“Don’t be shy about asking for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it just means you’re wise”
Sunday. It should be a day of rest however there’s no rest in my household. I had my mini rest last night after making family visits and spending quality time with my dad. Dad’s getting better as the week continues, he’s getting stronger by the day. Yesterday was jam packed therefore I have two days to write about.
Yesterday made me see that my dad and I have so many similarities other than the obvious of us being father and daughter. For once there was this part of me that could feel this vulnerable vibe coming from my dad following his heart procedure. I could sense dad was relieved however fearful of the unknown. I could associate with my dad entirely because like him I have been fearful of the unknown when my Epilepsy’s involved.
The quote at the beginning of today’s post is a very important one and something I feel people brush off.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking other’s for help. When I returned from University my family taught me that it took more courage to ask for help and return home than face up to my worries alone. For those who have read my blog in it’s entirety will understand that swallowing my pride and returning home in my teenage years was an unbelievably hard decision.
The decision to return was against my beliefs of pushing myself and made me feel weak, less determined and a failure. Like my dad I was in a vulnerable frame of mind all because my seizures had returned. I felt like I was less of a person because I hadn’t achieved what I thought I wanted. I thought a degree would make me, in fact it broke me.
Working whilst at University thrilled me however getting a degree made me feel cold. I went there to prove a point to myself. I also went because I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life other than making money and supporting my family.
For those who know me will know I’ve never really been a one to listen, I’ve been one to just do without thinking. I’m changing gradually. As I’ve got older (and possibly a little wiser) it’s become noticeable that listening does make a massive difference to the way you make decisions and the path you wish to go down. Like all children I had a terrible habit of jumping in feet first, overanalysing things and believing I was this big cheese.
When the word Epilepsy was mentioned I would get upset, get angry and attempt to listen all in one. When people would attempt to calm me down there was this part of me that wanted to tell people to “Sod off” because I knew better however looking back I didn’t have a clue. That’s the thing with age, you’re still finding your feet however are completely oblivious that you are.
Although I had my moments of doubt I thought that by putting on this front my Epilepsy wouldn’t be shining through me for all to see. Up until a few years ago I was a little embarrassed about my condition and all the side effects it would bring. Maybe that was the childlike behaviour inside of me, who knows. My thoughts towards have condition have changed entirely now. All I know is that I’m not the person I once was and that’s because I’ve managed to refrain from making a tit of myself and actually listening for a change.
What you must be aware of is this. You’re not always right. In fact in over half of our lifetime we will probably make the wrong decision at some stage. If we didn’t make wrong decisions then we wouldn’t be human. How would we know any better if mistakes weren’t made?
Sometimes you should just listen to what people are saying because usually they have your best interests at heart. Some individuals interpret this the wrong way and look upon that person’s opinion as interfering. What you need to ask yourself is this. If they didn’t care why would they voice their opinion? Why would they want to show you affection and provide advice if they didn’t want to help? Why would they put themselves out to help you? Do you think they do it for their own personal gain? Of course not.
The people closest to you do it because they love you therefore stop analysing and accept their support. You never know when that support will be given again. The arseholes might be different however you need to differentiate the two. Listen to the people who care for you most as they are the people who will stick by you through thick and thin.
My medication lately has been the topic of conversation in my household with my body doing pretty much whatever it likes. My GP doesn’t want to trial run any additional medications incase the seizures return and I’m just going through the motions. The headaches have simmered however I’m adamant that I must continue with life as normal.
There is absolutely no way I’m going to work my socks off all week at work to sit there feeling sorry for myself over the weekend. I only get two days off so I best get a move on.
Do any of you have a specific routine over the weekend? Apart from the times when I’m abroad I have the same routine every Saturday that I’d never change.
It starts off with me getting up early (sometimes a little too early), having a cup of coffee (or two), catching up with TV, sending the occasional tweet before jumping in the shower for my shopping jaunt with father dearest. Yet another hot beverage is drank and lunch eaten whilst my dad and I talk a load of bollocks and bang the world to rights. The day continues in which I will purchase something (money permitting) the football bets are placed before we return to mine to greet my husband, have yet another cup of tea and a cheese scone if I’m lucky and await the football commentary.
Yesterday one of my teams on a six team accumulator came up. I jumped through the air shouting “Weeeeey oh!” and doing a semi victory dance where I stand in the middle of the floor shaking my bum and impersonating Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing in Friends. There’s that element of hope when doing the dance however it doesn’t usually last long. I’m on my 250th consecutive loss.
I feel dead sorry for my neighbour because for at least the first half we are all getting ahead of ourselves shouting occasionally and seeing which one of us three will come up trumps or whether we will all have to hold those dreams till next week. When the season’s finished we have to all pretend we are civilised and have a decent conversation. It’s all very boring but incredibly funny. I think you have to be there to see how ridiculous we all sound.
Yesterday I opted for shreddies, a banana and a cuppa to start. Lunch was a prawn mayo sandwich with light mayonnaise on brown with a packet of wotsits and dinner a Pizza. I didn’t allow myself any chocolate yesterday so allowed myself to have half a 10 inch pizza. No further snacks were pouched later on not even my usual Saturday glass of wine. If I hadn’t had the pizza I would have done rather well however because I was lazy I opted for the Pizza and whinged after.
Although the pizza was well and truly devoured I haven’t deferred from the Squat challenge. Today is my resting day however couldn’t help but do 30 this morning with 2.5kg weights. When I’m not squatting I feel like I don’t know where to put myself.
Do you squat challengers feel the same?
Today is all about doing chores, listening to my husband shouting at the TV at the north east Derby, watching the cat parade around like he owns the shop and making my usual Sunday dinner later on. No rubbish has been eaten today and I’ve been snack free. As a treat I will allow myself two Yorkshire puds before chilling out and watching the Village on BBC1 later on.
Overall the weekend has been a pleasurable one, it goes far too quick for me though. It’s a shame we don’t have a three day weekend because I may not be as tired when I start the new week.
To conclude today’s post. Take help when it’s given, listen when people offer it and then make a decision. When it comes to your condition have an open mind and acknowledge when times are hard because it doesn’t make you any less of a person, it just reveals that there’s a problem there that needs to be resolved.
Try not to beat yourself up because moments will arise where you will feel like you’re falling however sometimes you need the people you love around you to make you accept what is important. Don’t allow your problem to define you, show it who’s boss, make the decision to change or to live with it the best way you can. In doing so it might make you see how strong you really are.