try to digress and focus on their discussion rather than me.

After a thorough chat with others I accept that the worries I have burdened myself with in the past weren’t in fact worries at all it was un-necessary tension I was putting onto myself.

The quote I’ve selected today stands out from many I’ve mentioned in the past. Why? I think it’s because it’s one that I think we all stumble across at some point in our lives. I think it’s something that we usually push to the back of our minds on the off chance that we will never have to use our decision making skills and make those vital choices as to whether to let go or to keep pressurising ourselves.

With me I have until a couple of years ago wanted so desperately to have everything plain sailing. I didn’t want the waves, I didn’t want the rollercoaster ride I just wanted to keep everyone happy and be problem free. Now it’s about not seeking approval or worrying about a plan deviating off course it’s about having a bit of a go with the flow sort of attitude instead of the “What do I do now?” panic stricken face.

Unfortunately life doesn’t work like that. You just have to look at my condition to see that. Epilepsy along with anxiety are conditions that are impulsive, they show their face when they please whether it be through convulsions, shakes or medication side effects and usually make you feel lack lustre and weak as a result.

They are long lasting conditions that stay with you until you grow out of them. Unfortunately some of us have it worse than others, some like me are very fortunate that my episodes aren’t as frequent however I know my condition is still with me therefore try to live life having a positive slant on things instead of being Miss Negative.

I would be lying to say that I didn’t have my angry and rather tiresome moments however that’s some of the downsides of my condition and something I’m trying to overcome as the years pass by.

Upon questioning how our condition and letting go are linked I will explain it the only way I know how. Ignore me if I’m wrong.

Being diagnosed from a relatively early age was dissatisfying. The fear of the unknown took centre stage and made me extremely paranoid to the point where I didn’t know whether I was coming or going, whether some people were my friends because of my condition and knowing I was being someone else to counteract my condition.

To put it bluntly I was scared of my Epilepsy because I didn’t get the warning signs, I got no aura and usually when I had a seizure I was found in the strangest of places in the bath, in the middle of a main road, on a bus en route to work. If I’m brutally honest I was afraid of it for a long time and didn’t want anyone to see my weakness. I could talk about it with partial passion however was afraid of what my Epilepsy could turn into.

What I should have done from the get go is to stare my condition in the face and show that I wasn’t afraid. As for the negative people around me well what I should have done in a dignified manner is to tell them where to go and remove that negativity from my mind so I could concentrate on remaining stress free, schooling, work etc.

What is apparent as I get older is that everyone will go through life condition or not making mistakes, raising questions time and time again and that initial worry of whether you’ve made the right decision in all aspects of life. What we should be doing is accepting the decision made was possibly right at the time however the most important is that we hold the people we love so dear close to us and allow them to be a part of our journey as we are a part of theirs.

With regards to your condition. You may never be able to let go of your Epilepsy because you’re Epilepsy is a part of you. Ask yourself why would you want to let it go? Yes you want the seizures to stop, yes you want the headaches to go away and yes you want to feel relatively normal however if you were to take them away entirely wouldn’t your mind not worry about something else?

Epilepsy to me is something that although it’s in the back of mind is something I should be proud of not afraid of.

Whatever your problem you should be proud at what you’re currently achieving and the strength you have within yourself to persevere and continue. As for the rest of the people who can’t share your happiness then as harsh as it is to say Fuck them because they don’t deserve your tears. You have to be accepting of what you have and in doing so will give you the determination to continue.

As for the past 48 hours. I’ve done my rounds with the family, went to a BBQ and had a couple of bottles of Bud to wash down the mini burger I had. To summarise the week. It’s been rather enjoyable.

On Thursday night my other and I decided it was only right to have a night at the cinema. For those who saw my twitter timeline on Thursday will know that Monsters University was the film of choice. There we went, me sitting on my usual aisle seat tucking into my two scoops of Ben & Jerrys Fro yo amongst the six year old kids tugging on mammy’s arm for more popcorn and sweets. Bless them.

The film was easy watching, rather comical and took me back to my youth. It wasn’t a patch on the first one however rather good if I do say so myself.

Food wise. Apart from the burger I had yesterday and the mammoth portion of cheesecake consumed after the eating has been going ok. I’m within my calorie limit and have been exercising every other day.

I’ve been given a little exercise plan from my pal Michelle and have been trying to get those squats, plank and push ups in there. I have attempted to also do my Nike running with my twitter pals however my headaches start straight away after those so as soon as they do I’ll be back on it. For my mate Sandy you’re doing great! Keep it up!

To conclude today’s post. Letting go is extremely difficult and something you’ll do when it’s right for you. Sometimes we have to get rid of the rubbish to see clearly. Life is about embracing new challenges and making new memories for yourself not worrying about the negativity surrounding you.

How can you move forward if you’ve got people dragging you down? Forget what hurt you in the past but never actually forget what it taught you. It taught you to be strong and maybe it will teach you to think twice before being hurt again. Remember this. In order for you to be happy you need to have that happiness around you. The rest is history.


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