Happier Saz.

“Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls due”- William Ralph Inge.

Good old worry. It comes when you least expect it. Worry is something that conquers your beliefs. To worry about everything can become a burden on your frame of mind and everyone else’s for that matter. The anxiety one can face over the slightest worries can force you to live in a bubble and make you question your entire life. In those cases it’s best to turn your frown upside down before you start over analysing.

Epilepsy to me is something that makes me question who I am however I am trying to continue to live life to the fullest and put my decisions down to age and experience.

Today the word Epilepsy was mentioned in which I responded by saying that March 26th is purple day in which all epileptics can be in unison in one another and come together to share our day and educate the public on what this day means to us.

Some choose to wear purple, some choose to create a bit of nail art and others bake. Either way purple day stands for something. It represents the warriors we are and the challenges we have to face whether that be seizures, surgery, therapy or just the general mundane of panic surrounding what our condition can bring. It is a day that prior to me writing this blog was unknown to me and I have embraced what this day is going to mean to both myself and everyone else.

Writing this blog has given me the opportunity to voice my thoughts to people who want to hear them.

Doors have been opened and has allowed me to reduce my stress levels by channelling my past into this word process. Words cannot describe the way I felt/feel about Epilepsy and how it changed my persona. What I can happily say is that it’s pushed me at times when push was needed. Although the medication demotivates me on occasion the battle to carry on is so much harder however something I strive so much to achieve. Let’s just say it’s making me into the woman I am today.

Today has been yet another productive day in which I returned to work bright eyed and bushy tailed. The aim was to maintain a positive outlook and have a laugh whilst doing so.

I managed to spill both a cup of coffee and soup all over my desk however laughed it off and put it down to me having shaky hands. My colleagues and I like to make jokes about my shaky hands as when they start they can shake non stop. Five minutes out was required to not only clean up but to prevent any further shakes. Instead of getting frustrated about it I just burst into laughter, took five minutes out and got back to work only eaten half of my soup and a swig of my coffee. Perfect excuse for someone to make me another. Cheers girls.. The joys of having shakes eh? Make a negative into a positive.

The only way to explain partial shakes is like wobbling a biscuit in front of your nose and trying to catch it with your mouth. You try eating a biscuit with wobbly hands is virtually impossible but hilarious at the same time. I know I’ve tried it a good few times over the years. My biscuit always ends up in my coffee, soggy and not worthwhile eating.

The day went extremely quick. I ate well and was gearing myself for the next part of the day..

Bollocks. Dentist time with my mother. The dentists is without doubt one of the most boring places to go to. My dentist is such a lovely gentleman and has been my dentist since I was a child.

When someone utters the word “Dentist” all I think about is that dentists drill. You know that high pitched noise. Weeeeeeeeee…. that was a crap impression but you get the jist of it.

That noise is like someone going into the depths of your soul and scaring you senseless.

The sound of that drill frightens me to death and the idea of that going anywhere near my mouth for a scale and polish is something I dread. At 27 I’m not anxious going to the dentist just eager to get out of there ASAP.

Fortunately I only had to go for a check-up today however come Saturday the hygienist will get that almighty drill out before saying “It’ll just take a sec” then going full force on my nashers and hitting all the sensitive bits. The joys of the dentist. The amount of chocolate I’ve eaten in 27 years would probably make Willy Wonka a run for his money however I’m pleased to say that I am filling free and have only ever had mildly sensitive gums as a result of my medication. Good job teeth!!

One question for you all. Have any of you found that when you brush your teeth pour with blood? My dentist has advised me that this is another side effect of my medication. So my medication has given me the following:

Bleeding gums, mood swings, headaches, lack of motivation, hard skin on my feet and shaky bouts. One word to sum that up. Class-says she sarcastically.

Shortly after I decided to take a stroll to my Grans before she started banging the world to rights. My grandma is without doubt one of the wisest women I know. She always has an opinion on everything and has always had my best interests at heart. My gran is 82 and is recovering from a bad bout of the flu.

My gran doesn’t fail to amuse me rambling on about how politicians haven’t got a clue how the country ought to be run and how her mother lived through the depression and how she survived world war 2. Every week I make it my duty to see her, grab a bite to eat and vent our frustrations of the past seven days. My gran cannot help herself however she is one of the most successful women I know. She is one of the most elegant women I know and ceases to amaze me with her words of wisdom.

Looking at gran tonight made me proud because my gran is just my gran. She’s more like a second mother than a grandmother.

Gran made me see that anything can be possible. It takes more courage to admit defeat then go against the grain and push yourself unnecessarily.

My gran is aware of my condition and my temperament however like the rest of my family loves me for me. Trying to teach my gran what music is current and what the latest fashions are is like trying to teach an old dog new tricks- literally. It’s extremely difficult however she accepts me for who I am and realises that my life is like a learning curve; mistakes will be made and lessons learned.

The joy’s of Thursday. Usually Thursdays are days that you so want to be Friday’s. Although I embrace what the weekend offers I was embracing what Thursday had to offer. Dentist and all.


2 thoughts on “Happier Saz.

  1. Live your blog! I don’t have epilepsy but my beautiful 9yr old has jme and they told us his meds (epilim/lamotrigine/clobazam) can increase bleeding, so maybe your meds do the same ?

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