People may question this evening why I have used the title “Keep calm and carry on dating” however I thought this was a topic that I can share about dating with Epilepsy.
I have read community forums where teenagers and young adults are absolutely terrified at the fact of dating with Epilepsy. The problem is incase the worst case scenario should happen and that person who you are attracted to rejects you because of a condition you cannot control. The idea of someone looking down at you for having a condition and the thought of being alone is unbearable to some. People have gone to extremes for a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Before I go into this post I need to make you aware that no-one and I repeat no-one should ever think that way. I have been down that path on more than one occasion and I can assure you now whether it takes a year or 50 years everyone deserves happiness and I believe there is someone out there for all of us. If they don’t like what they see then pardon my French but fuck them because they aren’t worth your tears. You have to go with your gut and put yourself first.
Everyone has their own idea of what the perfect date should be. Whether you be in your late teens to your late eighties you are partly in control and to be frank the fear of dating again knocks the wind out of my sails because it’s been a while since I dated somebody. Come to think of it I’m just happy where I am right now.
Preparing yourself for a date is like preparing a bloody suitcase to go abroad. What am I gonna wear? When should I start getting ready? What makeup should I put on? Am I overdressed? The butterflies come and you’re a mess from the get go. Your excited and nervous all in one and come to think of it when the date’s over was it all worth it? I’ll leave you to answer that question.
Since I was a teenager the word “dating” caused my friends to be divided. What would I consider to be the perfect date?
Some were a right bunch of pricks and the others didn’t have a clue how to behave. Some girls I knew (me included when I was younger) was like “Oh my god I’ve found the one” at 13 year old before etching the words “Saz loves (the boys name)” into the back the of a school book or in a diary.
To me that sentence was finalised when you put the letters IDSTL in the back of that book. For all those who don’t know what IDSTL then you really should get down with the kids however means If destroyed still true love. Gosh it’s been ages since I said that; you can tell I wrote it a lot because it just rolled off the tongue like I was 13 again. How sad eh? IDSTL… Kids games.
Well.. To me dating consists of certain categories.
Firstly you have the romantics who go to the far ends to impress. The romantics want everything from a candlelit dinner to a dozen red roses and sweet nothings whispered in your ear all night. You have the people who make a complete fool of themselves by trying to crack the worst jokes man has ever created in a bid to make themselves look half decent and then you’ve got the people in between who love nothing more than someone with a sense of humour, who doesn’t overdo it and makes you feel like the person you are.
Me I’m rather old school, well before my time. I’m the sort of person who likes a man to keep the door open for me and who wants to show me off on his arm. I’m the sort that enjoys nothing more than a quick bite to eat before returning home chilling, laughing at the simplest of things whilst drinking a glass of red. I’m the sort of person who likes the fact my prospective partner runs the occasional bath for me when they know I’m unwell and gives me that assurance when I’m feeling low. That’s just me, each to their own.
I’m not one of these people who has to have a valentines day present to know my partner loves me and I’m definitely not one of those women who makes sure their partner’s pay the bill EVERYTIME they go out. To me you’re a partnership so all things should be divided equally.
When I was younger I always dreamt about what my dream man would be like. Now I’m not gonna get all luvey duvey on you and say my husband is my dream man because half the time I wanna throttle the fella however know that he’s an honest and caring man with a heart of gold. Like all fellas the toilet seat’s left up and there’s sock fluff all over the carpet however he is who is and he’s the man I married. The word “compromise” plays a significant role in relationships and people feel that they have to be the dominant character. Why I don’t know however it shouldn’t be that way.
Getting back to the “dream man” when I was diagnosed with Epilepsy the prospect of dating was never too far from my mind. The reason being is that there’s never the right time to tell someone that you are Epileptic because the majority of the time they haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. Come my teenage years like all teenagers I wanted to go out, have fun, have a couple of drinks and dance the night away. The only difference being is that I had to ensure my medication was taken frequently, I wasn’t around any strobe lights and I was on my guard 24/7.
As a late teenager I made mistakes and maybe let my guard down too much when boys were involved i.e. I turned into something I wasn’t to keep them. I was a girl (whose parents tried to tell her however she wouldn’t listen) who was afraid that my Epilepsy would ruin everything. I was a girl who put on a front however deep down had self esteem issues. I was a girl who deep down didn’t feel like I belonged however never portrayed that image to my family.
At the age of 17 I can safely say that I was like little girl lost. I had someone who cared and threw it away for a good looking shit who couldn’t care less. I was backed into a corner by someone who didn’t give a damn because they knew I was naïve and was insecure. What I would urge people is to follow your head and let that do the talking. I keep on thinking that I need to make amends to be at peace with myself over my regrets however the more I think about it the more I think it’s water under the bridge and should be left alone.
Everyone has regrets however as I’ve grown older I’ve noticed that life is all about experience. If everything was hunky dory then mistakes wouldn’t be made and people would all come from the same mould.
The other day amongst friends the topic of dating was mentioned with someone asking whether my feelings towards dating altered from other people’s. I was asked how I felt about dating. When you suffer from Epilepsy do you fear dating more? Do you question how the other person may cope at the thought of telling them you have a condition? Will they reject you for having a disability? Those are the stigmas people associate with dating and Epilepsy and to me I cannot understand why people choose to do that.
What I have accepted over the years is that mistakes have been made, tears have been shed and I’m still here. Everyone wants love or some form of comfort. Why not focus on being you and allowing yourself to be happy. Don’t allow your condition to ruin what you want. Everyone can find love and as long as you can accept yourself for you then the rest is history.