Cough cough cough. I wish it would just go and take a long jump off a short precipice. The anti biotics are slowly kicking in however today’s coughing bout this lunchtime made me see that this cough and I are going to be fighting one another for some time yet.
Apart from my cough my spirits are high, work is over for the day and I’m quietly relaxing blogging away to you lovely lot with a cup of tea. No cake is being consumed however I must confess I have eaten a slither of swiss roll and four quality street sweets that my colleagues have kindly informed me are the equivalent of 150 calories for four. The swiss roll however was 185. Boo hiss.
Enough said about the eating regime let’s talk about the one thing that although I long to have sometimes doesn’t quite register. Sometimes it seems like it’s taken out of my grasp and I have no control over it.
“Simplicity is not a simple thing”- Charlie Chaplin
I would like to say that I enjoy nothing more than the simple life. The day where I return from work to my cat Benny, sitting on the sofa eating my evening meal with my husband before blogging or even catching the odd TV programme (or two) that I’ve taped the weekend.
That’s the life for me.
People may question why I analyse this typical scenario and ask what I’m making a mountain out of a molehill of. Well let’s just say it wasn’t always that easy, in fact it’s safe to say that opposites attract particularly when a relationship is involved. People put so much emphasis on what they want out of a person. Are they the perfect soul mate? Will they make me laugh? Are they attractive enough? Are they comfortable enough to support me and can they actually hold their own?
When the topic of opposites are mentioned then the list is endless. With me all I’ve ever wanted is someone who could make me laugh. Someone who like me has a relatively good idea what they want out of life and someone who when the going gets tough can support you regardless. It’s safe to say I have that relationship with my husband. He doesn’t just cope with my condition but supports me throughout and understands that Epilepsy isn’t something to cope with alone, we cope with it together.
Like polar opposites I’m chalk, he’s cheese. I say black he says white. To me being too similar to someone can on occasion cause problems because you are in constant competition with one another.
If you’re both vibrant characters then you know the heads are gonna clash however on the opposite side of the spectrum if you’re extremely introverted then there’s no one in the relationship to kickstart the decision making it’s all about the “I’ll do what you want to do” scenario, something I cannot stand and something in the past I’ve fallen into to keep people happy.
The topic tonight is simplicity. Take the adult dilemmas out of the equation such as owning your own home, being in a long term relationship, marriage or having children and what do you have?
Let’s look at you and how simple you’re life is compared to the simple you want your life to be. With me I’d say that I allow the word simple to come into my life about 50% of the time.
The remaining 50% is trying to throw my eggs into one basket and dropping the majority of them whilst doing so. Instead of mosying along without a care in the world that 50% is pre-empting what’s going to happen next. A bit like a thunderstorm, you can see one coming however you’re uncertain whether it is in fact gonna hit. What I should be saying is if shit happens it happens what can I do about it?
Maybe I feel this way because I’ve pre-empted my seizures for so long that I became part of that thunderstorm. In my late teens I had a seizure in the middle of a busy main road. All I remember was walking off the bus shopping bags in hand, crossing the road before then waking up in hospital.
Fortunately my friend was available to save my life and prevent me from getting knocked over by the vehicles approaching me. When I woke in hospital with the people I loved beside me I realised what had just happened.
My medication at the time like everything else was letting me down. My new top was ruined off the gravel from the road and I felt like there was no way up. I had been to so many GP’s appointments that I’d lost track and the waves of worry kept creeping into my mind at every available opportunity. It was safe to say that I didn’t think I could hold down my job and have that simple life everyone in my circle gave the impression they were having.
After that seizure I made a promise to myself that four years later I would actually put into practice. I wanted to help myself because as cliché as they may sound after that seizure I was lucky to be alive therefore the seizure diary was created in which I’d log my seizures, shakes and medication control. Maybe this frightener would not only put the shits up me but would stress the importance of seeking advice.
Throughout this blog I know that I have repeated myself on more than one occasion however believe that it’s best to reiterate what has been written to raise that awareness and to make you all see that having Epilepsy isn’t just about seizures and medical jargon. If you’re anything like me it takes me about 100 attempts to get something right.
My concentration has never been my strongest point however my philosophy now is nobody cares if you’re miserable therefore you might as well be happy because that’s the way to go.
Yesterday evening it dawned on me that for over 18 years of the 20 I’ve had Epilepsy I have wasted part of my thought process on waiting for something to happen that may never happen. For my followers who have aura’s/warning signs then my apologies however what is the point in waiting for something miserable to beckon? Surely we can enjoy ourselves and if the worst happens we have a moan before accepting it then moving on. I wish I listened to my parents saying those words growing up.
Perseverance is key along with patience. At present I keep on educating myself with how seizures are formed, the stages of a seizure and what category I come under. I would recommend that if you are interested in either raising awareness or learning more about your condition then go to your local support group or even going onto Epilepsy support groups online.
Never self diagnose (attempted that in the past) and always go down the appropriate channels to gain the understanding you need to come to terms with your condition because you have to live with it. I have faith in you all, it may take time however I am certain with positivity and support you will eventually get there even though it may seem like a million miles away.
Righty ho… About the remainder of my day. Well nothing much really.
I tripped up the stairs then got half way up and tripped over my gangly feet again. No one was in the way I was just acting like a loon. A few of my friends pass jokes saying that I should be an excellent swimmer because of my feet. I think I’d have to agree I’m a marvellous swimmer and swim with dolphins in my spare time… Oh how I love to joke on.
The cough was incessant, my day dragged and I was overjoyed to have beans on toast for my tea.. Not.
My husband had cheesy beans whilst I had normal beans. The diet hasn’t gone well at all today. I’ve picked like you wouldn’t believe and it’s no excuse. After reading my followers weight loss blogs I’m inspired and need a hoof up the arse to get me going. I intend this evening on having a long soak, listening to my slim pod before watching a new drama on ITV at 9pm.
The promise has remained on not exercising till at least the weekend and overall apart from the nit picking I’m feeling rather chipper actually. Some of the feedback I’ve been receiving since January from you all about my blog has been overwhelming and has given me that boost to continue. Thank you all for your continued support because without you I wouldn’t be able to express my feelings in such a way.
To conclude today’s post. Simplicity. One small word that we all long to have.
If you take a step back and look around you we all that element of simplicity in our lives it just depends on whether you allow yourself to have it. Sometimes situations arise that we cannot prevent however we must take control of our own happiness and learn to love what we have.
If we can’t accept ourselves then how can we be in a position to want others to accept themselves. Learn from your mistakes, resolve any issues you have and allow yourself to move on because no one likes being stuck in one place for too long.