“Time is the coin of life. You spend it. Do not allow others to spend it for you”- Carl Sandburg.
Many may ask why I have used this quote today however I do this for two reasons.
I think this quote is quite ironic because I’ve spent a vast amount of money over the past three days all of which have been other people’s because it’s my birthday on Wednesday. I think my mother nearly passed out when I told her that the lip-gloss I’d seen was £14.50 and it was clear! I only got paid last Friday and it’s nearly gone already!
I’ve ran around various shops and online sites to grab the odd bargain or two to take on my mini holiday breaks over the course of the next two weeks. I cannot wait for that relaxation time so I can forget everything and have that bit me time.
On a more serious note this quote above is something that I have for many years allowed to take over my thought pattern, that being that I have always put other people’s opinions before my own. Whilst agreeing with people’s opinions I have returned home only to find that I didn’t know why I was agreeing with them.
I have in the past had a tendency to over analyse people’s responses and have somehow managed to turn those responses in on myself to the point where I thought that I had offended them.
Like a child at school I would question people’s friendship and would usually do things just to remain in the in crowd such as sometimes drinking more than usual, staying out later than I actually wanted to and would sacrifice my own money that I would have preferred to have spent on myself to go abroad to a destination that I didn’t even like. All in the name of making friends.
It’s safe to say that I allowed others to spend my coin of life, because I felt inadequate therefore I would allow others to take over. It’s not big and it isn’t clever allowing people to do this. By allowing a bully to bring you down should be perceived as a weakness from both parts. You are so much stronger than you can ever imagine so never ever tolerate this.
If you’re at school find a teacher to assist you or speak with a relative who understands you. If all else fails then speak to your nearest support group who will advise you.
I don’t tolerate bullies. Been there, done that and worn the T Shirt. As far as I’m concerned bullies are all a bunch of tossers.
Looking back bullies are the ones that are the insecure however they bluff their way through life to belittle others. Why do they do this? To make others feel like shit so they can be brought down to their level? They do this for whatever reason to prove a point and to portray themselves as being top dog. Deep down bullies will never be top dog because they are popular for all the wrong reasons.
I have been in the pathway of bullies as a child and as an adult. For those who read my power rant mid way through February will understand that bullies who slag off people with a medical condition are the lowest of the low in my eyes. To be called a spastic is something that not only insults the little intelligence I have but makes a mockery of the people not only suffering from the condition but the people who have adjusted their lives to help the person in need.
As the years have progressed I can now see things a lot clearer than I once did. A percentage of my mind was bogged down with having Epilepsy and the remainder was how I was going to try and keep above water. What I’m trying to emphasise here is that I made it a priority to push everything to one side for the sake of being popular. What I should have done is do what I wanted and to not be like a sheep following a track I believed was wrong and behave the way my supposed friends did.
What I say next applies to both children and adults.
This is the thing about being in the “In crowd” unless you have best friends who would go out on a limb for you I bet you any money in the world the remainder couldn’t actually give a shit, in fact people can be selfish. You’re prepared to sacrifice yourself to help others however as harsh as this sounds in the grand scheme of things if they had to make a choice by either helping themselves or helping you I would bet your bottom dollar that they’d choose themselves therefore if I had to make the same choices again my answers would be different.
Growing up with Epilepsy was something I found to be extremely tedious and something that I couldn’t remove from my mind. Waking up to taking medication daily and trying to remain positive was something that took time, it would drain me. Even now I look back and think I should have just gone with the flow. Putting too much strain to be something I wasn’t, wasn’t exactly the best move from my part however I put this down to changing and learning what life was all about.
Time is of the essence and questioning yourself repeatedly can only bring you down and make you feel worthless. I have been in that situation many a time believing that my best was never good enough and always striving for more. What I should have asked myself is what for? Can’t I be satisfied with my lot? Do any of you feel the same?
I believe that progression is required to see what your capabilities are however everything within reason. When I say this I mean potentially going for promotion, learning a new recipe, learning (in my case) to paint without dripping everywhere or just taking up a new outdoor hobby is something that can make you feel good. See what your capabilities are however realise that your health mustn’t come second to progression. There’s a fine line between moving forward and jeopardising your condition.
What I’ve written above is a decision that I’m in the process of making. For a significant amount of time I have always pushed myself to the point where I would exhaust myself. I was in denial and refused to acknowledge that this constant stress was having an adverse effect on my health. With me I had a plan. That plan was to be promoted before the age of 30 so I could then reduce my hours without suffering financial hardship and be the mother I always wanted to be.
This is the thing with me. It’s either the be all and the end all or to kick myself in the arse for not reaching that goal when planned. After frequent discussions with my closest friends and family I have come to realise that plans do alter. You can have your cake and try and eat it however at what cost?
In my case I understand that the main cost could be my health and for the sake of earning a couple of extra hundred pounds per month is it really worth it? Could I focus on being the mother I always wanted to be and then look at promotion when I’m a little older? The possibilities are endless. I am extremely fortunate in this economic climate to have a job, a home that I can afford and the support around me from my nearest and dearest when I need that reassurance and assistance.
Instead of drawing a conclusion on the negatives, look at the positives you’re offering to your life that being the get up and go everyday, the push to leave the house and the not allowing the anxiety to effect you. To understand that life is about ups and downs and that some days are harder than others however we all get by the best way we can, condition or not. This should be something you should be proud of.
On the topic of being proud today is my second wedding anniversary. Today was the day where I married the love of my life and officially became an adult.. well sort of I still have my childish moments. I remember it like it was yesterday. The weather was so sunny and hot that I couldn’t breathe but it was phenomenal.
For those who have seen the pictures on both Facebook or twitter will see that my fear on that day was having an episode. How wrong was I? I thought the stresses would have overwhelmed me however I was wrong. This is the thing with life you have to grab what you can with both hands and never let it go.
The exercise is going well, my legs are sore. The chocolate hasn’t been eaten as much however I’m getting there. Slowly but surely.
To conclude today’s post. Time is of the essence. We only get one life therefore live life, love life and do the best with what you’ve got. That is all I have to say.