We’ve only just begun.

Hey everyone the sun is out and I look a right mess.

Hair’s up, shorts are on, sleeveless top on and hair sticking to my head. What a sight but what the hell. This is what Sunday’s are all about.

The sun is out, it’s a beautiful day. The breeze isn’t keeping me cool in the slightest therefore I thought a shade break was required hence me writing my post now.

Hope the weather is rather splendid where you are. I’m a lover of the sun however am fair and this can only lead to one thing me turning into a little lobster frazzling in my back garden.

The SPF has been lathered on with SPF 50 on my face and SPF20 everywhere else. I can smell that summer is officially here and I’m not going to jinx it by asking for how long?

In the distance is the smell of BBQ’s and it’s making me want to jump over the back fence and grab some sausages off the grill from the house a couple of doors down. I will refrain for now and discuss the Sazzle’s fast food no go challenge a little later in the post.

Today’s quote has to be:

“With every rising of the sun thing of your life as just begun”

Quite ironic the quote isn’t it? The sun is out, the majority of us have the pleasure of spending this time with loved ones and enjoying the little sun we have. Life is the same. We must grab it by the short and curlies and never take anything for granted. Don’t waste time just do.

At present I’m reading a book about a young woman’s quest for happiness and how she is managing to get there through positive thinking. To maintain a positive attitude is what I would call a required element. To radiate that positive attitude amongst others will see how strong you are and may spur you on to make the desired choices you believe are right for you.

Throughout life people get into this monotonous routine of what I’d like to call “same old same old” i.e. going/returning from work, sorting the home, taking care of the children and so on and so on.

Although all these tasks are essential (particularly when work and children are concerned) I find that we get into the habit of having no “me time” thus resulting in us burning ourselves out and not quite wondering how we actually got there.

I remember as a child I never quite understood why my mother was so tired all the time. I think sometimes I say I’m tired and I’m not. I think I have just got into the habit of saying I’m tired because I’ve got nothing else to talk about. This sounds ludicrous but I think it’s actually true.

Now the age she was then I can fully appreciate the struggles my mam has gone through to ensure that the bills were paid on time, a roof was kept over our heads and that I was happy. This is just instinct. You do what you have to do to get by.

After deliberation I can see how she would be tired and after a long working week and a day spent together why she would drop into a deep sleep. It’s safe to say that this was because my mam could work anything up to a 60 hour week factoring in overtime most weekends to enable me to have the life she never had.

I find that many of us go through life scared to go outside of our comfort zone out of fear we’ll fail. I know with me I don’t dislike rejection however can have quite a short fuse when I cannot get something right.

With my Epilepsy I’ve identified over the years that although my seizures have remained dormant my concentration is short, my attention span is even shorter and as for gripping items (such as a duvet whilst making a bed) is extremely difficult. Something as simple as picking up a large carton of milk after a shaky bout can pose concern because my hands are so weak and sore.

The frustration can get immense because all I want is to make that that bloody cup of tea without assistance however my body for some reason or another won’t allow this to happen. Instead of sitting there pondering over the how’s, why’s and what fors I’m learning to take a step back, accept that this job isn’t going to be ticked off my list just yet and move on.

I’ve found that with any condition my main obstacle has been the frustration. Frustration can fall under a variety of scenarios. The frustration of a seizure, the frustration of a shake, medication changes, appointment changes, fear of the unknown the list is endless really.

As a child it’s all about learning, as an adult you believe that you should know how to adapt to certain situations however after many discussions with relatives the ultimate decider is this. What we all need to accept is that even as an adult you’re learning something new every day about the people we meet, the people we already have in our lives and the choices we have to make to get by.

Another thing with me that I’ve touched upon in the past is the anger. I’ve set myself rules to control this and are doing rather well however it’s the anger that sets in when you don’t accomplish what you want to do in such little time. It’s the observation from my family and the constant asking “Will you help” that doesn’t half get on my wick at times.

I am however starting to realise that if this is the least of my worries then I should count my lucky stars and just get on with things because I don’t want my self esteem to be knocked every single time something gets be down.

If you are ever in a situation such as this look at the job, ask someone for help if necessary, leave the room, grab a bite to eat and return an hour late when you’ve cooled off.

Don’t allow this worry to fester and see how you get on second time around. If you succeed then give yourself a massive pat on the back. If not then repeat this cycle until you achieve what you want to achieve. Never beat yourself up because it really isn’t worth it and may trigger off an episode anxiety or epilepsy driven.

As for today’s events well I’ve set out what I said yesterday and have started the Sazzle’s fast food no go challenge” staying well clear of junk and focusing on healthy eating instead. This morning was all about the cereal and my usual morning cuppa. My husband decided to make a homemade vegetable soup therefore I devoured this and had another cuppa. I’ve drank water all day and decided the only sweet thing I could have was a low fat banana yoghurt.

I have a plan marked out for next week’s food choices and I WILL stick to them because I have a picture of me looking like Elle McPherson sticking in my head. The aim is to be a healthier Saz, a more carefree Saz and that’s exactly what I intend to do. I’m sick of saying and not doing therefore I have decided that I must reinforce change.

I may even change my name to Saz McPherson the domestic, athletic goddess. Only time will tell.

Talking about exercise the killer buns and thighs DVD killed me. You would think someone had just stood on my toes at one stage because I was rolling around the floor like a right lunatic. You think someone had just told me that all my clothes had been burned the way I was behaving. Never mind I’m up and raring to go.

To conclude today’s post. We’ve only just begun. I promise I won’t break into a verse of the Carpenters song we’ve only just begun but I will say this. Dig deep and see what happens.

If you’re feeling stressed take that required time out and have a bit of me time because there’s nothing worse than feeling like the whole world’s on top of you. The biggest thing I would recommend is to ask for help if you need it. I say this repeatedly in my blog posts and feel that it’s the key factor to wanting/receiving help. Sometimes a third party can tell you where you’re going wrong.

It takes more of a person to ask than to sit fighting alone. Try to remain positive, regain that focus and see what happens when you do so. I promise there’s light at the end of the tunnel. If you believe then you’re halfway there.

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