Pulling yourself back up, cloudy days and shoes galore.

The weekend is here. How long has this week been please? Is it me or has it gone so slow?

Today’s post has more swearing than usual so sorry folks. It’s all in jest though 🙂

The sun ISN’T out in the good old North East of England and I’m well miffed. Supposedly the weather forecast predicted that we would be having the sun cracking our pavements however I’ve been proven wrong. Everywhere else in the country seems to be basking in the sun however not for me this weekend I’m afraid, I’ll just have to stick with my new gradual glow to enhance the mini tan I already have.

Tonight’s quote has to be:

“The only person who can pull me down is myself and I’m not going to let myself be pulled down anymore”- C Joybell

This quote reassures me that although we all have tough times ahead I refuse to pull myself down when problems arise.

It’s understandable you’re going to have down days and that’s human nature.

When it comes to our condition our bodies take over and unfortunately without any prior warning we have episodes or moments of anxiety about what our condition can bring. As for the rest of our lives it’s all about trying to remain positive and doing what you can to assist yourself.

My interpretation of this evening’s quote is this.

Unfortunately we go through life and question our own authority on many occasion. We sit there questioning whether we’ve made the right decision, whether we could have done better or whether we’re destined for bigger things somewhere down the line. Either way we sit whether it be on our own or with others and analyse what could have been.

I think having a medical condition may make you question your actions more because you’re never fully in control. It’s safe to say that there’s this possibility that an episode will occur without us getting that warning sign therefore our minds go into overdrive and strike that analytical cord in our heads questioning our own judgement.

With me I’ve fallen into this category many a time wondering what’s round the corner and whether what I’m doing is going to benefit me or drag me down and by extension having an adverse effect on my health.

Unfortunately thinking this way is absolutely ludicrous. What’s the bloody point sitting there chewing your nails over something that you cannot remove from your life? Epilepsy is me I can either whinge about it, accept it or feel sorry for myself at every available opportunity. There’s no point in running usually it’s better to stand tall, face up to it and see how you get on.

Throughout my journey I have written scenarios about Epilepsy and dating, driving issues, medication concerns, worrying and anxious moments in which I’ve felt completely out of control.

What I have noticed whilst explaining my journey to you all is that writing it down makes me see how far we can all come. The writing itself is very therapeutic for me.

People may look upon others writing down their emotions as childish and wussy however if it’s going to allow you to remove that tension from your mind then whose business is it of theirs to judge you?

Everyone’s entitled to an opinion however if it isn’t constructive then they should leave their thoughts to themselves. If someone says something out of the ordinary don’t waste your time worrying like I have in the past, write it off as a bad job, ignore them and pat yourself on the back for what you’re doing to help yourself.

I’m not saying by any stretch of the imagination that I’m a saint or that I’m perfect it’s just that the more I write about my experiences the more it sinks in that after 20 years of living with Epilepsy has resulted to this.

When I mean this I mean acknowledging that I have a condition, accepting fault with myself, accepting that my condition will not define me and that I have a life to lead therefore I better stop kicking myself in the arse and go live it.

Today whilst out with dad on our usual Saturday mornings together we discussed briefly about the power of the mind and how at times it can play tricks on us all. One minute we’re full of beans laughing and joking like it’s nobody’s business without a care in the world the next minute the worry strikes and we’re a bag of nerves.

My dad and I have drawn the conclusion that life isn’t all about moonlight and roses. It’s about taking responsibility for the actions you can control but better still getting back up as quick as you’ve fallen.

My dad and I reminisce about our childhood memories and appreciating that we all have struggles. My dad is a person with integrity who when we talk about my condition has that look of concern in his eyes knowing that he cannot wave a magic wand and tell my body to grow out of my Epilepsy.

We do however try to make light of our problems and acknowledge that there’s people worse off than us therefore we have to be thankful for what we have right now.

What he does say and I will advise you of this is that on the days where you’re struggling focus on one thing that’ll keep your mind active whether you’ve got something planned over the weekend, whether you’ve got a delicious meal prepared for later on or something as simple as your other half making you a cup of tea on their return from work should be something that should bring you back to some form of normality.

Whatever that little excitement may be channel all your energy into this and see if this helps matters. If it doesn’t then ride the storm because you know eventually it’ll pass. Wise words from the old man I love him dearly as he has always had my interests to heart therefore I thought I’d pass his words onto you all.

As for the remainder of my day.

Shoes shoes and more shoes. For any males out there reading this this will sure as hell bore you senseless however needs must therefore ladies listen. If you live in the UK get yourself to River Island. Their sale is immense. Everywhere you go there’s sales on and I’m like a mad woman possessed with no cash to spend. Thank god I had a £20 voucher otherwise I would have gone mad.

As soon as I walked in there they were black and leopard skin flat pointy shoes.. I nearly shit myself when I saw the pricetag.. £5! Are you kidding me? A fiver? Right sold. You cannot get a decent sandwich and a bottle of coke of that. They had my name on it so I gave them the once over and started mooching some more funky shoes in hand.

Then my dad (the fashion guru he thinks he is) shouted ” Over here”

And there they were.

Some white shoes resembling brogues/looking like golf shoes/very feminine looking buckles on them and I was in love. I didn’t know what I was more impressed at the fact my dad had found a gorgeous pair of beauties or the price. £15 from £60! Woooo! £20 spent in 15 minutes. Get in there. I forgot all about the sun.

As for my Sazzle fast food no go challenge that I set myself well… It all went tits up about 2pm. I had a chocolate brownie and fish and chips for tea.

Shitty fuckity bollocks.. In my defence I exercised. That’s a poor excuse however tomorrow my meals are prepared and are written on my kitchen blackboard for the week.

Exercise wise I’m getting stronger. I’ve hung fire on the running on my Nike running app (free on iTunes) for the time being as it’s a little too much on the top of Kill Jill therefore I will resume tomorrow on the basis this headache goes.

To conclude today’s post. Our life is like the weather. One minute it’s glorious sunshine the next minute it’s blowing a gale and you’ve got your wellies on running for cover to get out of the rain.

Whatever the weather it’s all about acknowledging that we have to take ownership for what we want even though our restrictions can cause us to think harder from time to time. I love nothing more than to keep my mind active (hence the shopping) however writing down your feelings can get off your chest the worries the day has already brought.

What I would advise is this. Always remember that it takes more of a person to pull themselves up than to stay down defeated. Be elated not deflated and always stay true to you. Although you feel that struggles break you they can in fact make you therefore wash away the sorrow and think about tomorrow.

PS: Am I a poet and don’t know it? I’ve just rattled that off the top of my head. Right I’m acting like a tool therefore I’m off. Glass of wine time. Have a great weekend xx


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