Friday feeling

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”- Plato

Are we all fighting a hard battle with something or with ourselves? Do you constantly seek approval with yourself? Is there a part of you who constantly wants more and will continue to kick themselves when a goal isn’t achieved? Some people set themselves unrealistic targets. The majority of goals are met however sometimes there is the odd occasion where for whatever reason they won’t be and you know what? That’s what being human is all about.

Battles can range from family worries, to financial difficulties to concerns surrounding your condition. All of them are battles that we all come across at some point of our lives. As it’s Friday all I want to do is go buy a crunchie and eat one with a cup of tea. That’s what Friday’s are all about isn’t it? The Friday feeling.

Yesterday was a day where I tore myself up inside over yet another scenario that could have been prevented. At times you have to listen to your mind and listen to what it’s telling you. People can fall off the bandwagon however it makes it all worthwhile to jump back on and fight back. The fighting spirit defines who we are. The fighting spirit makes us warriors and that’s what we do. We get back up when we’re knocked down.

This afternoon at work I looked at my watch and thought about how I was feeling this time yesterday.

This time yesterday I was a nervous wreck tapping my brogues across the shiny floor at the doctors surgery whilst watching some kid crying over dropping his chocolate on the floor. Devastating that isn’t it? No I’m not talking about the anxiety of seeing a Dr I’m talking about that poor kid’s chocolate. There’s nothing worse than dropping that little luxury on a dusty floor. If that was me my mouth would probably have caught the chocolate mid droppage before it could even touch the floor. Bless him.

Today I felt so much better not because the weekend was rearing but that I managed to make the decision to stand still for a change. I decided to breathe slowly and take in what I was becoming.

That person has come a rather long way since she was when diagnosed. Every little mishap resulted in insecurity, doubt and sheer anxiety. Looking back it’s safe to say that I’m getting there all with the help of my loved ones who I am indebted to. To this day I would recommend everyone with any issues write them down and see where you were and how far you’ve come. It can make such a difference.

When I was diagnosed I thought that there would never be light at the end of the tunnel however twenty years on I can see some light. That light glimmers and makes me see sense. It makes me see that giving up is not an option and that whatever the circumstance I have to come through it because only I can make the decision to change. I never asked for Epilepsy however there are moments where I take in what it’s taught me. It’s opened up doors for me to seek advice, make conversations with people sharing my condition and allowing me to raise some form of awareness to the public.

This evening I was reading my kindle and I started thinking. What should be the most important thing in our lives? I’m not the most academic person on the planet however I make do with what I have and take the piss out of myself in the process. People put so much emphasis on being academic and earning a fistful of cash. Does being academic actually make you clever? Does being academic grant you a degree in common sense? I’m uncertain of that one.

Sazzle’s chocolate chunk muffins went down a treat at work. I refrained from eating one as I had half a one last night however drooled while watching my colleagues gobble them with a coffee. I on the other hand opted for a mint flavoured options and a small portion of sugar free jelly. The sweat and profanities that went into those muffins was sublime. I was like the wild woman of Borneo. The entire kitchen took a hammering. I spilt plain flour all over the kitchen floor, eggs were cracked and the mixture was all over the tiles as soon as the electric whisk was turned on. The first attempt was an absolute disaster.

If I had a swear jar for charity it would be overflowing with £1 coins right now. You could have collected about £50 the amount of times I said “For fucks sake” to myself.

After work I decided to take a shopping trip to our local supermarket at rush hour. Let’s just say NEVER go to the supermarket at 4.30pm on a Friday evening. One word to describe Asda on a Friday evening. Cattlemarket… well maybe that’s two words.
One pointer I have to make. It’s supposed to be Spring however it’s below freezing outside. I want to wear something other than long boots, big coats and scarves however the weather doesn’t wanna play ball. Damn you cold weather.

It was bitterly cold outside, my face was that cold it looked like someone had drew permanent red marker all over my face and my hair was sticking up like a hen’s arse. It was all wrong.

I had people randomly standing in the aisles texting and chatting with other shoppers about everything and nothing. I just wanted to get in and get out because I cannot stand clutter. Isn’t it a nightmare when you go food shopping? Usually I decide online shopping is the way forward however in this instance I decided to brace the supermarket.

I’m fortunate that I don’t suffer from trolley rage however The words “excuse me” was said about a dozen times and I was trying to remain reserved. What I wanted to say was “Get out my fucking way I need to get some bread!” however decided that wasn’t the best way forward considering the plight of my hair.

Fortunately my husband and I managed to get out of the supermarket relatively unscathed and decided to have a cooked chicken and some veggies at home. The healthy eating has gone relatively well apart from a couple of scoops of mashed potato I had with my evening meal. It tasted delicious and it was just enough to take the edge off.

The aim this weekend is to chill out and enjoy spending time with family. It’s about getting back into routine i.e. exercise, chilling, forward planning and blogging to you lovely lot. To conclude this evenings post. Friday it’s a day we look forward to, it’s something that makes us smile but more importantly it gives us time to think, relax and have fun, that’s what weekends are for!


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