Easter is fast approaching and the sun finally came out today. What a relief because my focus was drifting into nothing. To constantly look out the window to snow, sleet and wind is rather depressing. Next week is the start of British summer time. Is someone having a laugh? The snow’s only just gone.
The idea of wearing yet another dark item of clothing is starting to make me feel rather blue therefore it was a blessing to see a hint of sunshine. Failure to feel a tad warmth on my neck sooner or later would have resulted in me retreating back indoors and hibernating for the foreseeable future because I cannot bear yet another chilly day.
This morning I woke up feeling invigorated and excited because at lunchtime today I would be off work for 10 days to celebrate the easter break by spending some time unwinding with the people I love. It was about time that I got off my tush and started feeling like me again, none of this let’s feel sorry for myself nonsense but to appreciate that life is too short.
A tweet was retweeted onto my timeline today that I think is a timeless quote.
“The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else which makes you unique”- Walt Disney.
To be unique. What does that mean exactly? Does having Epilepsy make you unique? Does it make you feel that you can take on the world because you take on such a powerful condition?
In my eyes to be unique is to show the world what you’re made of condition or not, to stand there shoulders back and walk with your head held high. It’s the acceptance that you have for yourself that translates into confidence. It’s the way you embody yourself and show people that irrespective of having a condition that you are making the most with what you have and are doing a damn good job. When you combine all the above with a tailored jacket, a pair of killer heels (or flats in my case because I have flat feet) and a stunning bag then wowsers you’re killing it and standing out from that crowd with class.
People portray their feelings through writing, art, fashion, speech but most importantly through the art of social networking. I’ve never been a big social networking fan as you well know. It’s never appealed to me until about a year ago. I never knew that blogging was the in thing till I went online and started reading blogs about fashion, beauty but more importantly Epilepsy.
The message was loud and clear from bloggers let’s raise awareness and give people the chance to dip into an entirely different world. It was a bloggers way of portraying their feelings to everyone and for that one split second allow the reader to be a part of their world.
I remember about two years ago I was given the opportunity to walk in a local catwalk show for a relative of mine in which I would be asked to wear vintage fashions particularly fashions from the 1980’s.
I was born in 1985 and have been told that 80’s fashions were scandalous. Me I wouldn’t know because I was 4 in 1989 and I was rocking the mickey mouse/Aaron jumper trend so I’d be none of the wiser. For anyone that knows me they’ll know that I love experimenting with makeup and dressing my figure. I love nothing more than trying new fashions and adore the tailoring trend.
To do this fashion show left me with the dilemma. Do I do it or not? Will nerves get in the way?
Before making the decision to do the show I thought long and hard about how I’d feel being centre stage for those ten minutes walking down the mini catwalk. I’d done theatrical plays at school got a successful pass grade at ALevel drama. Although the confidence was there, there was this sense of failure before I even got on stage.
The usual anxieties such as forgetting my lines and making an absolute tit of myself ranked up there with falling over, missing my cue and not superseding my own expectations. Before long the adrenaline would kick in, the show would result in a standing ovation and I would be relieved (to say the least) that it was done and dusted without a hitch.
Working with stage lights was a big obstacle for me to overcome because there was this fear that mid production I would convulse and ruin everyone’s evening. This was before I knew that I didn’t suffer from photosensitive epilepsy.
Getting back to the fashion show.. I made the decision to do this as failure to do so would result in me regretting why I didn’t take the chance when offered and having the guts to do what I wanted. The day came along with the anxieties and I decided that enough was enough. So what if I had a seizure whilst doing my mini catwalk pose. The show must go on and I have to give this a chance for my own sanity.
My makeup was professionally applied, my outfits framed my figure and I felt a million dollars. I was draped in pearls and had that Marilyn Monroe experience for all of ten minutes. My family were there cheering me on and I felt like the woman I always wanted to feel. I was someone else for that moment, the new Saz. The night was a great success and was topped off beautifully with me getting discount off a vintage jacket, eating a chocolate cupcake and having a small glass of white wine.
People may question why I’m referring back to that day. It was a day of fulfilment. It was a day where I stepped out of my comfort zone and although my condition wasn’t erased from my mind I was doing something for me for a change. I wasn’t preventing myself from having a life because I had Epilepsy. I was proud to say that I was a part of a vintage fashion show where I could cheer on my relative and meet new friends in the process. A sense of accomplishment.
I advised that I would keep you all updated with my “chocolate challenge” and so I will.
Work today was extremely hard to remain food focused. Choccies were on the side however I managed to resist an entire truckload and stick to my two bits as planned. Why I’ve decided to set myself this challenge when there’s a bloody 1kg easter egg in my cupboard is beyond me. As I couldn’t gobble the choccies I decided to drink water instead.
As bland as water can be I looked to the long term thinking that my skin would look dewy and my body would be left hydrated. The only downside to drinking the supposed “two litres of water” we should be drinking is that I’ve been pissing like a racehorse dashing to the loo every five minutes and it’s been driving me barmy.
Anyhow. Mid afternoon I opted for a carvery, had no rice pudding and spent a little time with a couple of my relatives. As I stared at my meal I thought to myself that although I’ve set the choccie challenge I’m doing relatively well with the remainder of my food. I;m eating my lean meat and devouring through my five a day. You are allowed a treat at times to prevent you going off course entirely however as long as I’m aware of my food options then I should hopefully be ok and succeed in my quest to feel good in my straight jeans again.
As I’m now maintaining positivity about my condition I want to make sensible decisions about the remainder of my life. I’m getting there slowly but surely and advise those out there to persevere as you will get there eventually. I need to have the feel good factor.
To conclude today’s post. Epilepsy makes your mood go up and down, you feel like the seizures are never going to stop and that you will never come out of the routine you’re in. Look at it this way. Life is too short to worry as it’s too short to be unhappy. Be unique, stand out from the crowd and like yourself, you never know what’s around the corner.