The turning point.

Good evening everyone.

Hope you’re all well and overly excited at the prospect that our Summer is actually kicking off here in the UK and that we eventually have a little bit of nice weather. Although the weather is rather superlative the heat can be unbearable and at times force you to retreat indoors even though you want so desperately to stay outside. Nevermind at least the sun’s out eh?

I’m just going to jump straight in with a quote about this evening’s topic.. the turning point.

“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do”- Henry Ford.

To summarise It’s the doing that matters, it’s the doing that gets you noticed and it’s the doing that makes you feel pretty damn good about yourself in testing times. Sometimes people come out with the expression

“Life is one big mind game”

But is it really? Is it not just our mind questioning why we’re thinking a specific way, not the

“If I chose to think about this logically this would happen”.

Is that not the better solution? Logic should come into the majority of tasks we do however on occasion we are impulsive making irrational decisions about our relationships, our weight, our occupation, our finances but most importantly our health.

Now over the course of the past few days I have watched my health do it’s usual. Shaking, headaches, excessive tiredness then not actually sleeping and the odd bout of doubtfulness. On the flip side there’s this part of me that wants to go full pelt at the exercise regime, eat as healthy as possible and think stuff the routine I’ll do what the hell I like. To think this way is normal for some however I want to get out of this habit.

Part of me is half way there the other half is thinking that this could be pushed further because I should know that if I want to persue something then only I can push myself.

I can associate with the quote of the day in which I think about my reputation.

When people say the word “reputation” usually the first thing that comes to my mind is the negative side of someone’s reputation that can consist of them being an absolute twat possibly cheating on their partner, thinking they’re the big cheese, attitude’s all wrong and just acting downright nasty.

What I want isn’t the reputation that’ll turn people away like I’ve got a bad smell but the reputation to be noticed for all the right reasons.

What I’m saying here is that for years all I’ve done is bounce forward, back, to the sides without actually knowing why I’m bouncing. It’s the constant questioning about where my life is going that’s preventing me from living my life.

Although I’m on the right track on down days I have a tendency of over evaluating my day before long it’s the week, then it’s the month then before I know it it’s my entire life. I’d like to call this the “tallying up effect” in which I will see one problem and before I know it it’s escalated into a whole barrel of nothing with only me suffering.

To my knowledge I was never this way pre diagnosis I think old habits come and bite you on the arse every now and again for all the wrong reasons therefore the intention is to hopefully push this revolving mind destruction to one side and focus on the day’s when I am well, when I’m not shaking, when I’m not feeling like a loser.

What I would advise is look at how far you’ve come? Are you someone whose seizures have reduced slightly? Are you someone who has lost a lot of weight? Are you getting noticed at work or have you started a new relationship? Whatever the outcome this is building a reputation for all the right reasons.

Compared to when I was younger I’d like to think that I have more knowledge now of what my condition brings to the fore.

Since writing this blog I’ve encouraged people to try their utmost to accept themselves because if you’re not prepared to cut to the chase and try to accept what you have then what’s the point? Life is a testing experience and something that doesn’t always necessarily go your way. I never thought for one second that I would be sitting here managing to write this let alone have the people around me that I do.

In times of repetitive shaking I thought that this was it, that I would no longer be able to work and that my whole world would come caving in. With people who are unable to work because of their condition my heart goes out to them however they wouldn’t want my sympathy because they too have accepted that their Epilepsy is a part of their life and feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to make it go away.

In time people try to adapt to their circumstances and move on. Ask yourself this Why wait for something that may never change?

Before writing this blog I questioned myself and thought the best policy would be to not concentrate on horrendous occasions but to try and motivate myself and others by being true, honest, explaining my situation to enable me to help. Instead of feeling blue I’ve utilised the information given from colleagues, family, friends, therapists and online buddies to acknowledge what was good about my life and where I want to go. Low and behold I’m getting there slowly but surely. Instead of worrying about everyone else I now think.

“Fuck it, enough’s enough. Are people worrying about me? Course not they’re out there living their lives”

And so should I. So should you for that matter. You’re not defined by your condition you’re defined by yourself and this should be your turning point, the turning point to pass onto others. What I can’t discourage is that my Epilepsy may always be there, I’ve lived with it every day in some way, shape or form for over twenty years.

Why should I concentrate on another twenty years on uncertainty and worry about it when I can have twenty years of being who I want to be happy, content, carefree and just rolling with whatever punches may come my way.

People may feel that this is the wrong attitude to take however I know worrying isn’t getting me anywhere therefore I continue to take this alternate approach. Stop fearing who you are and start smiling at what you can achieve.

As for the past 24 hours I’ve been exercising, eating relatively healthy (old habits are dying hard on the Sazzle fast food no go challenge- biscuits have been eaten) and have been visiting relatives.

It’s so difficult to eat healthy and not snack. It’s the not snacking that’s the hardest however I will persevere and plod on. Apart from that it’s Friday tomorrow so roll on the relaxing time.. sitting in the sun and just chilling to my heart’s content.

To conclude today’s post. Today’s quote pretty much says it all. Having the right reputation can steer you in the right direction. You’re going to get problems along the way however it’d be pretty boring if everything was plain sailing wouldn’t it? Embrace change, try to move forward and sit there smiling instead of frowning.

This may be easy to say from someone who’s been seizure free for a few years however I know how worry can effect you and I know how worrying can change the dynamics of things. If we all stand tall, refuse to be defeated and roll with the times then we may all be happier people. It could be the turning point for us all.

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