Feeling old..

“We turn not older with years but newer every day”- Emily Dickinson

What a beautiful statement something that sounds good on paper however sometimes that can get us thinking about what the future has in store for us. Sometimes the fear of what the future holds can be quite daunting.

I decided to include this quote into today’s post because I woke up this morning not feeling shaky but feeling rather old.

Now I know how you’re all going to immediately react by saying “Well you’re only 28 that’s not old” and I would agree with you entirely however there’s something about the aging process that makes me wonder. I keep guessing that how in the blink of an eye fifteen years have passed and that life’s changed so much in such a short space of time.

When I was younger I would sit in my bedroom and occasionally think to myself “I wonder what I’ll be like when I’m 30” and low and behold here I’m two years off the big 3 0 and realising that my outcome on life has changed however the same vulnerability can on occasion shine through.

With me I’m all about the reminiscing, I have since I was a child and have always wondered what life has in store. There’s been many a time where my family would nudge me daydreaming about what my future would bring and whether I’d be as insecure in my latter years as I was at the time.

What I have come to understand is that you never know what’s round the corner and that the dreams you once dreamt for yourself don’t always go according to plan. This alteration is something that you shouldn’t frown upon, you should look at your life taking a different course and appreciating what you have in front of you at this very second.

The one person I have noticed over the years who has changed drastically is my dad. Once upon a time my father as the man about town dressed up to the nines in his eighties get up of tight white pants, velvet green shirt and bleached blonde hair resembling Lamahl. Then it was all the rage.. now.. well I still think in some parts of the country it’s all the rage.

From what I’ve heard (My parents have painted a rather pretty picture) my dad was a new romantic who was constantly reinventing himself to not only stand out from the crowd but to stop the aging process in it’s tracks.

Come 1985 I came along and my dad still thought he was the bees knees however knew that once I entered into his life that he would have to come to terms with the fact that he was getting older and that unfortunately he couldn’t stop the aging process.

As the years went by I watched my dad’s weight fluctuate, his views on life change considerably and his jokes get worse however the more I look at him the more I accept that we do get older and that new patterns will emerge.

On my journey of recovery the one thing that stands out the most are the views I now have about Epilepsy and anxiety. As a child I was one who needed that reassurance and was on that quest to prove a point and prove to my condition that I couldn’t let it win.

Now I’d like to think I’m a woman who still has her blonde moments however looks at life differently who accepts that you win some and lose some when it comes to all aspects of our lives.

The ambition to be successful still stands however my determination nowadays isn’t necessarily for financial gain or materialistic value it’s the wanting to be happy that appears to have taken centre stage. It’s the belief that irrespective of having a condition the anxiety won’t prevent me from being happy like it once did.

As the quote said earlier it’s about becoming a newer person and developing new skills as you get older. The one piece of advice I’ll offer that has been passed from generations before me is life is about mini victories such as preparing meals for the following day or making decisions that you know will help others. Life shouldn’t be about being afraid of what age has to bring but the new chapters of your book you’ll be writing as you’re getting older.

In relation to today’s events well it’s been an eventful one (pardon the pun it was rather poor).

My husband and I went for a jaunt to the local shopping centre for a mooch about. Mooching lasted for about two and a half hours.

The intention was to “look round” unfortunately that phrase isn’t in my vocabulary therefore I purchased another instalment of the Jillian Michaels series that being ” Buns and thigh workout”. As recommended by a couple of twitter pals I thought I’ll give it a whirl and complain later.

Before I go into the shopping items one must purchase on a shopping trip I have to have a mini power rant. What is it with people please? Now smoking’s been abolished in public areas the smells coming from people are rather whiffy.

I understand there are people out there with medical issues and I totally sympathise with those however farting though? Everywhere I went all I could smell was a waft of either rotten egg or digested McDonalds. Now ha’way is this really necessary? Go for a dump.

I was trying to find the perpetrators however they were nowhere to be seen. Don’t people realise that although this can at times be comical that it fucking stinks? If you need the loo then please go don’t keep walking around infusing the air with this smelly mist!

Anyhow.. enough said on that.

I also decided that if I was going to exercise properly I’ll have to look half decent bouncing about in my living room therefore bought a new Nails inc magnetic colour by the name of Kensington Palace. Very nice and rather striking.

Food wise I have been rather good if I do say so myself. No chocolate for the Saz today. My food log is:

Breakfast- Weetabix (no sugar), fresh orange and a large mug of coffee
Snack: Banana
Lunch: Chicken Ramen (courtesy of Wagamama’s, no egg noodles all rice) and a mineral water
Sofa stop: Another coffee and a cup of tea (It was a large sofa stop)
Evening meal: Salmon with potatoes and broccoli. No Pepsi or weekly galaxy from the gran.

Overall a great success and a no chocolate day. All in the name of healthy eating.

As for the tan. Well.. I’m like a snake shedding it’s skin. I look scaly and are making everyone laugh when I bare my legs therefore don’t intend to be scaring anyone else in the near future until the tan has officially gone. All I can say is thank god for jeans.

To conclude today’s post. Feeling old. Well we all feel old from time to time don’t we? You cannot change the inevitable therefore make new memories and embrace what the future has to hold.

You’re only here for a short time therefore make it a good time and make each moment count. Try to be happy with what you have and what you stand for. That too counts for something.


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