“There is no greater agony that bearing an untold story inside you”- Maya Angelou
This quote is a prime example of feeling doubtful. Usually in times of crisis we can sink or we can swim, the same rules apply here. The quote above is a clear indicator that everyone is different. You may find that people fall into categories such as the bubbly category, the analytical category, the un-phased category or the category where you feel like you can do nothing right.
Whatever category you fall into ask yourself why you fall into that category.
A couple of questions for you.
To form your answer have you decided that this is the person you are or have people over the years formed a picture of who they interpret you to be resulting in you believing in them and not yourself?
These questions are valuable in the self belief process and are in my opinion some of the questions we may have to face before introducing change into our schedule particularly when we have other things to consider such as our emotional state or our medication regime.
For years people have said that “I go to the far ends of a fart” with certain things such as organising days out, wanting to make sure everyone’s involved and to ensure that I don’t offend anyone in the process.
As much as the people reading this may think “Ooo that’s not too bad, you’re only trying your best” what they fail to see is the true meaning behind the scenario I’ve just explained.
Since starting school I got into the habit of wanting to please everybody, being worried that I didn’t have sufficient friends and that Saz would be alone.
I was never one of these bolshy girls who would act like a complete bitch to get what she wanted. I was a girl who wanted to be heard however would refrain from totally letting herself go.
I would say that a large percentage of this self doubt was due to my Epilepsy because I never knew what was round the corner therefore felt that by letting go could do more harm than good. Let just say I had moments where I was subdued instead of just being a kid.
As the years are passing by I’m starting to accept that I cannot change the past. The past is done and dusted. I can sit here now on my sofa writing about past experiences possibly wishing that these events could have been re-written however they can’t be therefore ask yourself this what’s the point in worrying?
When it comes to our condition there’s questions that may never be answered.
There’s issues that you feel are private therefore you hang fire and keep these worries to yourself. I’m not going to sit here today and tell you what personality you should have because you already answered that question earlier on. We are never going to be the same. Our actions may change however if they don’t you shouldn’t be penalised for that.
I’m a great believer of getting everything out in the open because bottling it up will achieve nothing. If you have a ton of shit on your shoulders or whizzing round in your mind the not opening up can be more detrimental to your health by being closeted and saying nothing. As I say each to their own.
If you want to discuss anything then open up to your support network you don’t have to worry about family or friends’ perception of your problem therefore open up to someone outside of the box. You may be presently surprised with the outcome.
I’ve said on many occasion if we were all the same then life would be pretty boring, you would be like a sheep in the same herd all walking in the same direction. There would be no variation, there would be no change to your conversation and everyone would be agreeing with one another to keep the peace. Is this what you want? Do you want to be heard but in the correct manner? Do what you feel is right.
About the past 24 hours.
Lately I’ve been chosen to get involved with assisting children and teaching them life skills. When I say life skills I mean the going to work, the determination to want to succeed and be independent and to get out of the benefit culture we live in.
It’s all about giving children a foundation to build and to see what would they would prefer to do with their own lives. This falls in quite nicely with the question I asked you all earlier. Do they choose to sink or swim?
Initially I thought I wouldn’t be the right person for the job, my self doubt crept in slightly however after recognition from my family and friends I’ve realised that I too can don my bright coloured jeggings and converse pumps to be down with the kids. After all we were all children once needing direction therefore I owe it to them to assist when I can and to volunteer offering my services as and when required.
As for the remainder of yesterday.
Exercise tick, healthy eating (bar a milky way) tick, feeling pretty good about myself because my tan’s developing tick. Weather’s downright gorgeous- I’d say that’s a full house.
Other news. I’m skint.. as ever! I purchased my decleor gradual glow body moisturiser with a self tanning agent in it (couldn’t resist) and I cannot wait to try it. I have a base to work with therefore fingers crossed I won’t be going all patchy.
I also tripped today on my way into the house and make a complete berk of myself. Isn’t it just crap when that happens? You’ve got your keys in one hand, your mobile phone in another and before you know it you’ve tripped over the step stubbed your toe and let out a massive “Eeeee” whilst getting into the house. Goon.
To top it all off the neighbour saw and started chuckling to himself. One part of me wanted to shout “Have you never fell into your house before like?” however didn’t. I refrained, had a laugh with him before consoling myself with a cup of tea. The joys of life eh?
To conclude today’s post. Don’t be afraid to share. Do as my gran would say be a leader and not a follower. Followers can have restrictions leaders don’t. Do what’s right for you and share what you feel would be beneficial for both yourself and others.
People frown upon sharing thinking it’s too corny however when it comes to you as a person you have to decide what you want, to hell with everyone else. In my opinion asking for help is far more sensible than going it alone. You never know what’ll happen if you just share.