“It always seems impossible until it’s done” – Nelson Mandela
Weddings eh? Now that feels like an impossible task. Women usually take on this role. The fella’s are usually responsible for choosing their suit, organising a playlist to play at the evening reception and sorting out a haircut a few days before the wedding. Hey presto all done! No fellas for ladies it’s harder to sort.
You have a lady worrier seizure free for two years with a panic on every five minutes and you have problems. It was safe to say that when the wedding was over I would be project free and feeling rather glum.
The joys of planning a wedding was something that I never ever thought was achievable. People opt for getting married abroad. No muss no fuss. Now I see why.
I was going to see a therapist at this stage every fortnight and I was juggling therapy appointments with taking medication, going to work, sorting a home and trying to plan a sodding wedding. My mind was in complete overhall.
In January 2009 my husband and I decided that we would opt for a summer wedding June 3rd 2011 was the date of all dates. It was our wedding day and I would be damned if anything would prevent us getting hitched on that date. The wedding was between our birthdays so we could make it into a extremely large celebration. If we were going to do it we were going to do it with a bit of pizzazz, money permitting.
The shakes weren’t budging however I had remained seizure free which was a blessing in disguise.
My aim was to plan this wedding in advance incase a seizure was round the corner wedding present in toe. I had made the vital mistake of reading up on the main stresses a person has in their lifetime. One is buying a home, another is marriage, divorce and having children. The latter two I had no pleasure of doing. For crying out loud I had to get married first and that was a leap in itself.
Like all brides I was stressed all the time.
Thank goodness for therapy because I wanted everything to go according to plan. Although we had an action dossier in place I can say now that on occasion I went to my therapist to rant.
Now before I go on the topic of wedding co-ordinating I will say one thing. I bloody hate bridezillas. The show is rather amusing. I literally thought I was turning into one and I hate bridezillas. They get on my nerves. Why come on the TV and act like a complete halfwit. If any of my friends spoke to me like that I would struggle to keep my mouth shut.
Wedding’s are beautiful they really are. Our wedding day was and still is the best day of my life. It is the most memorable and makes you smile everytime the thought of the day enters my head.
Although this is great to talk about now planning a wedding is a bloody nightmare. It’s expensive, tedious and trying to please everyone really gets on your nerves. How many people are coming, what food are we having, who’s sitting next to so and so and in some cases is the dog gonna be the ring bearer? – No that fortunately didn’t happen to me as I was allergic to animals, sweet and all however not my cup of tea but you get where I am coming from.
The day lasts about 16 hours if that. If I had one piece of advice to recommend. Enjoy your day, soak it all in and under no circumstance allow anyone to take over and make a complete arse of themselves by causing commotion. If they intend to get tipsy and do the conga in the middle of the dancefloor by all means however it should remain at that.
Anyway.. The wedding was dawning on me as were my shakes.
The shakes were more prominent. I had the feeling that the shakes were becoming more frequent due to the wedding planning so I tried my very best to remain calm at all times. I ensured our wedding was prepared and paid for within 18 months so if the seizures recommenced then I wouldn’t have the trouble of putting my seizures in the same category as wedding planning.
CBT was actually a time where I could reflect.
I could explain my worries to my therapist and feel like I wasn’t alone.
The wedding was getting too much and I needed a bit of me time. I took into consideration what my therapist said in my last session and ended up having longer soaks in the bath before chilling in bed. It was nice to not worry constantly as I was coming to terms of the “Well if they come they come” strategy. Don’t get me wrong I was still worried at the idea that a seizure would show it’s face anytime however I was adjusting to this new way of thinking. It was the first time I would ever consider of adapting this new thought process.
My therapist and I had fathomed out how we were going to help the smaller shakes however the larger ones were very different. Should a shaky bout occur I would sit on the floor, irrespective of where I was sitting on the floor made me feel safe. The shakes resembled the seizures however I was awake when the shakes happened. The feeling would go in the left side of your face and you were literally in their power. I attempted to use my good old “pyramid technique” however the shakes were too forceful and the anxiety too great.
My therapist asked that I alter the routine I got myself into.
For a change she asked how I would feel me remaining seated on the sofa or in my works chair. She asked that I focus my attention onto a cup or a pen sitting on my desk. She asked that I also have either a stone or my favourite perfume in my bag for times of emergency. It had to be something that had a strong smell.
Now many would ask themselves why a stone? I know that sounds ludicrous a stone in my handbag however there is method behind the madness. I was asked as soon as I received any warning signs (they were few and far between) that I attempt to go into my bag and remove the stone. She asked that I clasp this in the palm of my hand and press down. The stone was cold and had a different texture. The same applied with the perfume.
The mind is a powerful tool. In times of crisis it can in fact transport it’s thoughts into a particular item. By smelling my favourite perfume this would draw my mind away from the shake and onto the sweet scent in front of me.
For you to get an idea as to where I am coming from I will ask you all this question.
Have you ever been clothes/food shopping with your pals to have something distract you from what you are doing. Was it the smell of freshly made pastries that had just come out the oven or was it a colourful item of clothing that caught your eye? The same rules applied with this technique. Draw your eye onto the prize and you will reap some form of reward.
She asked that I draw my attention to anything in the room that would keep my eyes from wandering. So I did just that. I would (and still do) continue to use this strategy when unwell. This appears to help on some of the stronger shakes however doesn’t always necessarily work. It is a great technique to put into operation when you are stressed or anxious about anything. Give it a try.
I asked myself how is my therapist coming out with all these ideas that I had never even heard of? I thought this woman was a miracle worker and a nutter for introducing a stone into my life! She made me believe in therapy, she made me laugh and she made me wonder whether I could actually get through my wedding day without any episodes.
What if a seizure happened on my wedding day? Everyone would go home with full tummies and a fistful of drink all free of charge. That was the way I was starting to think. This was all new to me because my therapist and I were actually getting somewhere. I didn’t want the therapy to end because I was scared that I would return to worried old me.