Decisions, Decisions.

“A person who chases two rabbits catches neither”- Confucius

Today has been a day which has been rather peculiar to say the least.

Today has been a day in which the angry Saz wanted to rear her ugly head however the happier Saz managed to control the ugly side and channel the anger in a way that would pose no detriment to her health. The concern has arisen as to whether my medication needs reducing. This concern has been on my mind for some time now and cannot be postponed any longer.

Considering I have been seizure free for just over four years the questions are whirling round in my head as to whether it’s essential to reduce my meds now or to wait a couple of years, see whether a family comes along and reducing them then. What a dilemma. I can question as many people as I want however know that ultimately it’s me who must make that choice as I am off to my GP on Thursday and will have to inform him about what path I choose to go down.

If you were in my shoes what would you do? Would you take the chance and see if it will help my headaches/shakes or would you stick at the routine you’re in?

Have you ever been in that dilemma where you think you know what’s right however aren’t 100% certain what road you should go down? Well today has been a tale of two halves.

I decided yesterday that I would see if I could do a shorter day so I could catch up on a couple of errands that needed to be ran. My mind has been motivated and raring to go however my body is saying something entirely different. It’s asking me to rest and I’m not certain why. Do you think the same way as me? Is this normal?

Like an athlete I want to run as fast as my legs will carry me however know like everything else in my life you will progress on the basis you do something little and often. Running at full speed will result in me burning the candle at both ends and will burn me out literally.

This morning I woke up tired and stressed for reasons I cannot describe. Family health issues have cropped up over the past few months and my mind has been weighed down with the concerns for them.

As for my body it was craving chocolate however managed to resist and stuck to porridge instead with a chopped banana. My head was sore and I couldn’t be arsed. The idea of going to work to even do six hours was making me fluster and I couldn’t be bothered with life let alone work. Do we all have off days or is this another medication lapse? Either way I knew I had to bite the bullet and carry on as normal.

Work was just work. My workload was reducing slowly but surely and before I knew it my husband and I were in the car returning home for the day before the second half of my day recommenced. The day hadn’t got any better and I was in a complete and utter mess with myself. I thought the best person to cheer me up would be my mother as she always makes me giggle. Unfortunately we were both in the same boat. She got burdened with my upheaval and I had to listen to her talking about her skincare regime and how she too wanted to eat healthier.

Mid power rant the strangest thing happened… well it was strange to me anyway and rather surreal. Yesterday was my ham sandwich dream now today was the price of organic items.

Here we were a couple of whingers eying up some chocolate torte while having our decaf skinny wet lattes at this organic shop.

I am all for the nation eating healthily however the prices they were charging at this “organic café” would even make the queen wince. A free range chicken was £21. £21 for a half a chicken? Is someone pulling my leg here? Are these people actually trying to con the good old British public? Do people pay that amount of money for a free range chicken? I couldn’t believe it. That amount of money could get me my entire fruit and vegetables at Asda for the week!

Well actually I could because some fella came in and purchased one before my very eyes along with numerous sachets of green tea, a variety of wines, one of the “extortionate” chickens, and some other lotions and potions.

I’m all for one looking after themselves however realistically if I was going to buy bumph like that I would opt to go somewhere else, at least somewhere that would allow you to sample their range. Never mind each to their own. I know I won’t be rushing there for whatever he bought in a hurry.

Getting back onto the subject of decision making. My mam and I walked away from the coffee shop high as a kite on caffeine and laughing at our loudest over the chicken fiasco.

My mam has always been extremely supportive and will back me no matter what. When it comes to my medication she knows that I know my own body and if I’m prepared to take the risk that she will be there regardless as parents are for their kids. My mam hates seeing me being so indecisive and wants me to realise that at times I cannot make decisions yesterday. They do take time and they do take careful consideration. What am I waiting for?

Is it the old me worrying about the seizures returning? The more I think about it the more I conclude that whatever will be will be.

The aim of the day. Keep your chin up and keep smiling whatever decision you have to make.


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