Strength and smells.

This morning I woke up to a bitter chill in the air, the frost had again christened my lawn and the cat preferred to stay indoors. Yet again I was up extremely early for a day off and as planned the headaches arrived just in time for my daily bowl of cereal. Groundhog day here I come or so I thought.

Instead of whining I decided that by eating breakfast, having a glass of water and a very long shower may help matters and so I did. I changed my usual feeling sorry for myself because I have a headache moment and miraculously it worked.

The quote of the day has to be:

“I hated every minute of training but I said don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion”- Muhammad Ali

My opinion is that this rule applies to everything life throws at you. Be the champion that you want to be. We are all champions in our own way. It’s how big of a champion you choose to be. Being a champion isn’t just about being powerful it’s about knowing that you are accomplishing your own goals. Whether that be helping a neighbour, getting out of bed on a morning feeling energised or sticking to a diet each goal counts to form the end result.

Whilst reading these very words this morning it made me think. The thought was sit and feel depressed or get up and fight. The headaches for me have been a daily occurrence for a few months now. The doctors are certain that it’s as a result of my medication however every anti-epileptic drug I’ve been on causes headaches so no change there.

Do you really think that the greatest boxer in the world sat there and decided to give up? Of course he didn’t he persevered and became the ultimate champion. He is remembered for his guts, stamina, strength and agility.

Since being diagnosed with Epilepsy the words “quitting” have entered my head on more than one occasion. When the shakes entered my life I became very upset with myself. One day after a horrendous bout of the shakes I sat questioning my existence before feeling sorry for myself and getting blinding drunk. For those first six years the shakes occurred every other day. In my eyes I was just existing. I wasn’t actually getting anywhere. Dwelling was second nature to me.

Sitting there dwelling doesn’t achieve anything; in fact it makes you feel worse. Why should you feel like you’re just existing? Why not change your groundhog day and enjoy the one life you have?

All that we are is a result of what we put in, you reap what you sow. My world felt like it was turned upside down when I was diagnosed. I was a little girl lost and I felt like no one knew entirely how I was feeling. Nowadays I know exactly how I’m feeling. My emotions now consist of getting up and living my life with the occasional lack lustre and whingey moment. Overall times are changing and that’s something we all must adhere to adjusting to.

Whilst writing my random facts last night it got me thinking about who I was and what I represented. I briefly analysed what I was and what I currently stand for. My life has changed completely ranging from the usual clothing, hairstyles and beauty products. The biggest change however has to be my outlook on life.

I bleat on continuously about being alone however feel that it must be drummed in. Facing a condition can dampen your outlook on life and make you feel downtrodden. You are never alone. Fair enough medical appointments are compulsory along with medication taking however discussion forums and therapy is a place that allows you the power to educate yourself about your condition and gives you the tools to change your life to a degree. No your condition won’t disappear however like me you will see how others cope. You may seek advice and solace from it.

A question for you all? What is your comfort zone and do you retreat there when you’re feeling down? Do you go there after a seizure or when you’re feeling a little under the weather?

Today I decided to go out with my mam for a little retail therapy. So there we were mother and daughter in arm eying up fashions we couldn’t blatantly afford. Either way we stopped off for a ham and cheese sarnie and a couple of cups of coffee. Going out with my mam is a blessing. Like me she can talk the hind legs off a donkey however her heart’s in the right place. I always try to drop hints about what makeup I’m into on the off chance she’ll let me get something. The joys of being a child… well a 27 year old one!

Whilst out today one of the most disgusting yet hilarious thing happened. Mid browse in my usual clothes shops I smelled a funny smell. At first I thought it could be my first aura smell as my head was buzzing however it wasn’t it was a weird smell. A one I’d never smelt before. It was like rotten eggs merged with soap powder. Had someone dropped a bomb or was I going to convulse? The fear was in my mind, I was waiting and waiting and waiting before…

Hold up wait a minute.

Standing in a corner of the shop was a woman. A middle aged woman with a very nice Fiorelli bag around her neck. At first I was eying up the bag however I could see she was looking a tad sheepish and embarrassed. Before long the heavier the smell the more she was backing out of the store. Then all of a sudden.

“Parrrrrrp” and off she ran to the other end of the shop dragging her little boy with her.

Had that woman just farted or was it the kid? I didn’t know what way to turn. Here I was thinking I was going to have a full blown seizure only to identity some woman dropping stinkers in the store next to the blouse I wanted to buy. What was worse was that she tried to disguise the smell by spraying perfume around the shop before then blaming her child. Crazy lady! If you’re gonna let one go just do it! I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself, that made my Saturday.

The day so far has been a massive success. I scored for a highlighter and a decaf skinny latte along with removing my headache with a litre of water and a bit of willpower.

All around the day is looking up. I’ve been eating relatively healthy, the husband’s making a pasta dish this evening and I have refrained from eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate. The Sazzle chocolate challenge is going well. It’s the longest I’ve gone without eating more than two squares a day. Long may this continue. Tomorrow may be a little harder as there’s a zillion Easter eggs sitting in the cupboard.

The morale of the story is this. Strength is a quality we all have however some don’t realise they have strength until it stares them in the face.

Allow yourself to change the dynamics of your life. Ensure that you try to remain as positive as you can when you can. When it comes to your condition I know times are tough and you feel like throwing in the towel however I would strongly recommend that you don’t. As John D Rockefeller said I always try to turn every disaster into an opportunity. I elaborate on that.

Try to turn a negative into a positive, a frown into a smile and a worry into a hope. If you can do those three things then you are on your road to recovery.


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