Confidence, preperation.. whatever. The routine’s back.

No more incubation period. I can officially leave the house without worrying about contaminating somebody.

I’m overjoyed to say no more Jezza Kyle, I’ll love watching you again one day however today won’t be that day. I am however missing my mid afternoon snooze. I was actually getting quite fond of it. Never mind.

I never thought in a million years that I’d say this but since returning to work on Wednesday I’ve actually liked being at work, the days have flown by and the idea of not being cooped up is bliss. In fact my spirits are well and truly on the increase. Ask me tomorrow when the majority of the world actually say “Thank god it’s Friday” and the weekend kicks in.

Without further a do let’s start this evening’s post with a quote:

“One important key to success is self confidence. An important key to self confidence is preparation”- Arthur Ashe

Preparation like anything is usually required in order to succeed. Whether you be writing a diary seizure one or not, preparing a meal, preparing a new diet plan, slotting in exercise, decorating or just choosing an outfit to start the day it all needs a certain level of preparation.

There has been many a time where I’ve misinterpreted preparation for something else, heaven knows at the time what it actually was. I’ve been the sort of person who wanted everything done yesterday. When I see something the impulse kicks in.

To my family I always say the saying “I’ve never been one to do a half arsed job” meaning that I try and give my all in whatever I actually set my mind on. If I fail then I’ve given it a go, if I succeed then good job. There have been moments where I have failed and kicked myself something rotten for it. Looking back why did I do that?

The majority of preparation is in the mind. What do you actually want? How are you going to reach that goal and better still do you want to be confident whilst trying to achieve that goal?

When using these questions to analyse my Epilepsy then I’d say that I’ve always wanted to be seizure free however knew that unfortunately I cannot make that decision to remove Epilepsy from my life. No I don’t control my brain activity however take my medication regularly, try to remain stress free along with trying to keep fit, eat healthy (ish) and not lose focus as to what life’s really all about.

On the topic of self confidence what does that actually mean exactly?

To ooze self confidence does that mean that you are in fact extremely confident or is it all about putting on a show? Are you the sort of person who wants to be self confident or are you a person that thinks to hell with it I’m gonna have a good time and I’m not bothered about what people think or are you one of those people in between?

I’ve drawn the conclusion that maybe I’m one of those women who fall in the “in between” category who wants to live life to the full without any hesitation however has the occasional moment where she feels that by expressing that new opinion that she will lose that personality that people know.

Self esteem is another thing that I’ve felt that I’ve lacked on occasion. The idea where I’ve thought others are better than me whether that be smarter, prettier, funnier the list can be endless. Self esteem in my eyes isn’t just about being perfect or something of materialistic value.

Other issues include the not wanting to leave the house out of the fear of being unwell or the concerns that you don’t have sufficient medication is something that has in the past dominated my thought process.

As I’m getting older the concept of not bothering is entering my head more and the idea of worrying to the far ends of a fart over absolutely nothing is starting to become a distant memory. I fail to say that there are moments of lapse however I know along with everyone else that unfortunately time doesn’t stand still, challenges are faced and you move on.

The worry of my seizures always took pride of place in my life. The idea of taking on a new role or an examination put the shits up me to the detriment of my own wellbeing. The idea of allowing my personality to shine through a condition wasn’t something that even entered my head because as far as I was concerned nothing could supersede my condition. There was this sense of monotony; day in day out feeling the same way.

Putting on a brave face is extremely hard to do when you have a condition such as Epilepsy. It’s hard when you’re hurting inside however there comes a stage where enough’s enough. With me I chose to make that stand, seek advice and learn from it and would recommend for anyone in that worried state to run through your options, seek that second opinion and see what’ll benefit you.

During my late teens I couldn’t tell the difference between the expected and the unexpected. I felt afraid. It was only when therapy entered my life that it got much easier. Like a lighthouse there was this glimmer of light reflecting onto the sea before bouncing up at me. That light was something that made me see that life was hard however could be manageable if I let it.

Age can also benefit you when you’ve had a condition three quarters of your lifetime. The ability to accept what you have irrespective of you disliking it and the ability to try your utmost to laugh in the face of danger is another cross to your bow.

Lately I have been allowing myself to read more into my condition and look into the other seizure types out there. In my case it’s all about the grande mal seizures. When you have a specific seizure type you focus on that type and very rarely drift into another field of Epilepsy. By understanding my condition I can then see the struggles others have to face, what services are available to them and how they get on with life the only way they know how.

The support groups particularly in the UK have given the opportunity for people of all ages, race and disabilities the tools for us to go out there and help others, to want to be a part of a charity and to give us that broader understanding that we all need in order to help the people we love. To me that’s priceless and without charity/support workers well.. Let’s just say the world wouldn’t be quite the same without them.

At present I’m following a variety of organisations that I would highly recommend you follow should you wish to raise Epilepsy awareness or require any information about Epilepsy as a whole. For any advice please free to go onto my twitter page and should you wish follow the organisations out there promoting awareness like only they know how. It would be much appreciated.

Anyhow the past 48 hours have consisted of work, eating, checking on my mother who has been unwell (with an extremely bad chest infection amongst other symptoms) and getting my exercise in.

Saz and the Squat challenge are back. Doing 130 squats today killed me however I persevered and kept on saying a little verse to myself “You will have that shapely bot, so you better squat with all you’ve got” and it got me through.. only just.

My Davina DVD is out and I’ve been doing squat jumps, sit ups, leg raises, fast jogging the works. Doing intense training is difficult however thanks to my trusty blue inhaler I’m getting through each day at a time. To me exercise initially leaves that sense of dread however once you’re done the adrenaline’s pumping, you’re shattered however know you’ve accomplished your goal for the day.

I have to admit I had a chocolate twirl today however remained healthy for the remainder of the day. I’ve gobbled a tuna pasta, a sandwich, a bowl of shreddies, a couple of coffees and a good few glasses of water. All in all I’m getting there.

To conclude today’s post. Preparation is required to achieve what we want, having confidence enables us to excel and everything in between is just everything in between. I’m a great lover of wanting what’s best for you. Unfortunately there are on occasions going to be that restriction. Looking back we have all probably made mistakes in our lives however as long as you learn something from that mistake then leave it well alone.

Routine is something we seek comfort in. Having a routine keeps some of us sane however never rule out spontaneity because that too can keep you second guessing and bring vibrancy back when you least expect it. Never be too hard on yourself. It’s only in times of change that we realise that we should embrace what we have and move onwards and upwards.


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