We can’t shine without darkness.

The purpose of this evening’s post is to make everyone see that sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to want more for ourselves, to become driven and to ensure that we prioritise our lives correctly.

Whilst flicking through a fistful of quotes tonight I stumbled across the following:

“Stars can’t shine without darkness”

And you know what they can’t. I think I may interpret this quote in a funny kind of way. As corny as it may seem to see that we’re all stars wouldn’t be farther from the truth because we all have our story to share and our experiences to pass onto others.

Since writing this blog I’ve become to feel more confident in myself and the people I’ve had the opportunity to speak to. Lately myself along with a couple of relatively new followers have decided to talk more in depth about our condition and to refresh ourselves with the importance of raising Epilepsy awareness whether this be through humour, exercise, music or just general positivity to help each other along.

For the past few days my headaches have been interfering with my daily pattern coming possibly every couple of hours. Sitting in the sun hasn’t entirely helped however it’s very rare that we see glimpses of sun in the North East of England therefore decided it was only best to retreat outdoors.

Whilst lying in my back garden over the weekend I’ve been thinking of the honourable people out there who listen, who educate and who offer those words of advice in times of sorrow.

It’s those very people who make me proud, it’s th same people who know exactly who they are and what they represent.

In previous posts I’ve called upon my family, friends and support networks to get me through my times of need.

When I was confused about my seizures they were there, when I couldn’t quite fathom why my seizures had returned again they were there. It’s safe to say that I am indebted to all those people who have tried their utmost to make my life easier and to take the strain off my shoulders.

The people who I personally find get me through days of worry just so happen to be my family.

The people who I am reaching out to tonight to offer a massive thanks just so happen to be our parents, our guardians and our partners because our condition effects them also. It’s safe to say that they make us see there is light at the end of a long tunnel. So thank you.

Since writing my blog I have spoken with a half a dozen mothers/fathers who are experiencing the difficulties their children face and want to guide their children in a place they can both understand and are comfortable discussing.

I remember at the age of 8 my parents and I were oblivious as to what Epilepsy was. Convulsing became a regular thing and my mam in particular was on constant alert.

Every jerk, every clatter, every groan my mam was there questioning asking me constantly whether I was ok. My mam didn’t mean any harm, she wasn’t being interfering she was just being my mam. She was looking out for her daughter as any parent would their own and I’ve always loved her for that.

It’s probably safe to say most parents reading this would do the same for their children.

Coming to terms with the fact that their child has a condition you cannot control must be scary however being the rock that your children can go to in my opinion is without doubt the most comforting thing any parent can do. We mightn’t say thank you when we’re feeling down however we still love you. The just listening is enough and will never go un-noticed.

To witness anyone having a seizure can be very distressing however to watch your child/partner go through it must be worst still particularly when neither of you have any understanding as to why they’re there in the first place.

From those who have read my blog from the beginning will realise that my family and I aren’t any normal family. In fact we are a right bunch of goons joking on like best friends!

My parents separated at an early age met new people however still come together for a chinwag and a morning cuppa every Saturday. My parents and I look at one another as a happy family, not one divided but one united for the good of one another.

Arguing over the past or dwelling on what could have been is something we refuse to do therefore we come together and enjoy each others company. This has been the same since I was four years old and to be honest I wouldn’t change the dynamics of our relationship for the world.

Growing up all I envisaged was a young girl living her life without worry or suppressing anger. Although my parents educated me the best they could regularly in my mind (after a seizure) my room would feel like it was full of darkness. There didn’t appear to be any light and as for me shining well I never thought that this would happen in a million years what with all the testing and medication taking.

Fast forward twenty years and you have someone who can see light in front of her. I’m still getting there however I refuse to back down. I would say since having this condition my emotions have been all over the place however if I never had it what sort of a person would I be?

You can never pinpoint the way you’re day’s going to go, the knockbacks you may face or the successes you thought were never possible however taking each day as it comes should be something you make a priority along with your health and happiness. Sitting on the fence shouldn’t be an option because all you look like is some individual sitting on a fence.

We should be allowed to shine however only you can through belief make yourself shine by facing up to your worries, accepting your condition and bringing everything you want and love (along with your condition because it’s a part of you) and putting it into the one box. Refocus your mind and see what happens.

Ask yourself is this something you can do, is this something that can be achievable? I believe in you so why don’t you give it a try? If all else fails then try another time.

As for today’s event’s off I toddled to work this morning falling over my feet as I walked in because I was that tired. My top was on back to front (that I had to reassemble in the toilets) and I looked like a frigging panda all baggy eyed. I was armed with paracetemols for my headaches, SPF15 and a muller yoghurt (along with my lunch of course).

Food wise my meals have been quite good cereal for breakfast with a morning cuppa, tuna pasta for lunch, fruit and a half a dozen glasses of water. For tea well.. I had a toby carvery.

I caved in to a little mashed potato however ate all veg, white meat and I didn’t have a (duh duh duh moment).. Yorkshire pud.

What? No Yorkshire pud you say? Well I was trying to be healthy. It killed me however I did it and you all know fine well how I like my Yorkie Puds.

Exercise wise once the food has settled I’m gonna give that a try. I’ve got the rest of my Kill Jill to do along with a little bit of Nike running. My pals and I on twitter are gonna give this a try.

One of my pals said keep fit to prevent a fit. I thought that was a very good quote therefore I thought I would give this one a bash. After all I need to keep my mind active and tone up this wobbly arse!

To conclude today’s post. Shine as bright as you can. Never live in a world of darkness because living in a world of darkness can lead to fear and doubt.

Instead of accepting defeat smile in the face of danger, give yourself a pat on the back and stop being so harsh on yourself. I say this with the greatest intentions and know that you are stronger than what you think you are. Having a condition is difficult and overcoming anxiety is hard however we will all get there, me included. I promise.

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2 thoughts on “We can’t shine without darkness.

  1. Do you know what I admire you for a lot of things but your work ethic is a big one! I’m like a baby when I get a headache- I just can’t stand them. And I remember one bloke I used to work with (he was sacked a while back) who called in sick because his guinea pig died. Ok I’d be devastated if a pet died but it wouldn’t stop me working!

    Asides from that yes we are all stars, I’m talking to one now 🙂 x

    • Hey Hayley.

      Thanks chick! I do try with my headaches. If they’re too bad I have to rest otherwise it’s onwards and upwards. I’m always armed with my paracetemol & ibrouphen. You have to keep working. Always think onwards and upwards! Thanks for the lovely compliment. Hope you’re well xx

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