Taking a back seat… that and the miserable locksmith.

A late post tonight everyone.

The past 24 hours have consisted of going to my grandmothers for our weekly chats about the economic climate and her getting herself irate at the idea that she “Likes watching the news however is incensed by the way the country’s run” and me sitting there joining in when I get the chance. This makes a change because the remainder of my day it’s usually me who’s talking about a load of old bollocks.

I poke fun at my gran for being old school however deep down thoroughly enjoy her company. She is the last remaining grandparent of mine and one who has been there, done it and worn the T Shirt god knows how many times. I love her and she makes me smile.

Yesterday was also a day where the lock in my back door needed altering because the sodding thing was jammed. Another £107 down the drain. If you add this to the cat shenanigans on Tuesday this would mean that come last night I had spent £156 in 24 hours pretty good eh? Not really. My bank balance was shouting at me to stop spending and I could hardly tell it that I wasn’t spending it on clothes. Roll on payday tomorrow I literally cannot wait.

That locksmith had no banter and trying to establish what the problem was was like pulling teeth. This fella was just plain miserable.

This evening when I returned home I was told by my husband that he’d noticed a chunk taken out of our back door where the bugger dropped his crowbar to get the thing opened.

If I knew then what I know now I would have thrown my shoe at him.

How dare he? You’ve charged me bloody £107, taken a mechanism out of the door and to top it all off you’ve taken a chunk out of my door? My husband complained before I returned home to be told that our complaint will be “Escalated” which means that it’ll either get thrown in the bin or on the other hand the fella will say that the hole was already there and that’ll mean it’s our word against his. Typical. Never mind will keep you updated on that one.

Right enough of me whinging let’s crack on with tonight’s post and a quote for that matter.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts”- Winston Churchill

I have to admit I like Winston Churchill’s quotes. He just says it as it is. Sometimes wanting too much success can get in your way and cloud your judgement. Sometimes being successful counteracts the more important things in life such as health and happiness. Feeling like a failure is something you shouldn’t punish yourself for.

Look at yourself as making a mistake, noticing where you went wrong and moving on from it. In the grand scheme of things what else can you do? You cannot turn back the clock therefore accept a mistake has been made and move on, never sweep it under the carpet because the dust reappears when you least expect it. The same rules applied with me and the Epilepsy.

Taking medication for me initially was something I found rather difficult, pardon the pun but it was quite a bitter pill to swallow and one that I couldn’t appreciate was helping my condition not just being a nuisance. Today taking medication is like putting on my clothes for work or making my usual morning cuppa.

Medication is like routine and one that has become a way of life. I appreciate like all of you medication can make you question why all this is necessary particularly when you’re still having episodes. The way I see it is that it’s all trial and error. Some have been on various medications. If you’re like me I’ve only been on three Epilim (when I was younger), Lamotrogine and Keppra.

This evening I received a tweet from a friend of mine who published a post about her journey with Keppra. Not only did I find the post extremely interesting but useful also. Keppra has been a drug I’ve taken now for nearly ten years. My dosage increased to nearly 3000mg at one stage when the seizures returned in my late teens. Now I’m on a reduced amount of 1250mg. The lamotrogine has been stopped and the Keppra is the only tablets I now take.

In me the side effects with Keppra usually consist of my shakes, tiredness, worry, lack of motivation, anger, paranoia, irritability etc.

I couldn’t believe that yet another person was experiencing similar side effects and like me is trying her utmost to cope with these effects because she is aware that the medication is keeping her condition relatively stable. Unfortunately Keppra isn’t everyone’s cup of tea with them being removed from it after a matter of weeks. Unfortunately everyone’s body’s are different.

This is the thing with Epilepsy. I’ve said it numerous times that it’s not just about the seizures or the medication it’s the side effects, the worries and the fear of the unknown. It’s the moment when you feel a little iffy and pray that something isn’t going to happen. It’s the getting back on the horse that’s most important.

It’s the trying to keep the apprehension to the bare minimum and knowing that by not looking after yourself can jeopardise the effectiveness of the medication.

I was relieved to have come onto twitter and have identified others who are experiencing the same effects and still coping. Not in her exact words but my pal explained that being optimistic about your medication could well be the coping mechanism to enable you to accept the drug you’re on.

I now know that if Keppra and I are going to be in each others lives then we must try to get on, for my sake at least.

Since Tuesday evening (I know it’s only Thursday) I made it a priority to stick to small achievable goals to alleviate any potential stress and to aid my condition. So far I haven’t done that bad with my partner noticing a slight difference.

After being told that the locksmith had put a hole through my door I remained relatively calm however was far from happy at the incident.

Part of my plan is that I intend to write my blog only four times a week now (apologies folks) instead of committing every single night and utilising that free time with exercise and relaxation. So far it’s going good. By taking that back seat will ensure that I’m feeling relaxed and hoping that this will translate into a more carefree life. Will this carefreeness (if that’s even a word) help reduce my shakes? I truly hope so.

With regards to the healthy eating that’s going ok however the chocolate is still an issue. I’m not eating a vast amount however eating two alpen bars is canny however doesn’t give you the satisfaction a galaxy can. I’ve put a post it note on the fridge to help me with this quest of beating the sweet tooth and feeling great. So far the post it note is doing jack shit however I intend to use this method later on.

As for the exercise no Kill Jill this evening. I completed level three of her 30 day shred last night. I jumped in full steam ahead, completed it but knew she meant business when she said “Once you’ve done this you’ll feel like you’re going to die”… and rightly so. I was panting like a dog lying in the sunshine.

The workout was hard and thank god the blinds were drawn. My legs were aching, my bum was pulsating because of the squat jumps and it was safe to say that my body wanted me back down to level two.

I felt exhilarated a couple of hours later after achieving this monstrous task however knew that in order to feel better in my straight jeans I must exercise like never before and that I’ll continue to do… Next workout… Saturday night after I’ve completed my fashion show on Saturday afternoon. Oh did I forget to mention that? I’ll write about that on Saturday!! Fingers crossed.

To conclude today’s post. Take each day as it comes. It’s great to be driven however sometimes you need to take a back seat to maintain that focus, to see what’s most important in your life and to see what’ll stand the test of time. Keep going because if you’re happy with yourself then the rest should hopefully follow.


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