Being a product of my own decisions.

There’s some things in life we cannot change such as being made redundant, needing to take our children to the hospital when they’re unwell and having a condition we cannot control.

This afternoons quote is one courtesy of twitter account @yestopositivity. The site is not only an excellent source to obtain quotes but writes quotes that make me want to throw in my input.

The quote of today is:

“I am not a product of my circumstances I’m a product of my decisions”- Steven Covey

Decision making can sometimes put you in an awkward position particularly when friends and family are concerned.

Questions are usually raised such as “Will I make the right decision” or “Am I going to offend anybody by making this decision” or finally “Will that decision have an impact on others?”

These are the three questions that were at the forefront of my mind when making a decision.

Nowadays I think about the other person however I need to realise there’s a fine line between not offending someone and being treat like rubbish. I remember when I was about nine years old I was put in an awkward position. My Epilepsy was pretty much in it’s infancy and I had friends who couldn’t quite decipher what my Epilepsy was, come to think of neither could I.

Within six months some of my friends disappeared, whether this be childhood behaviour or whether they didn’t want to hang around with me because of my condition I can’t answer and to this day I still don’t know why we went our separate ways. Let’s just say that looking back they were as ignorant as I was when it came to my condition as I was oblivious as to what I was.

I held no grudge I just knew that I was changing and times were moving ever so fast. It was only when I saw my friend having a seizure in the centre of the play-yard that I started to question where Epilepsy stood in my life and what I’d need to do to defend myself.

That’s the way Epilepsy made me feel when it came into my life. I was on constant alert trying to defend myself from the Epilepsy itself not necessarily the people wanting answers.

Life is a funny old thing and something I write about repeatedly because we have to evolve to keep up with how quick life is passing us by. People may read this and say that I’m being ever so serious however I still feel like a teenager. I

I don’t feel like a 28 year old woman working full time with her own mortgage to pay, husband to care for and cat to feed. In my eyes I still have feelings of a 16 year old wondering when I’m gonna wake up and see what the past 12 years have brought.

Previously I was a person who would fall in line with everyone else. Nowadays I’m starting to see that I have a voice, a one that wants to be heard and needs to be more outspoken about the issues worrying her hence writing this blog. As times progressed I have had more of a voice particularly surrounding subjects such as family, friends and my general lifestyle.

Making decisions shouldn’t scare you it should be something that makes you proud that you are making that decision on your own. Sometimes you may need advice to determine what decision you make and that’s perfectly fine as long as you understand why and how that decision is made then there should be no looking back.

Over the years I’ve spoken to people in support groups the majority of whom wished they could have changed the decisions they once made about their condition. Like me they wanted so desperately for their worries to disintegrate and for them to fade into the background because their concerns brought them down to the point of no return. My heart went out for these very same individuals who wanted to feel normal.

Upon analysing these discussions I remember thinking that although I had my insecurities I couldn’t and wouldn’t get to the stage they once did.

The thought had entered my mind after a cluster of seizures however I understood that by not accepting my condition that I’d do more damage than good therefore made it a priority to change. Rome wasn’t built in a day or so my therapist once said. It can take a year, ten years or in my case twenty years to see where changes could have been made.

It’s so easy to hide behind something.

In my case it was my condition. You may experience something similar and you know what? You won’t be the only one trust me. What I would say (and I did this once myself) is write down what your strengths are and how you help others. You may think ” I don’t help people” but I bet you you do without realising. Offering advice, having a conversation with someone and just listening is helping. You mightn’t think it but you are.

Then on the other side write the aspects of your personality (not your past, medication you’d like to change etc) that you would like to work on to feel happier about yourself. Once you’re done grab a cup of tea/coffee/juice have a break.. and have a kit kat. Nah I’m only joking.

Soak in what you’ve just written and see how hard that actually was. See what you’re capable of and what you’re capable of achieving because I believe in the people I talk to online that they are caring, considerate people who want what’s best for me therefore want what’s right for yourself. If you still can’t see the wood for the trees then speak to your partner, friend, relative and they will give you an honest answer if you ask for it.

As for today’s events. I haven’t been up to much really.

Went for a “browse” with my husband earlier this morning. A browse turned into a new floaty blouse and a sandwich.

So much for me browsing. I purchased a top and a sandwich. I had a birthday voucher to spend from last month so I was quids in! Woo hoo!

The chores are done, the food is prepared for tomorrow and my exercise is complete for today. After trying to put off the exercise all afternoon I stomached it half an hour ago and are rather sore however somewhat pleased with how far I’m prepared to push myself to achieve results.

Food wise again I’ve been rather good. I succumbed to a Millies cookie with my cup of coffee however have remained “junk free”. This evening is all about the mince dinner therefore I intend to devour every bit of my plate and feel full and satisfied later. In doing so this should prevent me from wanting sweet treats! Fingers crossed.

To conclude today’s post. Don’t let your circumstances prevent you from being your own boss. As I’ve said numerous times there’s some things that are out of our control however you are a product of your own decision making process. When you’re younger you’re bound to have the odd flop because you’re growing up. Growing older it’s about putting those experiences you’ve already learnt into practice to move forward.

There’s a saying by Christian D Larson in which he says:

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know there is something inside of you greater than any obstacle”

I cannot top that. Enough said.

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2 thoughts on “Being a product of my own decisions.

  1. This is my first day on WordPress, and after writing my first post, I started looking for others who share my views when I stumbled upon your blog. I too have had Epilepsy since I was 14. I am now 23 and pregnant with my first child which is a dream and a nightmare since the doctors always told me not to become pregnant because of my seizures. However, I am 23 weeks today, and my baby girl is 100% healthy. I too have lost many friends due to this condition back in the day, but accepting that we cannot change what happens to us allows us to have inner peace which is the greatest joy. Your therapist was right. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, same as yourself, but now I look at it as a blessing and not a curse. Having Epilepsy hasn’t stopped me from chasing my dreams of having a family, but it has made me appreciate life so much more. I’m glad there are good people out there like yourself! Keep fighting girl!

    • Hiya Scho,

      First and foremost congratulations my darling at the upcoming arrival and for starting your own blog.

      The whole pregnancy worries come into effect as soon as I contemplate wanting a baby and I’ve been seizure free for 4 and a half years.

      My husband and I are contemplating trying for a baby over the next year or two.

      In my opinion I think it’s wrong for your specialist to tell you that you shouldn’t have children because having a condition shouldn’t prevent you from having a family.

      I have been informed by both my GP and specialist some time ago that I would need to notify my GP approx. 6 months before trying however will research this further nearer the time.

      Having inner peace can take time but you will eventually get there. I thank you for liking the post, following and offering advice yourself.

      Love and best wishes. Saz x

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