“Losers have tons of variety, champions just take pride in learning to hit the same old boring shots”- Vic Braden.
Well that makes me a loser then. I just fancy like putting the L sign above my head and chanting loser at the top of my voice to myself just to make me giggle. No I’m just joking. I do however find that quote to be quite ironic because I’ve fallen into this category many times.
I’m all for achieving however being a champion doesn’t always necessarily mean that you are overachieving. Being a champion is knowing that you fight the fight, you get back up and refuse to stay down. Having Epilepsy is the same thing. You don’t have that choice to stay down otherwise you’d never leave the house.
Whilst growing up that was the philosophy my parents taught me particularly when my condition was involved. You can have ample amount of attacks however you can either sink or swim. Usually 48 hours is required to sort my body out after a seizure, about 24 after a shake.
After my 48 hour resting period I was back up and running trying to keep my head above water and carry on as though nothing had ever happened. Unfortunately this ended up resulting in me being in denial and not wanting to acknowledge that the Epilepsy was ever there. It was like “Yeah I’ve had a fit, next..”
For years my body was tired however I refused to sit down and rest. I had to keep my mind occupied whether that be socialising or continuing my day at work knowing fine well I wasn’t right in myself. I couldn’t just face facts that I needed to rest and that my body was telling me to stop. Deep down I wasn’t facing up to what I had. I was just cowering in my own little mental corner pretending that it never happened.
I would allow myself to tell others that I’d had a seizure however put on this brave face like I was perfectly fine with it. You know in yourself after a seizure/shaky moment that that isn’t the case. You’re disappointed and upset at the idea yet another one has ruined your day and more importantly you’ve allowed it to happen. If you have loved ones sometimes the same pattern emerges.
When I was younger there was always that side of doubt, that air of caution and that overwhelming concern that something would happen when I least expected it, that a seizure would come from nowhere and a shake would knock me back for the remainder of the day. That’s the hardest part about having a condition without warning because your subconscious is on high alert and under no circumstance can you tell it to calm down. You can change your attitude to adapt to your mood however I don’t think you can entirely stop those fearful moments from truly leaving you. Trust me I’ve tried for over twenty years and are getting there slowly but surely.
I remember one thing that my dad taught me once and that was to allow your life to flow naturally, to focus on what’s the most important and to stand up to the people who tried to bring me down to their level. You know what for once my dad made sense.
My dad is a man who has a way with words and refuses for his daughter to be a doormat to anybody.
Dad knows that the medication setbacks are a weight on my mind however knows that whatever decision I make is usually the right one when it comes to my condition as in my family I’m the only one who understands what I’m going through. To me my dad is a man with a plan and someone who always knows how to perk up my day.
My mother’s the same however she always comes with a pricetag., and usually insists I buy the coffees when we go out.
My mam does however make the nicest mashed potato (after my own of course) and knows that a chocolate brownie in times of shaky bouts will always declutter my mind and calm my restlessness. Let’s just say my parents have seen it all.
I have never been one to take my own advice and usually needed reassurance from others (not as much now as I once did). Since writing this blog and chatting to you guys about scenarios I’ve found challenging has been enlightening and has made me see that we all have our own problems however small they may be. People have a tendency to bottle things up and not release that tension to try and resolve the issue. You just turn into a pressure cooker and before you know it you’re bubbling over.
Me I couldn’t hide a problem if it slapped me in the face, I usually like to have a good old chinwag with a cuppa and a bar of chocolate. It get’s it off my chest. You’ve heard of the saying that two heads are better than one, well I couldn’t agree more. It is in my case.
Today like most days consist of going to work, grabbing a couple of cups of coffee, a few glasses of water, eating, working and buggering off home. Mid way through the week I pop in to see my grandmother who was on top form tonight. My grandmother is what I would like to call the oracle. The oracle out of the Matrix trilogy hasn’t got nothing on my gran. She’s like the all seeing eye, she’s been there, done that, worn the t-shirt and purchased the DVD. Her hearts in the right place though.
I believe that everyone should try their best to maintain that close relationship with their elder relatives as you never know when they will leave us. My gran played a major part in my growing up to which I’m eternally grateful and feel that it’s only right that I see her and we bond as we always have.
Every week my gran refuses when I offer to help her make the evening meal and makes it her priority to see how I’m doing and to throw a can of pepsi in my bag to bring home. She’s an absolute love my gran. This evening was a political discussion with a twist. She insisted on having her political rant, said she was no “left winger” and decided to proceed further by giving me a history lesson about the late Maggie Thatcher.
My gran is extremely old school, she disagrees with what “the young ones of today do with their lives” and feels that speaking the queen’s English is extremely important. Her hearts in the right place however there’s no way you can change my accent. It doesn’t matter how many elocution lessons you could send me to I’m from the North East and proud of it.
Gran believes that I’m a law onto myself and said that she’s never met anyone “blonder than her granddaughter” insinuating that I can be intelligent when I want to be however on the other side of the coin I have a good few stupid moments also. I think the majority of people that know me would say the same.. Haha!
Today’s food choices have been rather good if I do say so myself. No chocolate today however I did have a low fat banana yoghurt, coffee with sweetener was allowed and I have not caved in to Gran’s weekly galaxy fix in which she tries to fatten me up before I return home. Lunch consisted of soup with a couple of rivita rye breads and dinner being salmon with vegetables. I’m dead proud, no sweet treats for me. Let’s see how long it lasts! Positive vibes me thinks..
As for the Squat challenge I’m up to 80 and my thighs are vibrating as I squat. Saz Fonda is well and truly in force with my headband on panting away whilst watching sweet treats flash before my eyes all courtesy of good old Marks & Spencer. What is it with M&S adverts? Why do they show sodding melted chocolate on TV when I’m doing the choccie challenge. It’s to sway me that’s what it is.
Well I put my foot down and refuse to be swayed. Damn you M&S with your lush chocolate and your gorgeous smoothies. The worst case scenario is that I lick the TV and get a ton of unwanted dust in my mouth. That wouldn’t be the nicest experience and my mouth would taste dusty. Again not a nice experience.
To conclude today’s post. Losing and winning. Is it the same thing? To win is to achieve, to lose is to get back up and try again. Being a sore loser isn’t great for you or anyone else. Being a gracious loser and admitting defeat can at times be your greatest asset as it allows you to try again. Falling down isn’t ever an option, when you hit that all time low you have to get back up. As Anthony Robbins once said. Personal power is the ability to take action.
Whether it be your meds or feeling low remember this. Life is what you make it. Remember you only get one life so you best make the most with what you have because no one else will do it for you.