Back to normal. Well for the time being anyway.

Wey hey! As you can tell I’m feeling a lot happier than I was on Monday. I’m getting there and I’m getting back to normal.

The smiles are officially out for all to see and I’m feeling good. I had a rather eventful day cracking on with my work before coming home to my husband’s delightful dish of chicken with vegetables. Overall it’s going rather well.

To start off the day a motivational quote is needed:

“They always say time changes things; but you have to actually change from yourself”- Andy Warhol

I idolised Andy Warhol’s paintings as a child. When I was younger I remember standing in the corner of Waterstones at the art category. There I stood looking at a book about his paintings and thinking to myself that one day I would have one of those in my bedroom. The first image that comes into my mind and has to be the most popular of all are the colourful images of Marilyn Monroe.

I adored Warhol’s work and thought it was magnificent how someone could create a work of art such as that piece. I was never one who was artistic however loved retro and vintage trends. For crying our loud my condition brought more problems than enough with me painting outside the lines instead of in them. I was like Wobbling Minnie wobbling all over the place. There was no artistic flare there. I was a girl who preferred writing stories not drawing the pictures.

This is how much the flare wasn’t there..

Let’s rewind about 18 years.

One day at Primary school I tried to create a Viking boat, oars and all. I cannot quite recall what the boat was made out of however the oars were lollypop sticks halved and pointed. The oars were supposed to all be facing the same way. Unfortunately this didn’t happen in my case with my oars all pointing in the opposite direction. Some of the “lollypop oars” were actually facing one another. The boat was supposed to be placed in a sink and float. Unfortunately it went like the titanic nose first. It was shit.

I was extremely proud of myself for “giving it a go” however my reaction from my parents were one of laughter, cuddles and “there’s always next times”. Aw bless them. I tried my best at the time.

Looking back at my childhood years was a bag of mixed emotions. I felt like I was running full speed ahead growing up and facing new challenges. The main challenge however was the feeling of being normal. Epilepsy to me when growing up was like a thorn in my side with no recollection as to how it got there in the first place.

There’s always been this part of me that’s never felt normal, there’s always this part of me that feels different and wants more. When I say more I mean knowing that my day has been fulfilled and that any day has not been wasted. Maybe that’s the reasoning behind me disliking my condition for as long as I did. The worry of being restrained over something you cannot control is not only frustrating but upsetting also.

Today I was given a massive compliment that being that irrespective of me having these shaky bouts I still manage to remain positive. It was so refreshing to see that the message I try to adhere to is being noticed. Personally speaking you have to have that frame of mind and you must in any circumstance try your best to keep calm and carry on because you never know what’s round the corner. If on Monday I chose to break down repeatedly until it was over then I wouldn’t have got through it the way I did.

When I was younger I was completely oblivious as to what the shakes were. They were alien to me, all I knew were headaches, anxiety and seizures. This was a brand new ball game that I was in the centre of.

Words can’t describe the first shake. I felt helpless and turned into a shadow of myself. The larger shakes were so bad that I thought something was taking over my body. I couldn’t stop it; it was just there.

At one stage I thought I was actually having a seizure awake. As time’s continued it’s got easier. The shake still gets to you however you know that they will go in due course. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to say to you all one day that I’ve grown out of them. In the meantime however my shakes are here to stay therefore we must try our utmost to get on.

There was something I read this evening while my other half was making dinner. That was:

“When you have cancer people embrace you, when you have Epilepsy people run away from you”

What does that say about some people? Cancer is the most horrific disease known to man in my eyes. Some cancers are curable others aren’t. Like Epilepsy it’s a condition I hold close to my heart. Everyone in their lifetime (myself included) knows of someone or is close to someone who has either died of cancer, is battling cancer or is in remission. Just under a quarter of my family have battled the disease.

Unfortunately my granddad was the one to suffer first to which I mourned his death for a very long time. To this day he is my rock and I was his. He made me see that being sensible isn’t a bad thing and that personality can shine through. My granddad taught me self defence when I was bullied at school and taught me morals. His passing upset me immensely however made me see that if he could battle cancer then I could battle through my Epilepsy. Him and I needed to show them that we weren’t going to be defeated. All the battling in the world couldn’t help my granddad however I was so proud of him for doing what he could to help himself. If anything it spurred me on.

Although many we know have had this horrific disease we must understand that people also live with Epilepsy every day. There are a significant amount of people who manage to soldier on, make medication taking a routine and need that support to get through the day.

Epilepsy is something none of us asked for however we get on with it as do the loved ones who have to watch it happening. The idea of someone running away from someone with my condition repulses me and makes me think that Epilepsy awareness is so important in today’s society. Turning a blind eye shouldn’t be an option. Teaching someone the recovery position and basic first aid can actually save someone’s life.

Just listening and supporting someone with Epilepsy means more than money being thrown at us. It’s about using common sense and realising that we all have to come together to show people that we although we have our episodes we want the same as everyone else. Like everyone else all we want is to be happy therefore the word must be spread. You should never suffer in silence.

On the subject of today’s events I have completed the squat challenge of 110 squats. I have eaten two digestive biscuits and have eaten healthy for the remainder of the day. The food shopping is ordered online and I’ve accomplished what I need to for the day. So overall Wednesday has been a fulfilling one at that.

Whilst doing my squats I’ve noticed about 8 spots on my back. I have a tendency at times to think the worst and I’m praying to god it isn’t chicken pox or shingles because I’m having the odd scratch. I’m thinking it could be an outbreak of cat allergy syndrome however I’m hoping it isn’t that either. The spots are being monitored however that will not defer me from Squatting like a mad woman.

To conclude today’s post. Normality what is that exactly? Everyone’s lives are different and our bodies work in mysterious ways. Remaining strong is something we all should do however it’s inevitable that there are going to be moments where we will break down. That’s what makes us human. We can’t do everything all of the time.

Do the best with what you have, remain strong and ensure that you are fit and well. My gran taught me something when I was younger. Try to be a leader and not a follower. When I say that I mean be a leader in your own mind, take charge of what you hold dear and always remember to keep your sanity by making time for yourself. On the basis you do this then hopefully the rest should follow.


2 thoughts on “Back to normal. Well for the time being anyway.

  1. I’ve grown up knowing what to do in the event of someone having a seizure since my uncle is epileptic, so nothing about epilepsy has ever seemed strange or abnormal to me. A couple of my cousins had childhood epilepsy, a couple of cousins have had errant but undiagnosed seizures and the same goes for my aunty (on the other side of the family). It seems horrifying that people can have such compassion for sufferers of one condition but not another. You are helping to change that by raising awareness yourself, like you say it’s not about throwing money at it. Just keep doing what you’re doing! x

    • Hello my love

      Haven’t the foggiest how to use wordpress apart from changing my backdrop and writing posts. Thank you for your kind words. I love your blog also and think you’re doing a marvellous job. With Epilepsy it’s such a complex issue. Seizures are different along with other aspects of the condition. Knowing what to do in times of crisis is crucial, there are people that haven’t the foggiest x x

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