Never giving up, anxious moments, drinks and Ipad minis.

Saturday! Thank god you’re here because I thought you were taking forever to get here.

This week I was back to work after a two week relaxing break. Although regenerated come mid week I was hoping this weekend would just hurry up. Why? Because I was getting an Ipad mini that’s why! Oh and how pretty she is white, gleaming and making me smile.

Now for all those who read my posts regularly are now fully aware that I’m no techie expert, in fact my dad said mobile phones were never going to take off, I agreed and look what went and happened. Everywhere I go people’s got their mobile phones (me included) glued to their ears or attached to their hands.

As time never stops still neither does mobile technology. Whoever heard of a landline anymore? They were the in thing in my early life as was a pay phone to call your pals when you’re mother was on the home phone.

Today has been a pleasure and a half. Unfortunately my Saturday cups of tea weren’t to be had today with good old father dearest however I did manage to go out with the other half for a pizza (stone baked) and a mineral water. No chocolate has been consumed however yesterday was a different story altogether.

I have to admit I ate like a horse consuming every morsel in site, combine this with four glasses of pinot gricio and a half of Guinness and I could have been anybody’s if I continued on the vino.

Actually come to think of it because I had eaten so much all day the hangover wasn’t that bad and would urge anyone not to drink too much when you’re on meds as the more alcohol you consume the least effective your medication is.

Last night was a good night because I drank the occasional coke in between. Will have to be good next time and not drink as much wine.

Right enough of my drinking shenanigans let’s kick off Saturday with a quote:

“It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up”- Babe Ruth

You know what? I love this quote. Giving up. What is that exactly?

Well it’s something I’ve done on more than one occasion when the road was rocky and I was oblivious as to what was happening. Being told I had Epilepsy was a reason for me want to give up at times however I decided that in order to survive and as people would say “It is the survival of the fittest” then I would eventually prove condition or not that I was going to survive and getting there I am.

It’s right in what Babe’s saying. Quitters cannot pull down the people who repeatedly try, who refuse to allow their shortfalls to dominate their life and the very people who admit that they do have shortfalls and don’t go through life making people believe that they’re perfect. That’s the thing.

You can strive for perfection however unfortunately this is something that’s physically impossible therefore don’t try and be it just be who you are. The people who like you will gravitate towards you for you and the people who don’t, well please themselves it wasn’t meant to be.

Like many conditions Epilepsy is one that constantly makes you question your ability, makes you question your survival technique and one that although makes you anxious keeps you on your toes and doesn’t allow you to quit.

Frowning at yourself on down days when it gets too much is something that should keep you going instead of making you sit in a corner worrying.

Everyone has those moments and you should never look at yourself as being a fragile person. You’re a person with worries yes however try not to let it dominate you’re life because trust me it isn’t worth it. Look at what you have, the people around you, the love you have for others and the will to progress. This is what’s more important.

I have to admit I have had numerous anxious moments to the point where I couldn’t eat, to the point where all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and be rid of anxiety altogether.

This is the thing with anxiety. People think they understand, others choose to educate themselves to help you however you will always (like many things) get those people who won’t fully understand and think they have a right to voice their opinion. I agree entirely with people having opinions however there comes a point where you have to put up and shut up.

An example was when my husband and I went to Portugal in May last year. The weather was beautiful, the views phenomenal, the hotel clean, the staff friendly and the breakfast was unbelievable. As a person with fair hair, fair skin and lanky flat feet my main aim was to relax, eat to my hearts content and just bask in the sun as we all usually do on our holidays.

As much as my holiday was one to remember sometimes it was for the wrong reasons. Like my Epilepsy I had anxiety triggers. On this holiday it was the food on the first night. After wolfing down a steak dinner (only to be sick five hours later) I couldn’t actually eat any food of an evening till about the fourth night.

For three full nights I sat there eating ice cream and having the occasional bowl of chips whilst my husband is tucking into his evening banquet. Garlic in particular was something that made my stomach turn and I couldn’t sit in a restaurant without getting a dry mouth, hot flushes and nausea.

These symptoms had me on edge making me question whether a shaky bout/seizure was coming that would force me to pay out on my travel insurance. It was like a vicious cycle.

Every night was the same for three nights and I felt like I was throwing my money down the pan and spoiling our holiday.

At first I blamed the sun however I couldn’t blame that because for half of the day I sat in the shade, the majority I had SPF50 and a hat on. I couldn’t believe it. It was only when I phoned my mam I realised that the heat was a contributory factor however I had to an extent got it into my head that the evenings was when the fear would kick in.

After sitting with my husband I decided to change my technique and break free from the routine we got into on holiday of eating, swimming, basking in the sun/shade before getting ready for the night ahead.

Instead I opted for a glass of wine at the bar before having a brisk walk down to the town and having nibbles instead of a large meal. Within ten hours of breaking that cycle I started eating again, the sickness subsided slightly and I felt as proud as punch of myself. My husband would give me positive feedback and treat me to a dress following this mini achievement. It was like I’ve said in previous posts the “taking baby steps” that got me through.

From people I’ve spoken to about anxiety it’s something that in times of worry can make you want to stay indoors and not go out with friends and family out of fear that an episode will occur forcing you to end your night earlier than planned or ruin their night.

Like Epilepsy anxiety can make you question you’re every move and without the support network around you can make you feel rather lonely. Fortunately after years of asking questions and challenging my ability I am starting to enjoy myself that little bit more leaving anxiety where it belongs.. at the back door.

I would recommend in times of anxiousness change the dynamics of your routine. Go out for a walk, start writing, call a friend, make a bite to eat. Do anything to prevent the episode escalating. If it’s already in full swing then just allow it to do what it needs to do and then reflect later on. That’s the best advice I can offer however if you have any ideas you would like to share then I’ll be all ears.

To conclude today’s post. Giving up. We can all fall into this category sometimes. Usually it’s the apprehensiveness that makes us want to throw in the towel at times. The failure creeps in and we are “All to pot” because your plan hasn’t quite gone the way you anticipated it would. Worrying gets us nowhere. As JK Rowling once said:

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance and only with acceptance can there be recovery”.

I think we should all take a leap out of her many books written. Not only does she talk sense but she’s a multi millionaire and we would all like a bit of that. Joking aside you are who you are. Don’t just kill time live your life and enjoy what you have. Remember mini victories. You only live once.


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