Happy Sunday everyone, hope you are all having a stupendous weekend full of love, laughter and chillaxing.
Before I start writing today’s post I have just realised that I’ve been writing Sazzle’s blog for 10 weeks.
I can’t believe it, it feels like only yesterday when I decided to make a life changing decision to document my concerns and stress the importance of Epilepsy awareness.
Other conditions appear to get a greater following however Epilepsy doesn’t. It’s getting there however we are a long way away. This could be down to a variety of things funding being one of them. That’s why I am extremely impressed with the services offered by both the medical profession and individuals to give Epilepsy the status it requires.
Apart from one member of neurology who gave the impression that he cared more about taking time off and spending his pension than helping his patients, the remainder of the medical profession have done me proud. I think like everything it’s all about the luck of the draw some are for offering their services other’s less so.
Statistics show that in the UK alone one in every 103 people have Epilepsy in which some people have more than one type of seizure. The plus part is that many people who were diagnosed below the age of 20 years old will grow out of their condition in later life. The downside is that many people who suffer from the condition are still being discriminated against due to ignorance surrounding their Epilepsy.
When I created this blog I decided that if I was going to write it properly I would have to give my all and be as honest/raw as I could be. I thought it would be important for you to read about the person and not solely about the condition. The condition is a part of me and something it’s taken a tremendous amount of time to say that I’m proud to be.
This blog was something to help aid my recovery, to see if anyone faced the same struggles as me and to determine whether anyone could give me any advice on how to cope with any insecurities I had.
Like all conditions it can make you or break you and I’ve had my fair share of moments. I made it a priority to address the issues we all face along with writing my day to day events so we could all see that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. The concept of writing this blog scared the living daylights out of me, to bare my soul online scared me initially however the more feedback I received the more I wanted to help. As long as I can help one person then I’ve achieved what I set out to do.
Throughout this journey I have had the opportunity to speak to some inspiration people and have made friends along the way. I have spoken to mothers, grandmothers, sons, fathers and individuals who have Epilepsy in their lives whether it be happening to themselves or to someone close to them. I am indebted to those very people who have given me the kick start to continue writing because they’ve told me that they hold me so dear, something I never thought in my wildest dreams would ever happen.
As soppy as this sounds you all mean the world to me and if anything each and every one of you has taught me something. You’ve taught me that life is for living and that there are genuine people out there whose principles are about giving, sharing and supporting others in their conquests to succeed and reach their own personal goals.
This morning I haven’t quite felt myself. I’ve tried to spur myself on however had the occasional negative thought. The quote below describes how I’m feeling:
“If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn’t be so anxious”- Mignon McLaughlin
Like mentioned above the majority of the time we don’t know why we’re anxious. All we know is that anxiety is usually based upon something that concerns us. We know that it is the displeasing feeling of fear and concern that usually stems from something that we dread happening. Maybe mine is the fear of the unknown, something I’ve written numerous times since starting Sazzle’s blog. The fear of the unknown is a scary feeling.
I know consciously I’m doing the best I can however today for some strange reason my body isn’t in unison with my mind. Maybe it’s the medication or just the fact that I’ve actually got nothing to worry about because everything in life is exactly where it should be.
To be honest I don’t know what’s up. As for my healthy eating I’ve kept my word and refrained from eating rubbish. I’ve stuck to small portions, eaten vegetables, have been supping water and weeing every five minutes. Maybe it’s because I know come tomorrow I’m back to work after such a relaxing week off. Who knows. Either way I haven’t felt this way for a while and it’s made me feel a tad disheartened.
Question for you all.
Like me do you all find that you will be walking along maintaining that upbeat attitude before all of a sudden you hit that brick wall without any explanation why? I can’t explain it however I’ve become really needy and today reverted back to the Old Saz. For once since my angry moment on Mother’s day I felt a little inadequate and required reassurance.
If this attitude continues I may have to bottle it up and and sell it to the public branded Saz Spice. It would make a change from Old Spice something my granddad would repeatedly wear. I think he purposely wore it when I stayed with my grandparents to distract me from watching TV and force me upstairs to do my homework.
My eyes have been droopy too and all I’ve wanted to do is sleep however this afternoon I have a ton of stuff to do therefore will muster on do my exercise, iron and make tea before sitting down and watching this evening’s TV shows. I’m uncertain whether my medication today is making me feel this way however all I know is that it’s a blip and I’ll be back to normal soon.
On a lighter note I went to the park with my other half for an afternoon stroll. I dodged the ice-cream van however did opt for a diluted juice instead. Again the converse went down a storm however the bitter chill was freezing my bones therefore I had no other choice but to walk at a quicker pace. There were zillions of dogs having a wail of time all of which I wanted to play with however my eyes were streaming therefore that was my cue to leave.
I absolutely love animals. I think I’d be lost without my cat Benny. Benny was rescued from a local cat shelter about 18 months ago only for him to be trialled in our household before we took him on permanently once I got a prescription for stronger antihistamines. He’s a little darling, he’s scratched my wallpaper and goes after my feet however when all’s said and done he is the way forward. I’m usually a lover of dogs however when I saw Benny I couldn’t help myself. He’s always eating like a horse and farting like a trooper however I think the world of him.
The smells he’s been dropping this afternoon have even made me husband wince so for Benny to do that is an achievement in itself. Part of me is thinking it’s the other half however I’m thinking it probably isn’t as the smell of tuna is filtering up the stairs. It doesn’t matter how many scented candles I light the smell is as pungent as ever hence me blogging upstairs with the door shut.
If you have anyway to kick me out of this rut then please forward any suggestions. All would be appreciated.
To conclude today’s post. We all have our moments whatever the problem is. Sometimes there isn’t a problem things just get to us without an explanation why. Whilst writing this very post something has just popped up onto my mobile phone, something I will recite to you all. The words laughter and love are priceless gifts so live with passion- therefore laugh and love as much as you breathe.
As I’m writing these very words I cannot help but smile because I know that all’s well. I know I must brush off this sense of insecurity and live for the moment whether that be cleaning, ironing or making the tea. I say this because I know there are people out there who don’t get the opportunity to even do that therefore I must make every moment count.
What I should be looking at is that I couldn’t ask for anything more therefore I best shut up, get on with it and keep smiling.