Second chances.

Thank god it’s Friday.

The weekend’s here and the forecast in the North East of England is expected to be rather good. I’ve got my fingers crossed that the sun will beckon down onto my front and back garden and provide me with a little happiness. The SPF50 will be out and I’ll be trying to don a beetroot shimmer for my entrance into work on Monday morning. We can all hope.

Should the predictions be entirely fabricated then I’ll get my gradual tanner out and hope that for once I can apply it correctly and not look like an oompa loompa. We can all pray..

Anyway let’s start this post with the quote of the day:

“No matter what, no matter how, where or who you can always turn around and get a second chance”

Or can we? Ask yourself that question. Do we all deserve a second chance? Is it the fear that we won’t or is the fear that we don’t deserve it? Personally speaking you can’t change whether someone else would give you a second chance however you owe it to yourself to give yourself that chance.

A significant amount of people who I’ve spoken to since coming onto the whole social networking scene don’t know how to give themselves that second chance, they don’t cut themselves any slack and they feel that the past has determined what their future will hold. I felt like that once.

From my perspective having a condition such as Epilepsy throws balls into your court on a regular basis and only you can decipher what you want. For many years I never allowed myself that second chance. I lived my life in the past and assumed that every seizure would be the same and that the emotional aspect of having a seizure/shaky bout would drum up the same worries.

To a degree I was right however there were times shortly after an episode had occurred that I would go in on myself and blame myself for what had just happened. Deep down I knew it was my body’s way of letting off some steam and de-stressing my mind. The buildup of electricity that forced my brain to breakdown wasn’t necessarily my fault it just happened.

From forums I went to as a teenager the same conclusion was drawn, that people didn’t know why they were convulsing, that questions weren’t being answered, that they felt like they weren’t being heard and the ultimate question of why is this happening to me was addressed more and more.

When I was younger I felt the same way possibly because in my case I was the only person on either side of my parent’s family tree who actually had Epilepsy. When I was diagnosed I presumed like my Asthma (that I inherited from my dad’s side) that Epilepsy was hereditary and that one day I would blame myself for passing this condition onto any children I may have.

In my case on down days the process of worry took over, you were pre-empting what the future would hold and hoping that one day you would eventually grow out of your condition. Epilepsy to me is about trial and error. Compared to others with the same condition as me I was extremely lucky to only be tested on three medications. I still felt like a guinea pig taking medications etc however knew it was necessary.

My seizures were difficult to accept however weren’t on the same scale as some individuals I’ve had the pleasure of speaking to. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my fair share of testing, scans, neurologist appointments and therapy however have been extremely lucky to be in a position where at present I have been seizure free for over four years.

I have such admiration for people with any condition who can tell the world that they’re here to stay and that their condition doesn’t prevent them from having a life. As mentioned in previous posts Epilepsy can restrict you in many ways others thought weren’t possible.

To me it’s the smaller things such as bathing alone, cooking and doing household chores without supervision incase a shaking episode should strike is one of the hardest things for me to comprehend. What I would like to stress to you all is that although these issues have angered me in the past they have made me appreciate what life has to offer and that under no circumstance should I take life for granted.

This evening I read something courtesy of book quotes that made me want to include this in this evening’s post. That passage is

“When one door closes another opens; but we often look upon the closed door and fail to see the one which has been opened for us. ”

Funnily enough that statement in the past would have in my eyes been spot on.

I never saw the door that was open, I just kept on staring at the door that was constantly shut. I empathise with people who felt the same as me however believe now that by thinking in that manner is not a way to live life. Life throws up so many challenges, it’s how you deal with those challenges that is key.

Today has been one of those days that’s felt like an eternity, it has been one of the longest days ever.

Work went so slow this afternoon however was brightened up with a chicken jalfrazi with rice. My colleagues in the staff canteen are adamant that my curry wasn’t full of rubbish therefore I took their word for it because I knew my food shopping may be getting delivered nearer 7pm and I couldn’t last that long without fuel.

I refrained from grabbing a bar of chocolate to finish my meal off however did have a few swigs of coke. This evening’s meal was chicken escalopes with beans, again no chocolate so that’s a start I suppose.

The choccie challenge has had it’s ups and downs to say the least. There’s this part of me that wants to go cold turkey, there’s another that wants to run to the biscuit tin. Nevertheless I believe everything in moderation and that’s what I intend to think of before gobbling a bar of chocolate. I just hope I can keep up with that mindset.

My food choices have been ok however the squat challenge is dominating not only my household but my twitter pals also. This squat challenge possibly has to be the most popular topic known to men and women alike. I think it’s bloody marvellous that we are all embracing this challenge. I think we’re all doing great.

I look at my phone for inspiration before putting on my tracksuit bottoms and vest top then stare at the picture of the arse I want to have. I spoke with a couple of my followers yesterday evening about the squat challenge. Everyone who has words of inspiration for me keeps me going.

The girls have reached over the 100 mark, me I’m on 90 and we are well underway to being arsetastic! The moto keep calm and squat on are the words uttered from my mouth before I flex my thighs, bend down and stick my bum out. I’m feeling the burn however refuse to be burnt out.

To conclude this evening’s post. Do we deserve to give ourselves that second chance? Of course we do.

In Britain we had a prime minister who was the man the country turned to to guide us in times of sorrow. That man was Winston Churchill. I’m uncertain whether I’ve used this quote before however there was one saying he said that will always remain in my mind. His words were:

“If you’re going through hell, keep going”

That’s what made our country great. In my eyes that’s why our country is called Great Britain because this individual did not give up on his country and the war we had to face. He had to care for his country the best way he could. I advise that we take his advice and make the decision to soldier on. Life is tough however it’s made up of both happiness and disappointment. If we can allow the happiness to prevail then we have the world at our feet. Love you for you, try to be strong and remember that we are all in this together.


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