Changing your thought process is like riding a bike for the first time. You’re all wobbly at first and petrified of falling over. Once you’ve fallen you realise the tumble wasn’t too painful therefore you jump back on and give it another go. Before you know it you’re riding your bike one handed and eventually riding up the hill you thought was impossible.
For someone with a medical condition such as Epilepsy the feeling is very similar or it was for me anyway. On occasions that hard helmet has to come out to capture the fall and you appreciate that you cannot allow your life to be stretched by your condition.
Shortly after the final session with Bob I had that crucial appointment to see the neurologist and to my surprise the appointment went well. Apart from the specialist I had previously seen I have been quite lucky when neurology is concerned. Compared to fellow epileptics I have been relatively fortunate. I had moments where they identified excessive brain activity on my scans however this altered as the years went on. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my fair share of seizures/shakes however I’m not someone who gets them on a daily basis therefore I only ever saw my consultant every 3-6 months. The more frequent the seizure, the more frequent the appointment.
The doctors pretty much allowed me to take control of my medication which to me was totally unacceptable at first however as I was above the age of 18 and seizure free for over three years then I could appreciate why they were giving me free reign over my medication. I haven’t had an appointment with neurology now for just under a year and to be honest I’m quite relieved about that. I had sufficient appointments as a child so now I have a bit of rest bite and that’s perfectly fine by me.
“The difference between winning and losing is most often not quitting”- Walt Disney
Good old Walt Disney eh? One of the legends, the man who brought smiles to so many children’s faces. I bet you everyone can think of a Walt Disney film that made them reminisce. Reminiscing about films are satisfying however reminiscing about your past can be a bitter pill to swallow for some.
After the therapy was over I made a choice to continue life as normal however attempt to have this spring in my step. Quitting when my condition was involved was never an option. When I was younger I never truly embraced what I had because I never understood what I had. Epilepsy to me was like a stab in the back, I allowed it to hold me back however that was not my philosophy anymore. My health never used to take the priority it has to now when it comes to all aspects of my life.
During this writing process I have spoke to many people who have given me their insight into their lives voluntarily. They blog about medication worries, motivation and their concerns with their condition. Like me their worries are very similar and I have made friends since blogging. You have your down days however whether it be through the art of humour, writing or chatting getting those problems off your chest is vital and can actually help release that negativity manifesting into something out of your control.
This weekend my husband and I had the pleasure of going on a mini break to the Lake District. Three words to describe the lakes are peaceful, tranquil and calm. All you can do is take boat trips, drink coffee, have numerous cream teas and watch the world go by. In my case your worries tend to drift somewhere else till you return. Usually it’s raining however to my surprise the weather was mild and my £1 umbrella didn’t even come out of the B&B we were staying in.
Through the various tweets I sent to my followers I ate like a horse and scoffed my face so much I was full most nights. The relaxation was something I needed and something that I intend (money permitting) to do regularly. It wasn’t a holiday abroad however it gave me time to think clearly.
Talking to my husband about Epilepsy is something that has become the norm to him. On the topic of this blog my husband said to me this weekend that he doesn’t see a woman who causes him hardship with her condition. He sees his wife; a woman who makes him laugh, who nags every so often but who makes him happy.
With me I on occasion tend to look back still and look at aspects of my life that I could change and you know what it doesn’t matter how many times you look and want more is the grass actually greener on the other side? Are the people you want/couldn’t have actually the people you once knew? Have your/their priorities changed, do you want those same things as an adult that you wanted as a teenager? At times I say yes, however after this trip I wonder whether that’s the old me coming out. You can’t build a life on broken promises and you sure as hell can’t keep trying to mend your past.
People may ask what this has to do with Epilepsy however I think these questions relate to Epilepsy. You can’t change your condition just as you can’t alter your previous experiences. You try and resolve any past issues however what’s the point in trying to resolve something that has come and gone? It’s done therefore we have to accept that.
There are issues that have made me question people’s attitudes towards Epilepsy. The people who are ignorant towards it and the people who maybe do it because they are the ones with insecurities. Those people are the bullies. The ones that cannot even string a sentence together let alone have the nerve to call someone like us. It’s these people that I intend to talk about next. Let’s just say it’s something I feel strongly about and will cover in the next post.