But I’ve done everything right..

Shortly after the first batch of problems came the second and by gosh it was one that I was never to forget.

At school I was one who liked to keep herself to herself. Don’t get me wrong I had friends who I’d play out with and have a giggle with but overall I enjoyed going to primary school and keeping my head down. I was a great lover of history. Swot as I was I thoroughly enjoyed learning something new and telling the family about it when they would ask “How’s school been, what have you learned today?”

This changed when I went into senior school. Should I relive primary or senior school I would opt for the first option. My teachers were fully aware of my condition as were my entire family. They knew what to do if I had a seizure and were extremely supportive.

I had a friend at school who shall remain nameless however had the same condition as me. Her seizures were far worse than mine. My friend and I were laughing uncontrollably, before I knew it my friend hit the ground and I was responsible for putting her in the recovery position and calling a teacher before the teacher arrived. What came over me and how I got the strength to move her I never know. Everyone says that in times of need you get this illusive strength that cannot be explained. You just do what you have to do.

She was my friend and I wanted to help her. The one downside to offering that help was later when I returned home from school I immediately started vomiting and crying. I was told by my teacher that this was the side effect of helping her as it was a scary experience to witness. I was afraid. I was afraid because I knew from discussion that she had the same type of seizures as I did. She went blue in the face, her body shook uncontrollably and she foamed at the mouth. My fear was that I did that. Is that what my family really have to watch? Are they scared? Let’s put it this way I could relate to my friend and family all in the same breath as I had experienced them both.

A few days later my friend came back to school and I told her what had happened. She gave me a cuddle and we resumed as normal joking in class and having a laugh in our dinner hour.

Two days later this happened to me only this time I was in a toilet with the door locked. I overheard the teachers telling my parents that a couple of older children had to pull me from underneath the toilet door to get to me as I had locked the door from the inside. I had scratches all down my face, I had been groaning trying to get breath into my lungs. The girls were scared because as they didn’t know what was the matter with me. They pulled me out and found me with blue lips and my eyes rolling into the back of my head. I never blamed those girls for moving me (we shouldn’t be moved when having a seizure) but I was so grateful that they were there. I thanked them personally a few days later when I returned to school. I didn’t have the foggiest who I was but they now knew me as “The girl in the toilets who had a wobbler”.

Like before the questions came… What on earth had I done wrong? I thought my specialist had told me that this medication would keep my fits at bay so how come I was having one so soon? Like the Dr’s ordered it was bedrest for me. Mind you I did sleep for 15 hours after that incident.

I didn’t want to go back to school and I was reluctant to go into those toilets after that happened however knew that if I didn’t this “thing” would have won. So I chose the one thing I thought I could ever do. I went back to two weeks previous thought of those girls on that hospital ward and decided that I needed to think like them.

I wanted that positive outlook and for a brief moment I did. I may have this condition but I’ll be damned if I let it beat me… Let the games begin.

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