Living in my own little world is fine by me.

Before I kick off this evening’s post I intend to bellow at the top of my lungs “Woo hoo!” because the sun is out in full force and makes a change from the usual drab miserable British weather we must all contend with on a bank holiday weekend.

I can start wearing my £4 bright blue pants and flash my flat feet for all to see. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a nightmare.

As you are probably all aware my twitter timeline is me whinging about having a wheezy chest. Although the seasons are changing they don’t half cause havoc on your chest and can leave you feeling blue.

The wheeze is officially lingering, my chest is rattling and the small layer of skin on top of my chest is so sensitive that it’s quite sore to the touch. The pharmacists (I appreciate they’re only doing their job) are reluctant to provide me with an over the counter remedy for chesty coughs because of my asthma and have recommended a honey and lemon glycerine to soothe sore throats and coughs. It’s the mankiest tasting syrup I’ve taken outside of penicillin and is definitely not worth £3.49!

A question for any of you asthmatics out there.

Courtesy of Asthma UK (an excellent source of information) One in every five British households have asthma or are diagnosed with Asthma in their lifetime. What I’ve personally noticed is that the medical profession are very quick to advise you the consumer to spend your hard earned cash on products such as Lemsips, medicines for coughs and colds among many others on the market when you’re feeling run down.

Apart from Vicks vapour rub to help relieve congestion when you sleep there’s absolutely nothing out there nowadays that you can take when you’re asthmatic and as soon as you use the word “Epileptic” then you get sweet F A. There’s been many a time where I’ve gone against the grain and taken a lemsip regardless however now I’m a lot more aware of what I should be taking.

A cold can hit the healthiest person however when you have asthma the cold aims straight for your chest and stays there for about a month tops unless you have a nebuliser, are given oral steroids or an additional steroid inhaler to help tightness. Surely some clever high paid business man can create an over the counter remedy for us Asthmatics without having to quadruple our inhaler dosage and having to wait a decade for a doctors appointment for oral steroids.

As recommended by the pharmacist I intend to take my lemon bottle of bumph in conjunction with paracetemol every four hours in between to prevent aches and pains. The doctor’s are a pain in the arse with me not being able to get an appointment for love nor money and the walk in giving me the impression that there’s nothing the matter with me. The words to best describe this scenario. A waste of time.

Anyhow before the power rant goes into another category altogether I best start off this evening’s post properly with a quote:

“I live in my own little world, but it’s ok they know me here”- Lauren Myracle

And I do live in my own little world mind.

As I’m getting older my blonde moments are getting more frequent. Although I was born blonde at birth and visit the hairdressers for blonde highlights every quarter there’s a new shade of silly blonde shining through.

I read this quote earlier this evening before leaving the house en route to my in laws for our three course feast and it touched me because there are people in this world that think that by living in your own little world is strange and that you’re secluding others from entering it.

To a degree that’s true however there’s nothing the matter with socialising with others then returning home to your comfort zone and entering a place where you’re detached from the problematic society we live in, take a deep breath and relax with the people you love.

When I was younger I had a tendency of divulging too much of my life to others and by extension worrying at the thought that people either couldn’t understand me or thought I was stupid. What I should have said is bollocks I don’t care what you think however when you’re younger you don’t think like that. When it came to my condition however there was this part of me that couldn’t explain what I was feeling and how Epilepsy had engulfed my life. It was like the words were jumbled and came out incorrectly.

I couldn’t eradicate the problem of feeling alone and entering a world of medication, seizures and fear. I was eight years old and didn’t want the hassle of having something that felt like an adult situation on my shoulders. I didn’t want to be the cause of my parent’s worry and I just wanted to live a normal life like any other eight year old. I didn’t want to have to second guess my life because the stress of having a seizure was on my mind 24-7.

Nowadays I do live in my own little world and to me it’s normal.

When I entered therapy for a second time Bob gave me an insight into his analysis of me advising me that I’d hidden behind my condition for far too long and had lost my own identity in the process. This was all because I was so scared that my condition would get the better of me and force me to drive everyone away because of my insecurity with my condition.

In his eyes I was a healthy young woman with the determination to get by. He could see I wanted that inner peace with myself and gave me the tools to do the job, I just had to face up to it and that was the hardest thing. When you’re stuck in a rut for so long it’s hard to get out of it isn’t it? And I was no different.

I’ve established that when you’re younger all you want to do is fit in, growing up is about identifying who you are and where you stand in the world. You use your relatives to guide you in the right direction and to alleviate any stress you may have and do what you can to get by. As an adult your priorities change.

You’re focus isn’t about fitting in it’s about supporting yourself and your family. It’s about keeping a roof over their head and ensuring that should the worst happen that they will be cared for.

So what I live in a little world. I may not have all the friends in the world however I have my little life of stability and happiness. Is having everything in the world make you any more popular? By having everything does it make you are a better person? I’ll leave you to answer those questions.

There’s nothing really to report on the healthy eating challenge in fact the healthy eating has gone out the window for today. I blame the minor sore throat and dodgy chest however I promise there will be no more blame mongering in the future. I am responsible for my own actions.

Today’s food diary has consisted of a bowl of shreddies with a cup of coffee and fresh orange juice (canny healthy), however it all fell at the waist side when I was drawn into Dickens for a large saveloy sandwich. An ice cream was devoured and washed down with a flavoured water. My mother in law made a chicken dinner (again not bad) however as soon as the shortbread biscuits came out I had to have the one.

I promise tomorrow I’ll be eating healthier as the food’s prepared for tomorrow’s return to work. No chocolate is included and I only have a muller rice as my sweet snack. The squat challenge has remained on the back burner until the chest heals and I can exercise fully again once the tightness has subsided. As for the slim pod I’ve listened to that only the once and intend on listening to that again as soon as I’m feeling better- Seemingly the results are fabulous.

To conclude today’s post. Be who you want to be. Live your life the way you want to live it and if people don’t like it then tough. Be sensible however choose what makes you happy and if you fancy write about it so you can relive your happiness everytime you’re feeling down. Patience is a virtue and when you have a condition you need to have all the patience in the world. Life is about making plans and trying to be at peace with yourself.

We all have moments of weakness to which some don’t understand however the day we address that weakness is the day where our problems are halved and we are on the small road to recovery. As the sun has officially come out it’s about time we stopped moping about got our summer gere on and had a good time because that’s what life’s all about.

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2 thoughts on “Living in my own little world is fine by me.

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